help me write Lyrics please

JerRocks2day · 08-13-2007, 10:08 PM

Hey. I need help with writing lyrics because I'm in an attempt to start writing songs so I can start finding a way to make music.

Here's what the lyrics go like so far:

Whatever I kept for myself, it became lost
Whatever I stored for myself, it became gone
And whatever I...

any suggestions?

Kristen'sGuitar · 08-13-2007, 11:19 PM

what exactly are you writing about? Like is about someone taking something? Because if that's the case it could be ...gave to you, you took. or something like that...but it depends where you want to go with the song. Good so far though

JerRocks2day · 08-13-2007, 11:23 PM

The message that I'm trying to get is that how that the love of the world or the wrong attachment to the world only leads to lonliness.

Could somebody help me with writing it.

Ax · 08-14-2007, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JerRocks2day

The message that I'm trying to get is that how that the love of the world or the wrong attachment to the world only leads to lonliness.

Could somebody help me with writing it.

In all honesty dude, it's your song, you have to write it or it's not your song anymore... If you have writer's block go take a break... songs should never be forced, they should be reflections on your thoughts/emotions/feelings/observations and forcing these things compromises the authenticity of the song. I like what you have so far, but it's ultimately up to you to write the song.

I know how I would finish that stanza, but I don't wanna compromise your train of thought... here is a suggestion though since you have the lines

Whatever... it became...
whatever... it became...

instead of saying it became on the next verse I would use a different verb and not end it with the adverb but lead that line into another line that would end that stanza... I hope you get what I mean here... If you're really stuck I'll give you how I would end it and you can use it as a model of what I'm trying to say.

Job 19:25-27 · 08-16-2007, 12:58 AM

It's a great beginning!
Is it from that verse in the Bible that says, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth & rust destroy & where thieves break in & steal. But store up for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth & rust do not destroy & where thieves do not break in & steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."?
How 'bout,

"whatever I held tight to my heart was destroyed,
'cause it wasn't You"?

Just popped into my mind. I don't know if you want it, but if you do, there it is!
Blessings!
~Bear

conceived in fire · 08-16-2007, 02:09 AM

This thread on another forum has some great advice.

And look at the top of this forum.

Like anything, keep doing it. My songs were super plain when I started out, and I'd really hope they've improved quite a bit.

+SEAL+ · 08-16-2007, 08:29 PM

Yep, can't agree with conceived more. Keep writing. The more you write, the better you'll get, because you'll start to get used to it, and see what does and doesn't work. Also, read poetry. It'll help a lot.

bobthecockroach · 08-16-2007, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JerRocks2day

any suggestions?

Yep, practice.

Ax · 08-16-2007, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Job 19:25-27

It's a great beginning!
Is it from that verse in the Bible that says, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth & rust destroy & where thieves break in & steal. But store up for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth & rust do not destroy & where thieves do not break in & steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."?
How 'bout,

"whatever I held tight to my heart was destroyed,
'cause it wasn't You"?

Just popped into my mind. I don't know if you want it, but if you do, there it is!
Blessings!
~Bear

That's too blatant...

NBfan69 · 08-16-2007, 11:38 PM

I would write a list of antonyms (opposite words), because that's what you did in the first lines

ex: have/lose, rich/poor, etc.

Ax · 08-16-2007, 11:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NBfan69

I would write a list of antonyms (opposite words), because that's what you did in the first lines

ex: have/lose, rich/poor, etc.

That would be too generic and very un-sincere... It worked for the first two lines but I think he should take the lines somewhere and tie them to the next part of the song...

Job 19:25-27 · 08-17-2007, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AXguitar

That's too blatant...

Why is that too blatant? What do you mean by blatant? Maybe you didn't mean blatant...
But I like the songs that come out and say what they're trying to say... so maybe you did mean blatant?

rock_show_host · 08-17-2007, 11:22 AM

Songs that come out and say everything directly and bluntly can quickly become uninteresting. Likewise, a song that expresses its message indirectly through metaphors, images, or symbols is not trying to "hide" its message, merely tell it in a unique way that reveals itself over multiple listens. I think that's what was meant by calling those particular lines "blatant" -- they were less interesting because they were just outright stating the theme of the song rather than taking more time to develop and show it more creatively.

Job 19:25-27 · 08-17-2007, 03:33 PM

thanks

Ax · 08-18-2007, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rock_show_host

Songs that come out and say everything directly and bluntly can quickly become uninteresting. Likewise, a song that expresses its message indirectly through metaphors, images, or symbols is not trying to "hide" its message, merely tell it in a unique way that reveals itself over multiple listens. I think that's what was meant by calling those particular lines "blatant" -- they were less interesting because they were just outright stating the theme of the song rather than taking more time to develop and show it more creatively.

Bullzeye.