LD electronic relationships

**The wirerat** · 07-06-2007, 01:08 AM

So, I'm here in Monglia for three months. Recently a girl arrived to spend a month here working for the missonary I'm working for. We spent a bit of time together and I really enjoyed chatting with her. She's left now, and I'm here for five more weeks. Plus, she lives in Texas, and I'm in Virginia. Does anyone have suggestions for getting a relationship kickstarted over the internet? Is there anything that I should or shouldn't do?

leiarose · 07-06-2007, 06:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The wirerat

So, I'm here in Monglia for three months. Recently a girl arrived to spend a month here working for the missonary I'm working for. We spent a bit of time together and I really enjoyed chatting with her. She's left now, and I'm here for five more weeks. Plus, she lives in Texas, and I'm in Virginia. Does anyone have suggestions for getting a relationship kickstarted over the internet? Is there anything that I should or shouldn't do?

My first thought was you shouldn't do this. *wink* My fiance have been in a "LD electronic" relationship for almost 2.5 years and it's got to be the most difficult way in the world to be with someone; it's absolute horror at times. But hey - if this is the girl for you then nothing should stop you from trying to initiate something!

IM is a great start. Emails with lots of questions. A message board like this (I loved being on here with him when we started dating) or any sort of "community" online just to have a sense of social circles around you. If this turns serious - lots and lots of visits! We went a year before we met then it was every four months and now it's every 4-6 weeks, if we can swing it.

One thing - if this works out between you and you both work hard you will be insanely dedicated to each other someday.

Andrew · 07-06-2007, 07:07 AM

This is my input on the situation:

If you need to ask for help in a relationship like this, you are not cut out for it right now. This is the most painful, difficult thing you can ever imagine doing. If you are not so certain of it that you already KNOW what you need to do, then PLEASE for your own sake and hers, do not start a relationship of that nature.

That is my fiancee who just posted above me. Laura and I have done a long distance relationship for two and a half years, and it has been hellish. The only reason we are together right now is because I (by God's grace) had the confidence and certainty to hold it together even when it made no sense whatsoever. And believe me, it makes no sense A LOT of the time.

So. Until you are ready to pursue without questioning, I would REALLY advise that you let those feelings drift away.

tigerfan88 · 07-06-2007, 09:52 AM

It's doable, but only for a certain amount of time. And it is tough. Right now, I'm sorta in your boat. I've been chatting with a guy for three months and we've become very good friends. It has the potential to become something more, but we've decided to hold off on any sort of relationship for a little bit longer. The main difference, though, it that we're only separated by an hour and we're going to the same college. So we'll be able to see each other almost every day come August. It's essentially something that started online but is going to go to real life next month.

So, I would say you should probably just become good friends with her online. Don't expect a relationship beyond friendship at this point. Try calling her, chatting on web cam etc. Then, if it feels right, make plans to visit her. See where things go from there. But remember, this is going to be very difficult and tough to maintain. It can be hell being in a relationship with someone and not being able to see them every day, let alone only once a month or more.

headbanger13 · 07-08-2007, 05:13 PM

Yep. I'm on the other side of the country for 2 months, and It's darn near impossible being away from her sometimes.

**The wirerat** · 07-09-2007, 07:26 AM

Well, I'm taking it slow. We've e-mailed back and forth a couple of times. Right now she's in summer school, so I'm not e-mailing her as much. I think that i'll give it a couple more months before I mention anything about it, kinda see how the e-mail thing goes.

passinthru · 07-13-2007, 02:52 AM

As Laura and Andrew said, it is hell on earth being far away from the one that you love. Right now, I see my boyfriend twice a year because of the distance, my schooling, his job and the financial cost of international flights. That said, I wouldn't trade what we have for the world.

Skype has been a wonderful tool for us to stay in touch as it has the voice and video capabilities. As well for $35 CAD I have free long distance anywhere in Canada or the continental US (he has this as well) which means that I can call his cell and he can call me, even if the internet is down or whatever.

With minor exceptions, we've always been electronic LD. It takes commitment, time and communication. It takes dedication. You can't go out on dates with friends or take your significant other with you to a party. I had an uncle pass away early this year and because of Guthrie's job he couldn't fly up to be with me for the funeral. It's things like that that you take for granted in a dating relationship that have been the most difficult for me.

Think long and realistically before you start this. Would it be easier if we lived in the same country or at least the same timezone? Yes. Would I trade what we have? No I wouldn't. It's been hard, but we have grown so much through all of it - and strangely enough it has brought us closer together. Good Luck.

Praisey · 07-13-2007, 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katie

Think long and realistically before you start this.

I agree

A long distance relationship is HARD. My husband and I, for the most part, were in LDR. And I mean most.

Here are the downside to it...
1. loneliness
2. not being able to be with her when you need her (like what katie said above, when her uncled died).
3. the cost and i mean $$$$
4. and a lot more i can't think of right now.

Now the greatest thing about surviving LDR is that... when you are finally together, all those hardships that you guys went through will have such a significant positive effect on your relationship. It (the hardships) will definitely make both of you and your relationship stronger.