Uh-oh, it's me again!

adamkaboom · 08-03-2007, 11:19 AM

Adam met this girl...an insanely awesome girl... Adam likes girl. Enough said.

Okay, so now that you have some background on what's going on... lol, here's my story. This girl and I have been conversing quite a bit here of late and I've got her stuck in my head. It's kinda weird because when I met her, I really didn't like her... at all almost. But we've been talking and I'm quite fond of her now

Anyways, I've really wanted to talk to my friend Rick about dating this girl. Rick is a youth pastor and one of the most down to earth, honest guys I know, and would give me some solid feedback. Now most of you read that last line and said to yourself, "Then why don't you just ask him smart-one?" But... there-in lies my delima. Rick just happens to be her dad. HA! How classic is that? Rick and I are great friends, which is pretty cool considering that he is 20 years older than myself... so this leaves me with a few different options.

#1: Talk to him anyway
#2: Talk to him w/o refering to his daughter
#3: Find someone else to talk to
#4: Skip talking altogether and just ask her

Okay... cons to these

#1: He says no and I still want to ask anyway
#2: He knows who I'm talking about (he's on the ball, I don't think I could pull this one off)
#3: I don't really have anyone else other than my dad... and that's awkward
#4: The only con to this is she says no... which may hurt my relationship with her family

So there's the scoop. Oh, and I feel like I need to add this. I know for most of you that just read this there will be a few questions that pop into your mind. I'm 18, she's 16. Not a very big age gap. I thought I'd let you know that I have been praying about this... for guidance and wisdom on how to handle things when/if that time comes. I haven't been praying to see if she is "the one". Some of the regulars on the D&R forum have probably read my other posts and wonder about me since I've asked about a few different girls. However, this time it's different (not to sound cliche). I'm actually using my head and not letting emotions affect my actions. I have really considered talking to Rick and seeing what his thoughts are. I will be going to college in 22 days... which would put a bit of a stretch on a relationship, but we would be in a mangable distance. I just wanted to get this off my chest basically... so this whole post is essentially just so I could get it out there. I will take any and all thoughts from you all. Thanks God Bless!

Nate · 08-03-2007, 11:28 AM

Has she dated before?

If he's your friend, her dad probably likes you well enough, and would probably even give you his blessing to date his daughter (think about it from his perspective: would he rather have a guy whom he's known for years and knows his character dating her or some guy that she met on her own whom he's never met?)... however, she's only 16, and if she hasn't dated before, he's probably going to be a little leary of letting her date anyone just yet.

Chances are that he's probably already caught on if you've been around her and him at the same time or if she's been talking to him. If you think that he has no problems in general with her dating, and you feel that you're ready to date this girl, then I see no reason you shouldn't ask him what he thinks about you dating his daughter. Just tell him that you find her interesting and would love to take her out sometime so y'all could spend more time together.

Since it's so close, however, you might want to wait until you settle into college and see how often you'd really be able to come back and visit her.

adamkaboom · 08-03-2007, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nate

Has she dated before?

She has dated before... although I'm not sure how serious it was. All I know is that she said the guy cheated on her.

Quote:

If he's your friend, her dad probably likes you well enough, and would probably even give you his blessing to date his daughter (think about it from his perspective: would he rather have a guy whom he's known for years and knows his character dating her or some guy that she met on her own whom he's never met?)... however, she's only 16, and if she hasn't dated before, he's probably going to be a little leary of letting her date anyone just yet.

Chances are that he's probably already caught on if you've been around her and him at the same time or if she's been talking to him. If you think that he has no problems in general with her dating, and you feel that you're ready to date this girl, then I see no reason you shouldn't ask him what he thinks about you dating his daughter. Just tell him that you find her interesting and would love to take her out sometime so y'all could spend more time together.

hmmm... I hadn't really thought about it from his perspective like that...something to think about!

Quote:

Since it's so close, however, you might want to wait until you settle into college and see how often you'd really be able to come back and visit her.

Yea. Honestly I was planning do this anyways. I also know that at school I'm likely to meet some girls that may make it hard to stay committed to her. (not saying I would cheat on her... I really don't know what I'm trying to say) So there are a lot of different things to consider I suppose. Thanks Nate!

**Rainer.** · 08-03-2007, 11:55 AM

I suppose the real question is whether or not he'll let his daughter date in the first place.

If he's fine with her dating, then I'd expect him to be especially fine with her dating you.

Of course, that might be an interesting topic to bring up...

"So, can I date your daughter...?"

The college deal is important to consider, obviously.

As far as:
"I also know that at school I'm likely to meet some girls that may make it hard to stay committed to her. (not saying I would cheat on her... I really don't know what I'm trying to say)"
IMO, you'll always meet new people, that fact doesn't have much bearing in this situation.

adamkaboom · 08-03-2007, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rainer.

I suppose the real question is whether or not he'll let his daughter date in the first place.

If he's fine with her dating, then I'd expect him to be especially fine with her dating you.

I'd say that's a good assumption

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Of course, that might be an interesting topic to bring up...

"So, can I date your daughter...?"

haha, yea, you have no idea how much I've thought about that

Quote:

The college deal is important to consider, obviously.
As far as:
"I also know that at school I'm likely to meet some girls that may make it hard to stay committed to her. (not saying I would cheat on her... I really don't know what I'm trying to say)"
IMO, you'll always meet new people, that fact doesn't have much bearing in this situation.

good point...

**H.M. Murdock** · 08-03-2007, 01:05 PM

Talk to him. It's just that simple. If he's your friend, he knows you well enough to advise you. The worst thing you could do is start dating his daughter without him really knowing anything about the situation, because then you muzzle him as a friend and as a father. Either way, he deserves to know, and he seems like he's in an excellent position to guide you.

SecretAgentRat · 08-03-2007, 01:22 PM

I say, talk to her dad. Not only will that show a high level of maturity (that he may already see) but it communicates that you respect him as a friend and as the father of the girl you're interested in.

Plus, some girls just love it when the guy takes that initiative. [wink]

adamkaboom · 08-03-2007, 01:40 PM

Sounds to me like I should talk to her dad... I wonder how I should approach that lol. Other than just asking... I don't think there is really a better way to go

**Matt4JC** · 08-03-2007, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adamkaboom

Sounds to me like I should talk to her dad... I wonder how I should approach that lol. Other than just asking... I don't think there is really a better way to go

If you know the Dad well already (which you obviously do), it's not nearly as hard (or scary) as it it sounds. Just like 2 months ago I did this with a girl I liked... I just found a time that I was alone with him, and in the course of conversation, said, "I've got a question for you... Would it be OK with you if I asked ____ out?" He told me if I want to, to go ahead. I was nervous beforehand, but afterward, I was like, "That wasn't hard at all..." She ended up declining, but both her and her Dad told me that they were extremely impressed with how I went about asking her.

It's not like you're asking for her hand in marriage.

adamkaboom · 08-03-2007, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt4JC

It's not like you're asking for her hand in marriage.

um... well, about that....

Just kidding!

adamkaboom · 08-05-2007, 09:40 AM

Okay, new question on talking to Rick. Should I wait until I go to school before I ask him?

Job 19:25-27 · 08-08-2007, 09:59 AM

Dang, that's hard.
Personally, if it was my daughter, (it might be defferent b/c I'm a girl but...) I'd like to be in on your plan now... but like maybe you should talk to him about it now, & then, ask her after you start school & you can tell better how much you'll actually be able to make it to see her.
(SIDE NOTE: CLEAR COMUNICATION IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO BOTH FATHERS & DAUGHTERS. i should know)

adamkaboom · 08-09-2007, 02:53 PM

Well... I Rick called me yesterday, and wanted some help doing worship at youth group...(we don't live in the same town...1 hour with a time change so I can be there in 5 minutes HA!) so I drove down yesterday after lunch and spent the afternoon with Rick. I wanted to talk to him about it but I didn't take the opportunity I had. I stayed the night at their house and the more time I was there I just felt like it wasn't the right time. I love his family to death and they are so cool to be around...but I didn't feel like I could ask. I don't know what to do about this really. Every part of me wants to talk to Rick and Lexi... but there is something holding me back and I can't figure out what it is. Without putting too much thought or stock into this, I can see myself being a part of that family. Honestly, I feel like I already am. Just being with them feels "right". I know that if things are supposed to work out between Lexi and I, they will. And, if it doesn't, then I'm gonna have to be okay with it. I've haven't stopped thinking about this since I left this morning... and I'm being pretty hard on myself for some reason. God is really doing something there...I can see it. But I don't know what.

Toadazzoffa · 08-09-2007, 03:35 PM

How far from school to them?

It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with the guy. The worst I think you would hear is "I don't want her dating someone in college quite yet.", but I'm doubting that would happen.

Just get a minute with him and say "Rick, I would like your permission/blessing to date your daughter".

Just better make sure you even the appearence of any impropriety if you want to continue to maintain the relationship with Rick.

BTW: You said in your OP that talking to your dad would be awkward. Why's that? He should be one of the first people you go to. Yeah, it might be hard to get that first thought out, but maybe you should give him a chance. I know I'll want my son to (in 18 years, 2 months).

adamkaboom · 08-09-2007, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toadazzoffa

How far from school to them?

'

it will be about four hours...

Quote:

BTW: You said in your OP that talking to your dad would be awkward. Why's that? He should be one of the first people you go to. Yeah, it might be hard to get that first thought out, but maybe you should give him a chance. I know I'll want my son to (in 18 years, 2 months).

Probably because all my dad has done is given me static about girls in general since I hit middle school. I don't know... I know he didn't mean anything by it but it just makes me feel unsure about talking to him.