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OH MY GOD!

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Old 08-25-2007, 06:43 PM   #1
Loves Kisses
 
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OH MY GOD!
OH MY GOD,
YOU SAW ME LAST NIGHT,
IN THE MIDST OF MY SIN,
I SEE THOSE IMAGES,
OVER AND OVER AGAIN,
THIS IS THE LAST NIGHT,
THAT I'LL TRY AND FIGHT,

THIS!
IS!
NOT ALRIGHT,
BECAUSE I'M WADING,
IN,
MY SIN,

I'M CALLOUSED,
TO THIS,
GOD,
HOW EASY IT IS,
IN THE MIDST OF MY SIN

Please post comment on our bands DEMO of a new song-were still adding more suggestions welcome + more lyrichs

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Old 08-25-2007, 06:48 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ooblar View Post
OH MY GOD,
YOU SAW ME LAST NIGHT,
IN THE MIDST OF MY SIN,
I SEE THOSE IMAGES,
OVER AND OVER AGAIN,
THIS IS THE LAST NIGHT,
THAT I'LL TRY AND FIGHT,

THIS!
IS!
NOT ALRIGHT,
BECAUSE I'M WADING,
IN,
MY SIN,

I'M CALLOUSED,
TO THIS,
GOD,
HOW EASY IT IS,
IN THE MIDST OF MY SIN

Please post comment on our bands DEMO of a new song-were still adding more suggestions welcome + more lyrichs
It's very shallow. And please for now on, post things like this in Songwriting. That is all.
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Old 08-25-2007, 06:56 PM   #3
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wtevr
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Old 08-25-2007, 07:03 PM   #4
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*cough*

Ooblar, if this is a song, the only appropriate spot on CGR for it is the songwriting forum, or your own personal journal. We'd love to have you get involved with the songwriting forum, but we'd appreciate it if you make the effort to follow the rules of the forum.

If you decide to start posting in the songwriting forum, please be aware that by posting a song, you invite people to give you an honest critique of the song, which is what AXguitar was doing.
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Old 08-25-2007, 07:03 PM   #5
the sun is often out
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ooblar View Post
OH MY GOD,
YOU SAW ME LAST NIGHT,
IN THE MIDST OF MY SIN,
I SEE THOSE IMAGES,
OVER AND OVER AGAIN,
THIS IS THE LAST NIGHT,
THAT I'LL TRY AND FIGHT,

THIS!
IS!
NOT ALRIGHT,
BECAUSE I'M WADING,
IN,
MY SIN,

I'M CALLOUSED,
TO THIS,
GOD,
HOW EASY IT IS,
IN THE MIDST OF MY SIN
Wading doesn't fit very well.. wading makes it seem as though you aren't very deep in sin, which the rest of the song implies you are.

Besides that...
Quote:
Originally Posted by AXektar
It's very shallow.
What he said.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ooblar
wtevr
Yuspk go0d inglick!
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Old 08-25-2007, 07:05 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Small View Post
*cough*

Ooblar, if this is a song, the only appropriate spot on CGR for it is the songwriting forum, or your own personal journal. We'd love to have you get involved with the songwriting forum, but we'd appreciate it if you make the effort to follow the rules of the forum.

If you decide to start posting in the songwriting forum, please be aware that by posting a song, you invite people to give you an honest critique of the song, which is what AXguitar was doing.
Im sry...
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Old 08-25-2007, 07:06 PM   #7
the sun is often out
 
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Originally Posted by Ooblar View Post
Im sry...
Wu tang clan hzh?
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Old 08-25-2007, 07:08 PM   #8
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Wu tang clan hzh?
What...???
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Old 08-25-2007, 10:37 PM   #9
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It's done so dramatically, and it's very very cliche. Those are not good combinations.
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Old 08-26-2007, 07:13 PM   #10
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e-marriages, on the other hand, are pure comic gold. I will never tire of listening the the soft mewings of 14 year olds in heat.
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Old 09-03-2007, 01:51 PM   #11
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You know, I love it. Because of the honesty in the song. I think alot of people could relate to it. I'm suprised to see the negative coments. It's definately not the deepest song I've ever heard, but sometimes songs that come right out & say what the writer means instead of speaking figuratively is, if nothing else, good for the writer's heart.
I really like it.
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Old 09-13-2007, 05:25 PM   #12
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ty
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Old 09-13-2007, 05:59 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ooblar View Post
OH MY GOD,
YOU SAW ME LAST NIGHT,
IN THE MIDST OF MY SIN,
I SEE THOSE IMAGES,
OVER AND OVER AGAIN,
THIS IS THE LAST NIGHT,
THAT I'LL TRY AND FIGHT,

THIS!
IS!
NOT ALRIGHT,
BECAUSE I'M WADING,
IN,
MY SIN,

I'M CALLOUSED,
TO THIS,
GOD,
HOW EASY IT IS,
IN THE MIDST OF MY SIN

Please post comment on our bands DEMO of a new song-were still adding more suggestions welcome + more lyrichs
1- As someone has already pointed out, "wading" does imply that you aren't that deep in sin...which the song seems to contradict.

2- Without any sort of melody line or musical theme to go on it's really hard to determine if the lyrics fit. If they are to stand alone...they are rather elementary. That's not always a bad thing but I think the topic can be explored at a much deeper level than this.

3- It really sounds more like a journal entry than a set of lyrics. Play with it. Explore some different ideas. See what you come up with.
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