In need of encouragement

Soap · 06-03-2007, 11:30 PM

I hardly expect anyone to believe this. A lot of you know I am only 18, just graduated high school...but here goes:

I have been dating my best friend for a year and 3 months tomorrow. Our story is both funny and illogical. Our sophomore year we were just best friends, very close, and we vowed not to date anyone in high school; the thought of dating each other had never crossed our minds. In fact, I thought she was just about the most non-dateable person for me I'd ever met. She was weird, funny, and awkward...she was my best friend

About a year and a half ago something, that at the time I thought was terrible, happened. We were starting to have a different interest in each other. At times I even got on my knees and said "Please God, not her!". But God rejected my request and it got to a point where we literally HAD to date. We crashed into each other fast. Here we are today, dating for a year and 3 months. I couldn't be happier! God really knows what's best for you.

Now that you know my story, let me explain the title of this thread. I love my best friend and she loves me. Not a best friend love, an IN love love. We're totally and completely in love with each other and have been for a long time (just like dating: we tried to hide it, fight it, resist...it didnt work...we fell in love...hard). We are VERY happy with each other, we've been through hell and battles against satan himself and we have made it through many fires. The reason I need encouragement is because of our age. We are only 18. We have decided to wait until after college to get married...4 years from now. It hurts so terribly much to know that such a long time stands between us and 'happily ever after', or whatever you like to call it. We have talked about it so many times; some of you married couples out there know that feeling when you know that you know that you know that you know that he or she is the THE one. I have not asked her to marry me, haha, a 4 year engagement wouldn't be pretty.

So I ask this question: Why would God send her to me so early only to make us wait 4 years? And to be separated on top of that (she isnt going far, but 3 hours to another college is still AWFUL). Has anyone else been where I am? I really need help, some words of encouragement for me to remember for the next few, long years. Or maybe just comment on it, talking about it makes me feel better.

Thanks!

Nathanael · 06-04-2007, 10:24 AM

Have you considered going to the same school, or possibly getting married and doing so, staying in married housing? If not now, after your first two years?

Nate · 06-04-2007, 11:17 AM

I've been where you are.

When I get married in just a few weeks, it will have been five years since we started dating. The first year and a half or so of those, she went to school about an hour and a half away. Eventually, things just work themselves out if they're meant to be.

That's about all I can say.

Soap · 06-04-2007, 12:25 PM

Nathanael, no we wont be going to the same school. I'm staying here in town, she is going to study music at Texas Tech 3 hours away. I want her to go, that's what she wants. It is hurting her as much as it is hurting me to have to leave, but God made a way for her to go there through the impossible and we must follow God wherever he may lead us.

All in all, we know what we have to do. It just isn't exactly something easy to deal with.

bobthecockroach · 06-04-2007, 12:27 PM

Three hours away isn't so bad. Seriously. If you meet somewhere in the middle, that's only 1.5 hours for each of you to drive. You can do that at least twice a month. Heck, I drive at least 1.5 hours each day going to to and from school.

Soap · 06-04-2007, 12:35 PM

Heh, she's a music major...she wont have time. But really guys, i'm not looking for a way around this.

bobthecockroach · 06-04-2007, 12:37 PM

A way around it is visiting her? Are you just planning to never see her during the school year even though she lives a mere 3 hours away? I'm so confused.

Nate · 06-04-2007, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoapbarII

Heh, she's a music major...she wont have time.

I was a music major, with an econ minor, with about 20 credits a semester because of stupid prerequisite requirements for my strange joint music/business degree program... I still had time to spend pretty much every weekend with my girlfriend/fiancee when she was in town and to occasionally go up to her school to be with her. Everyone "has time" in the same capacity, it's just a matter of what priorities you choose to allow to take up that time. If it's important enough to both of you, you'll be able to see each other, regardless of how much time you or she "has."

Jfool · 06-04-2007, 01:03 PM

Make a plan to go your separate ways. Then, 4 years from now, if you're still interested, meet at the top of the empire state building on Valentines day...

Soap · 06-04-2007, 03:35 PM

Jfool...truly you have a dizzying intellect.

**Skeeter** · 06-04-2007, 03:42 PM

Dude, you need to visit at least once in a while. Long-distance relationships suck. They can be done, obviously, but since you're still relatively close, you should try to get together at least twice a month. Rachael (my fiancee) and I currently live about 3 hours apart and we endeavour to get together at least twice a month. Even that is tough and we make sure to talk on the phone in between visits and email each other constantly.

Seriously, visiting each other is a necessity and not doing so would just be punishing yourselves.

tlj009 · 06-04-2007, 04:02 PM

Quote:

I was a music major, with an econ minor, with about 20 credits a semester because of stupid prerequisite requirements for my strange joint music/business degree program... I still had time to spend pretty much every weekend with my girlfriend/fiancee when she was in town and to occasionally go up to her school to be with her. Everyone "has time" in the same capacity, it's just a matter of what priorities you choose to allow to take up that time. If it's important enough to both of you, you'll be able to see each other, regardless of how much time you or she "has."

When he said that she doesn't have the time because she is a music major, it really seemed like he had heard that or at least got that impression from her. Point being that I suspect he will be the one making the 3 hour trip to see her because she will have something to do. May not be the case but that is what I suspect. Or maybe you are right and it is mutual and neither wants to make the trip.

Anyway, what is the "Law" about whatever the time allotted is the amount of time that it will take to do something?

Nate · 06-04-2007, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tlj009

Anyway, what is the "Law" about whatever the time allotted is the amount of time that it will take to do something?

Huh?

Jfool · 06-04-2007, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoapbarII

Jfool...truly you have a dizzying intellect.

Sorry, I know this is serious. And I truly wanted to post something meaningful, but I kept remembering when I was 18 and no great solution comes to mind for your situation.

You have a lot going for you: your faith, prayer... placing this is God's hands was THE best thing you could have done. The fact you were friends is great.

You are young, but I don't know anything about your maturity level. Only you can look in the mirror and make that judgement. But if God wants the two of you to be married, distance or time won't change that.

I had some long distance relationships, and they are not all bad. Talking on the phone can be pure joy with the right person. Same for email and letter writing; it can be a great way to express yourself in new ways. You could wait a year or two and still finish college together somehow... I liked that idea.

Whatever you do, keep praying. And keep a sense of humor.

Soap · 06-04-2007, 08:46 PM

The distance between us is not a big problem. She'll come back about once a month during the school year and 2 weeks for christmas and she'll be home all summer. The big thing is I need a load of prayer to help me wait 4 years without going mad. That's kind of an exagerration...but you get the idea.