[Skeeter]

Somehow this song is influenced by Bomb the Music Industry!'s new album, even though I wrote it before I heard it. I started writing it as it was downloading and then had to finish writing it before I could listen to the album (as listening to music in the middle of trying to write a song never works).

Anywho, here's the new song. It's got music and everything! It's ska-flavoured punk, I guess.

The Point of it All

The daily news is my daily bread
Sometimes I wonder how I'm so well fed
When I fill myself with alcohol
And depressing stories about how everyone's lost it all

I need a raise
I need a haircut
I need another collared shirt
From the thrift store
Around the corner
Where I'm on first name basis
With all the ladies
Who like to treat me
Like I'm one of their grandkids
And I'm happy
Being mediocre
I never thought that this would happen

[chorus]
I'm just like everyone else
Who let their dreams rot away
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
Maybe something will grow out of my death
And then it will be worth it
Oh! I swear it will be worth it
But sometimes I admit it
I just don't see it
The point of it all

I know there's dishes
Waiting for me
Growing mildew in the sink
But I'm too tired
And this couch is
Far too comfortable to leave
I need a wife
Who'll take care of me
And not let me go to sleep
Without a promise
That tomorrow
Will be a better day than this one

[chorus]

[bridge]
And every night I lie in bed
And wish I was a rebel
But I need to fill my cupboards
With Campbell's Chicken Noodle

The point of it all (4x)

[Nate]

The "alcohol" reference in the intro seems kind of out-of-place. You have this nice metaphor of gluttonizing (neologism!) over the news, but then you throw us right back into the realm of reality and concrete ideas with the reference to something that actually can be consumed. Also, to me anyway, the 'daily news' conjures images of a morning newspaper, and so the alcohol reference seems doubly out-of-place (after all, even some of the hardest drunkards will wait until noon, at least).

The verses are both very well-written. It would be cool to see more parallelism like the "I need a raise / haircut / another collared shirt" lines in some other parts of the verses (even if it's a different kind of parallelism [i.e. not repeating the head of the phrase, but some other part, or even some other way entirely of introducing comparisons and contrasts, like echoing a phrase from the first verse in your second verse later]).

The chorus is very bland until the last three lines, which set up a nice hook there at the end. The first half of it is really just throwaway cliches, man. I guess that's not all that bad for the overall punk style, but it just seems out of style for you.

The bridge is silly.

[Skeeter]

Originally Posted by Nate

The "alcohol" reference in the intro seems kind of out-of-place. You have this nice metaphor of gluttonizing (neologism!) over the news, but then you throw us right back into the realm of reality and concrete ideas with the reference to something that actually can be consumed. Also, to me anyway, the 'daily news' conjures images of a morning newspaper, and so the alcohol reference seems doubly out-of-place (after all, even some of the hardest drunkards will wait until noon, at least).

Irish coffee? Honestly, I don't know if I can change that part now, considering the rhyme. Besides, I kind of like the image, even if it portrays me as far more of a drunkard than I actually am. I have, maybe, one drink a week. I'm a lightweight.

The verses are both very well-written. It would be cool to see more parallelism like the "I need a raise / haircut / another collared shirt" lines in some other parts of the verses (even if it's a different kind of parallelism [i.e. not repeating the head of the phrase, but some other part, or even some other way entirely of introducing comparisons and contrasts, like echoing a phrase from the first verse in your second verse later]).

Thanks. I'm quite fond of the first verse, especially the parallelism you mentioned, but I personally think the second verse needs work. It would be nice to get some parallelism in the second verse to tie it together a bit better.

The chorus is very bland until the last three lines, which set up a nice hook there at the end. The first half of it is really just throwaway cliches, man. I guess that's not all that bad for the overall punk style, but it just seems out of style for you.

I agree, the chorus needs work. I like the fourth line, but it needs something better leading up to it. I'll see what I can do.

The bridge is silly.

Yes it is.