[guitarczar]

Alright, I revised this a little bit and I like it much better. Take a look!

The Trade-off at Greeley Square

I fold papers in four directions
directly pointing out the dimensions of this park
as you rise with a start
as if the homeless chairs hold stories to bring out your competition;
where the bark is less than clean and
cheap green laminate peels away to reveal afternoon jaunts
where joints and not jobs (but nut jobs) are the keynote address

You're freckled face tells me one of two things
one, that you are tired, two, that you are leaning down
the spirit of inspiration, so that he speaks, only,
when the mininum of words have the maximum effect.
the rest is intuition.

It's dangerous to fit your thoughts
between slots of iron-shod bars
When felons take up residence
nightly, with keys that scrape the thin, veneer off luxury cars
and break the skin of lesser-willed pedestrians,
just outside the public borders of Greeley Square,
the fare far from anything you and I would like, but the closest thing to a fair trade

But, maybe, if, and, or when you decide
to care and continue in care
we can laugh this off as one of those buyer-impaired decisions (let the buyer beware)
and chalk it up to careless incisions, the surgeon on hand, trembling ('cause a good scare is all it takes for malpractice, and if your lot was Job and not Abraham, it'd be more than you could bear)
as our smoke remissions and fissions the foggy air
ash settles bare, a cold night passes, age on the rusting square.

[guitarczar]

Mods, could you change the title to "The Trade-off at Greeley Square"? It didn't seem to work when I did it.

[Skeeter]

I made the change.

I like this piece. The one part that stood out to me though is "'leaning'." I think I'd prefer it without the quote marks, personally. What was your reasoning for putting it in quote marks?

[guitarczar]

Originally Posted by Skeeter

I made the change.

I like this piece. The one part that stood out to me though is "'leaning'." I think I'd prefer it without the quote marks, personally. What was your reasoning for putting it in quote marks?

Because I wasn't sure if people would know I meant leaning in the sense of trimming down, making slimmer, as opposed to putting my weight on something. I guess it was to avoid ambiguity. But thanks for your comments. This is my first real foray back into poetry for a while, so it was kind of exciting.

Edit: Personally, I like it better without them too. I removed them.