[Small]

For once, I actually have a general sound in mind for this one, for those to whom the theoretical sound is an issue. I'm thinking the verses will be soft with a heavy rhythm section, ala Copeland meets Blindside, and the chorus will be in dense Further Seems Forever-esque harmony.

For those with sharp eyes and long memories--I specifically reference three songs by three other writers, posted in this forum in days past. Props to whoever can name more than one.

I'm not entirely sure about this one, but here it is:

Oh, Wingless Angel

Oh, frightened wingless angel, anxiously waiting for the train,
Entwined ring-less fingers on your lap, shaking from a pain,
That finds no home in your black dress or overwhelmed restless nerves,
It winds itself with the wind in your hair while the grey world silently observes,

A coal-black dress and hopeless sighs,
Mourn the death of the confidence that once lived in your eyes,

As each new town comes into view, as each one (now old) disappears,
Voices laden down with disapproval come whispering in your trembling ears,
They say you’re running from a host of paralyzing fears,
Well, so you are, and so am I, and so is everybody else,
But by running from, we run to, and in so doing defeat ourselves,
Know that we have nothing to fear, but fear itself.

Each bright, breathless morning is born lively and wise,
And every restless evening, that same tired fool dies,
Therein lies the wisdom you watch for, while waiting to arrive,
The railroad tea your nervous tremors spilled has lost its cause of magnifying life,

It is those details that hold our breath,
You should know that not living is not all that invites death,

As each new town comes into view, as each one (now old) disappears,
Voices laden down with disapproval come whispering in your trembling ears,
They say you’re running from a host of paralyzing fears,
Well, so you are, and so am I, and so is everybody else,
But by running from, we run to, and in so doing defeat ourselves,
Know that we have nothing to fear, but fear itself.

The blustery wind wheels cackling around you, disembarking,
Stumbling on hard heels past putrid beggars and mongrels barking,
Shrinking in the towering buildings and crawling mass of the crowds,
Starting and cowering away from slithering danger, and deadly sounds,
Night falls like a narcoleptic, dropping to a wooden floor,
You hurry hopelessly down circling streets, shaken to the core,
Come to a shuddering, sobbing halt against a decrepit garden wall,
The breeze rises from its muttering to a screaming, shrieking squall,
No matter how you run, nor how far away you try to keep,
You will, at the finish, find yourself here,
Alone, while the rest of the world is asleep,
Face to face with the ghoulish specter of fear.

[*]

This one seems quite a bit darker than most others.

I love it.

[Small]

*bump*

[SupaNova]

Originally Posted by Small

Oh, frightened wingless angel, anxiously waiting for the train,
Entwined ring-less fingers on your lap, shaking from a pain,
That finds no home in your black dress or overwhelmed restless nerves,
It winds itself with the wind in your hair while the grey world silently observes,

A coal-black dress and hopeless sighs,
Mourn the death of the confidence that once lived in your eyes,

The main thing that jumps out at me is the "ringless fingers" remark. Not because it's bad by any means, but mostly because I'm not sure how to connect that little detail with the rest of the imagery.

Also, I'm not sure if the repetition of the black dress works well in context.

As each new town comes into view, as each one (now old) disappears,
Voices laden down with disapproval come whispering in your trembling ears,
They say you’re running from a host of paralyzing fears,
Well, so you are, and so am I, and so is everybody else,
But by running from, we run to, and in so doing defeat ourselves,
Know that we have nothing to fear, but fear itself.

Hmmm, you know, I usually think you handle the wordiness of songs like this remarkably well, but I'm wondering if this chorus isn't a little too wordy though. It's just a lot of words to take in, particularly in those last three lines. I'm not saying it doesn't flow well together, but just from reading, it just looks like a tricky manuver to pull off.

Each bright, breathless morning is born lively and wise,
And every restless evening, that same tired fool dies,
Therein lies the wisdom you watch for, while waiting to arrive,
The railroad tea your nervous tremors spilled has lost its cause of magnifying life,

It is those details that hold our breath,
You should know that not living is not all that invites death,

Those first two lines are fantastic, and the rest of this stanza's not too bad either. Nice call back to the earlier train scene.

Each bright, breathless morning is born lively and wise,
And every restless evening, that same tired fool dies,
Therein lies the wisdom you watch for, while waiting to arrive,
The railroad tea your nervous tremors spilled has lost its cause of magnifying life,

It is those details that hold our breath,
You should know that not living is not all that invites death,

I like this part as well, though "gholish spector" could possibly be worded better. I really love that narcoleptic line especially.



Another great effort, as usual Small.

[AudioAUnderdog]

I like it, I've got no problem with darker lyrics. This one's done especially well.

[Small]

Originally Posted by SupaNova

The main thing that jumps out at me is the "ringless fingers" remark. Not because it's bad by any means, but mostly because I'm not sure how to connect that little detail with the rest of the imagery.

It's an indicator of some of the fears the person is dealing with--and perhaps a hint at a meaning the song almost took.

Also, I'm not sure if the repetition of the black dress works well in context.

Hilariously, I didn't notice the repetition, and will work to repair it.

Hmmm, you know, I usually think you handle the wordiness of songs like this remarkably well, but I'm wondering if this chorus isn't a little too wordy though. It's just a lot of words to take in, particularly in those last three lines. I'm not saying it doesn't flow well together, but just from reading, it just looks like a tricky manuver to pull off.

Right. I think my idea for the music will make it work--the sort of dense, driving harmony that can fit a lot into a little bit of room. Your point is taken, though--it'll be tricky.

Those first two lines are fantastic, and the rest of this stanza's not too bad either. Nice call back to the earlier train scene.

Thank you. The last two lines of the four-line portion gave me a headache for approximately two days.

I like this part as well, though "gholish spector" could possibly be worded better. I really love that narcoleptic line especially.

There's a reason for that...

Originally Posted by AudioAUnderdog

I like it, I've got no problem with darker lyrics. This one's done especially well.

Thank you!

Anyone else?

[Smaller]

Most of what I have to say about this I have to your face. You already know it's one of my favorites.
I'm a little surprised nobody's mentioned the subtle references yet.

[*]

Originally Posted by Smaller

Most of what I have to say about this I have to your face. You already know it's one of my favorites.
I'm a little surprised nobody's mentioned the subtle references yet.

Subtle references to what, pray tell?