[Rock 'n Christ]

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

Except people who "court" still frequently end up having sex. Neither dating nor courting nor sparking nor hiding in the bushes and capturing dancing women will protect you from sin.

i know, i just think my parents are trying to build up a foundation against this sin, and i dont blame them.

[Sean]

Originally Posted by Rock 'n Christ

i also forgot to mention one thing, probably a very good reason for why my parents feel this way: go to the thread called "pregnant" in the "Advice" sub-forum i believe and go to what should be the last post made in that thread, i dont really care to explain that again.

...you could copy and paste it over or provide a link.

[ibanez_dude]

Originally Posted by Rock 'n Christ

and when you do have a girlfriend, you go to places with friends too, not just you too( because that could setup a situation if you now what i mean).

Yeh, I would say that they are really just trying to teach you to date responsibly. You have to have alone time too if you are to build a relationship. Doesn't mean that you should be locked in a room together, but there is nothing wrong with going places with just the two of you. Don't put yourself in situations that could be dangerous or tempting, and you will have to hold each to an absolute uncompromising standard of purity, but alone time is essential. Alone time does not mean that you that the two of you will have sex. I spent a lot of time alone with a female friend this summer, one of my best best friends. We were alone in the church building for hours every week, I drove her home all time, sometimes late at night, and everything was absolutely fine.

[wjarmusch]

Originally Posted by Sean

...you could copy and paste it over or provide a link.

Pregnant

Originally Posted by Rock 'n Christ
my parents went through a similar situation to yours. when they first started going out, they were 15 y/o and they both promised each other that they wouldnt have PMS. well, at age 18, they ended up having sex. they both felt extremely bad about it afterwards, but they did tell both of their parents. naturally, they didnt take it too well, they were ignored for a while by their parents. to make matters worse, my mom was pregnant, so they decided to get married at 18 y/o because they didnt want to abort and they wanted to make it look like they had this child the way it was intended by God. they did get married, and they have been blessed very much. that child in my mothers womb was me, the first of 6 to come( last 2 are twins). i thank God that my mother didnt chose to abort. anyways, i hope this helps you

[SilverNitrate]

Originally Posted by Rock 'n Christ

[H]ey guys, my parents want [m]e to do courtship rather than dating, they introduced me to it about 3 years ago([I']m 15 now). [T]hey basically told me to wait on getting a girlfriend until [I']m ready to get married or close to that point. [A]nd when you do have a girlfriend, you go to places with friends too, not just you t[w]o (because that could setup a situation if you [k]now what [I] mean). [T]hat[']s the general idea[.] [I']m wanting to know if anyone else here is doing this or something similar to this. [A]lso, for those who are dating or courting, what do you think of it? [D]oes it make sense to you? TIA

I've both dated and courted.
I'll explain the difference between the two with my experiences.
Dating - We saw each other and talked with each other whenever/wherever we wanted to.
Courting - We saw each other only when her dad said it was OK. We only saw each other at church or in the presence of (usually) her parent or (occasionally) my parents. No physical contact was allowed. Communication was to remain limited so that we didn't develop a premature emotional attachment.

I understand that the above is not the same definition others might use, but keep in mind that when I refer to "dating" or "courting" the above is what I'm talking about.

With my experience, I think this model of courtship is great for middle school / high school relationships. I think it would deter young men from calling after a girl if he knew her parents were going to be extremely involved with what they are doing. However, if it does not deter the couple, then the parents can guide the relationship. In my opinion, high school (and especially middle school) relationships are completely pointless... therefore, I would have no issues with having my future children be observed if they chose to have a relationship during those times.

But if this type of courtship is to be administered, it needs to end after high school. I see no point in asking a college-aged student to do this.

If this model is followed from an early age, in theory, the son/daughter would be better equipped for searching for their future mate once they leave the parents' "nest."

[Jenacen]

Call it what you want, but when I start dating, it will be because I intend to get married. No real sense doing anything else.

There's so much debate about terms that I'd much rather say how I go about relationships altogether than try and confine it to a word.

[bobthecockroach]

Originally Posted by Jenacen

Call it what you want, but when I start dating, it will be because I intend to get married. No real sense doing anything else.

There's so much debate about terms that I'd much rather say how I go about relationships altogether than try and confine it to a word.

True... and generally relationships don't wait until you're ready to get married.

[SccHarpGirl]

I don't really do courtship. I live on the other side of the country from my family, so they actually have never met any guy I've dated. Obviously they would if a relationship ever progressed to *that* point but so far, not yet.

Oh yeah, for clarification I'm a 21 year old girl who started dating at 18. I've been in 3 relationships, 2 not quite so serious and 1 more serious.

I do use "could I marry this person, sometime in the future?" as an indicator when dating and I wouldn't date someone who I could not see myself potentially marrying. That's just setting yourself up for an inevitable breakup. However, I don't see my dating history as a failure just because I have had multiple relationships that haven't ended in marriage. I think it's a huge mistake when people think that they *have* to marry the first person that they date. I know me personally I learned so much from my first relationship and even more from my second one - both about who I am, how I react in relationship settings, and what sort of person I want to marry. I learned some pretty painful lessons that in a way I am glad I don't have to repeat with my future spouse.

I don't know what I think for high schoolers. I think that dating shouldn't be ruled out (i wish I'd started earlier so that I didn't make so many mistakes in more serious relationships later on!) but I definitely think it should be controlled/monitored by the parents. Because let's face it, while I know a lot of mature high schoolers I also know a lot who need to be saved from their own stupidity before they make decisions that will haunt them for years to come.

[Jenacen]

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

True... and generally relationships don't wait until you're ready to get married.

Oh yeah, I can testify to that, though thinking about marriage makes you think a second time at least. Got me out of a mess recently.

I do use "could I marry this person, sometime in the future?" as an indicator when dating and I wouldn't date someone who I could not see myself potentially marrying. That's just setting yourself up for an inevitable breakup. However, I don't see my dating history as a failure just because I have had multiple relationships that haven't ended in marriage. I think it's a huge mistake when people think that they *have* to marry the first person that they date.

I agree, definitely not a failure; after all, finding out was the point. The more people I can eliminate off my list, the better I feel

(i wish I'd started earlier so that I didn't make so many mistakes in more serious relationships later on!)

In a recent ordeal, this is a point that I really struggled with because I was always so shy around the girl I liked, never really knowing what to say, and I just wondered if I would have been better off having dated. At the same time though, I can't regret the things I got to do as a single person who's never been in a relationship. Even now in college, I have all the time I need to get the ridiculous busload of work I need to get done, so I think I just need to trust that maturity will simply come.

As for high school dating altogether, I don't like to advise it, though if they know for certain that they've accomplished what they really could as a single person, then perhaps, though high school's not exactly a breeding ground of maturity. So actually being ready and finding someone else who is equally ready would be kinda hard.

[SccHarpGirl]

I see your point - there's tremendous value in discovering your identity as an individual outside of a relationship.

And dating in school = work to a 4 credit class.

I'm single currently and not especially looking...I'm more intent on getting good grades in my final year. Woot!

[Rainer.]

I refuse to believe that relationships necessarily affect grades.

[Jenacen]

Originally Posted by Rainer.

I refuse to believe that relationships necessarily affect grades.

Depends on who you are and how much you want to get done. If you're like me, juggling a 20-credit workload and are fighting just to stay on top, actively involved in your church, and you still find use for your singleness to where you want to do other things (such as have a life), dating might have to wait. My life so far since college started has felt entirely too packed.

[bradguitarbeast]

hi im brad and i am 16 and i do the courtship thing 2. i havnt found any 1 yet but im looking and praying. you should do the same.GOD bless.

[Rainer.]

Originally Posted by bradguitarbeast

hi im brad and i am 16 and i do the courtship thing 2. i havnt found any 1 yet but im looking and praying. you should do the same.GOD bless.

If you ask me you should quit on the "looking" part and just live your life.

[spyrotheleo]

Originally Posted by Rainer.

If you ask me you should quit on the "looking" part and just live your life.

Yep, you dont really have to look. Just live life and meet new person. Someone will come along that you will hit it off really well with. And just take it from there