discouraged...

ibanez_dude · 08-16-2007, 04:08 PM

I've posted several related things on this over the last year or so, but I just need some prayer for encouragement. Here's basically the siteeation. I just turned 19, I have known this girl at my church for years and years and years. We are really good friends. We have spent a lot (I mean a lot) of time together this summer, mostly on a CD we have been recording together. She is the most wonderful girl you will ever meet in every way, at least to me, and I have liked her for a long time. Not in a teenage crush kind of way, but I love her as a person, she is wonderful to be around, and she and I get along really well. We are really comfortable around each other. She knows I really like her too, so it's not a dark secret. (She's just about to turn 18 by the way).
Now, someones' going to say, "so why are you discouraged? just ask her out." Here's where my problem is, and I've known this for a long time. Since she was 6 years old, she has felt a very strong calling to be a missionary in a foreign, a fulltime missionary. She is attending a school in Florida for 3 years, she has 3 week of vaca a year. In fact, we have to say goodbye on Sunday, cause we are both leaving for school next week.
So I know what the result in the end is, which is that we will not be together. It's really unbelievably hard for me to accept though. We have spent so much time together this summer. She was one of like my couple best friends before the summer even started and we did our project together. Our friendship improved and became much better when I talked to her about my feelings for her in like May, when we both agreed that we were not going to pursue a relationship, for the reasons already listed. I am just finding it really hard to accept. In a way, I have already accepted it. I will not let myself take any steps to any kind of a relationship, this is friendship, and friendship ONLY. The other half of me can't accept it though. This girl is such a wonderful, loving, kind, funny, God-filled and Spirit-led young lady, and it has been such a blessing to spend time with her. Everything was set in a way to fall into place. We have such a wonderful friendship, we get along really well, and are really similar, I find her really easy to talk to and am comfortable around her in a way that I have never been around any other girl. Her mom, who is really awesome, thinks very highly of me, and trusts me to spend time alone with her daughter all the time, whether it be recording at the church after hours, driving her home, anything. But I know, however perfectly in line everything has been, that nothing can happen, and that is so difficult to accept. Please, pray for me........

**beanbag** · 08-16-2007, 04:18 PM

don't forget that friendships are still relationships. what on earth is there stopping you from remaining friends with her? distance sucks, yes, but I have lived at least 2 hours away from my best friend for the past...15 years, I think, and we are like sisters.

also, don't be so quick to put words in God's mouth. I think it's great that you and she have made a mutual decision that is in the best interests of you both for the time being. however, you don't know what the future holds. it could be that she is not the one God intends for you. it's totally reasonable. however, don't shut her out because you think it could never happen. you don't know what God has intended for you, and there is a chance that she could be the one God has intended for you.

either way, you don't know because none of us know the future. so, my advice to you is this: maintain your friendship. I think it would suck for you to lose such a beautiful friendship as the one you have described. the way I see it, three things can happen:

1. you stay friends for the rest of your lives and happily marry other people.
2. you end up drifting apart and don't stay friends, happily marrying other people.
3. you stay friends for the rest of your lives and end up married.

so, what's the worst that could happen?

(I do know it's a tough situation to be in, though, and I empathize with your frustration.)

**Rainer.** · 08-16-2007, 04:50 PM

Hey, it's you again.

Honestly, what I have to say is that you know what you're doing. That doesn't make anything easy at all, but from what I know about you, I know you really do know what you're doing. I'll pray for you.

Just don't forget that someday you will end up marrying someone and it'll work out.

Job 19:25-27 · 08-16-2007, 05:44 PM

My heart is crying for you... I will pray. I admire you for your decision & your unselfishness in not trying to hold on to her.

ibanez_dude · 08-25-2007, 08:42 PM

I'm really having trouble with this right now. I have already left for college, and she left today. She has two years of school, during which she gets like 2 weeks of vaca a year, and then after that, she is on to the mission field fulltime, permanently. It's just so difficult, not only to have to think that we probably never can be together, but even more that we aren't really going to see each other at all anymore. She and I have such a wonderful friendship, and we really enjoy spending time together as friends. We spent the whole summer together, and now, nothing... I have called her like 2-3 times since I left on sunday. I miss her sooo much.................

Willib 14 · 08-25-2007, 08:58 PM

bummer... I know how you feel

ibanez_dude · 08-25-2007, 09:53 PM

the most frustrating part on top of it all is that I know that I don't miss her in crush kind of way. She is one of my best friends, and I really like her in a mature way, but this doesn't make any difference. I know that this is not a silly preteen crush in anyway, but I still can't do anything.....

tht00 · 08-26-2007, 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ibanez_dude

the most frustrating part on top of it all is that I know that I don't miss her in crush kind of way. She is one of my best friends, and I really like her in a mature way, but this doesn't make any difference. I know that this is not a silly preteen crush in anyway, but I still can't do anything.....

Man... I know exactly how that feels. A bit different circumstances, but this type of situation hit me several weeks ago. It isn't easy to deal with and to be blunt, it hurts like hell -- and it will for a while.

The truth is that you'll get through it. I know it's not much encouragement right now; nothing will be. It just takes time to work through the feelings, but things will eventually return back to 'normal'.

And also find a way to vent. Talk to someone, keep a journal, write a song -- do something of that nature to 'get it out'. I'm not exactly sure why, but it helps a lot. Just don't keep it in and don't try to bury it inside.

So yeah. Been there. Done that. Still dealing with it. It sucks. But if you do need someone to talk to or even just to vent to, feel free to shoot me some PMs or IMs (info in my profile).

Rock 'n Christ · 08-27-2007, 03:51 PM

i will definetly be praying for you

.

CRloveSkillet13 · 09-08-2007, 10:08 PM

Hey, I'll pray for you. This really sounds like a really miserable situation

And you know what? I think you are a lot more mature with this kind of thing than a lot of people. If you are in a relationship with her someday, it sounds like it'd be a really healthy one. But all I'd say is just trust the Lord, cause He knows what He has planned for you.