[rock_show_host]

This is a folk/countryish song I wrote and played for the first time last night. The rhythm on some of the lines is very free (in a Dylan-esque way), so certain lines may seem awkwardly proportioned on paper but I feel like it works well with the melody. I'd love to hear some feedback on the lyrics.

Who Am I To Say

Who am I to say that you’re too young to run for governor
Your affairs are all in line and your party’s just as good as mine
But something’s missing
Your teleprompter’s tired, it needs an extra battery
And who am I to say that you’re too old to go on dates
Your hair looks as young as ever and your conversation’s still clever
But something’s missing
Your heart’s got no room left for those buffet calories

Who am I to say you’re out of touch
That you live alone and you eat and drink and think too much
Who am I to prey on fears
That you gave up long ago for New Year’s
But a man’s got time for looking back
When he’s looking out for the things he lacks in you
But who am I to say you got things to lose

Who am I to say that you’re too tall to call for mother
Your degrees have all impressed her and they’re lined up on your dresser
But something’s missing
The pills they gave you don’t work like a nice cold washcloth
And who am I to say that you embarrass me in public
You join playground games of cops and guns and swear loudly at pedestrians
But something’s missing
You were busy making faces at me when the shot went off

Who am I to say you can’t relate
That you’re a president, a fad and a year too late
Who am I to lay down rules
When modern homes use new age tools
But a man’s got time for looking back
When he’s looking out for things he lacks in you
But who am I to say you spoke too soon

[Small]

Originally Posted by rock_show_host

Who am I to say that you’re too young to run for governor
Your affairs are all in line and your party’s just as good as mine
But something’s missing
Your teleprompter’s tired, it needs an extra battery
And who am I to say that you’re too old to go on dates
Your hair looks as young as ever and your conversation’s still clever
But something’s missing
Your heart’s got no room left for those buffet calories

I like it a lot, but I did notice a seeming contradiction between the implication of youth and a tired teleprompter, which is an image I'd see more readily conveying age.

Who am I to say you’re out of touch
That you live alone and you eat and drink and think too much
Who am I to prey on fears
That you gave up long ago for New Year’s
But a man’s got time for looking back
When he’s looking out for the things he lacks in you
But who am I to say you got things to lose

I love this bit. This is excellent songwriting.

Who am I to say that you’re too tall to call for mother
Your degrees have all impressed her and they’re lined up on your dresser
But something’s missing
The pills they gave you don’t work like a nice cold washcloth
And who am I to say that you embarrass me in public
You join playground games of cops and guns and swear loudly at pedestrians
But something’s missing
You were busy making faces at me when the shot went off

"The pills..." doesn't seem to connect with the first two lines of the verse at all. Other than that, this is another solid verse. It doesn't have the energy, verve or strength of the first verse, but it's solid.

Who am I to say you can’t relate
That you’re a president, a fad and a year too late
Who am I to lay down rules
When modern homes use new age tools
But a man’s got time for looking back
When he’s looking out for things he lacks in you
But who am I to say you spoke too soon

The first two lines are brilliant. The second two are questionable. I see absolutely no contradiction or contrast between laying down rules, and modern homes using new age tools.

The last line is stronger than the two that came before it, certainly, but the length drags down the punch of the meaning.

Overall, it's an smashing song, and I'm looking forward to any further songs you post.

[rock_show_host]

Thanks for the critique! I agree that the "new age tools" line is kind of awkward, I'll see if I can come up with a better image for that verse. The "tired teleprompter" was meant less to refer to aging and more to his overdependence on it, which would sort of reflect his youth and inexperience. I can see it coming off that way though.

Thanks again for your thoughts, I really appreciate it.