In need of encouragement

Praisey · 06-04-2007, 09:51 PM

4 years will go by fast if you can keep a constant communication with each other. I can't emphasize that enough, communication is VERY, VERY important in a long distance relationship.

As others have said, try at least even once a month to visit each other.

**Epaphras** · 06-06-2007, 09:16 AM

I've only read the first few posts, but I'll say this:

I've been where you are, except in reverse. The first year and 4 months was long-distance, then we went to school together, and through that (being together all the time) we grew in love like never before. We started talking about marriage last fall (after 2.5 years together) and now we're engaged and getting married next May. On our wedding day we'll have "been together" four years and one week.

Anyway, being apart sucks. I would suggest either seriously considering going to her school or one near it, backing off for your first year and seeing where you stand afterwards (the first year of college WILL change both of you), or toughing it out (if you choose this you both MUST be 100% committed to making it work; which involves sacrifice - as a music major she's going to have to choose between practice time and time with you on the weekend, for example...if she either sacrifices her studies for you or you for her studies, that's not good).

I know that's a little difficult to hear but seriously, LDR is hard work. If either of you isn't prepared for frustration, often awkward phone conversations, schedule conflicts, etc. than you shouldn't let it go any farther.

I personally would suggest maintaining the close friendship you have and (in love) committing to staying in touch, staying close, but not getting romantic yet, at least until after your first year. Things will be a little clearer then. Most music programs are designed to flush out all but the most dedicated, and I've seen many students get flushed out not because they weren't talented, but because they had competing passions. She can't split her emotional energy effectively, or at least most 18 year-old freshman in college can't. I've seen it over and over and over.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 07-01-2007, 03:42 PM

Reaading this...

3 thoughts come to mind.

1) Why are you both waiting till after college? It sounds like you are doing this for some reason other than self torture. Its a good question to ask yourself why. A lot of times people's reasons for this are immature and are the result of placing education over people in terms of priority. If that is the foundation of the relationship, that pattern can pervade and poison it as other things, work, ministry, etc, will take education's place.
2) You have time for your priorities. Its a simple fact. If you do not make time to see each other, its not because of school. Its because the relationship is not that important to you in reality. If she really is this important to you, and vice versa, this should be a given.
3) 3 hours is nothing. I spent a long time (around 4 years) over 2000 miles from the girl I loved. Our priorities were out of whack, and we decided I would get my degree before I got married. 3 hrs is doable. You should make the trips.

Ultimately, when you are 60 years old, whats going to matter more? whether you wreck a relationship, or graduated college a semester or 2 faster?

PianoMan · 07-01-2007, 10:59 PM

Here is some encouragement. One of my best friends at college has been through pretty much the exact same thing. He started dating his best friend in high school, and they continued their relationship in college. He attended our school, and she is attending a different college a solid distance away. They visit each other when they can, but it isn't all that much. As said above, the key to this is communication. Every night this friend talked to her on the phone for at least an hour. Even with the obstacle of distance, they have kept a strong, godly relationship. They got engaged around last Christmas and will be married about this time next year after they both graduate - 8 years after they started dating. I know that they have had their hard times, but I haven't seen many (if any) couples happier then them. It will be a long, and sometimes frustrating ride, but it can be done. In the end however, it will be worth it, and you will be all the more thankful to God for her.

Also, I have to say that I admire your willingness to wait 4 years before marriage considering your age. Admittedly, I am one of those that believes in waiting until at least 21-22 years of age before getting married. There is a lot of growth that takes place in the college years, and I believe that you miss out on a lot if you don't experience college dorm life. It teaches some very useful life skills, and often spawns some great lifelong relationships. I know that I am a vastly different person now then I was 3 years ago entering college. Then again though, I am only a single 21 year old, so you can take my thoughts and advice with a grain of salt.

***Pauler*** · 07-02-2007, 09:18 AM

i know you are looking for encouragement but maybe a sober view of "love" is the best encouragement i can give. to me (and i am in a long distance relationship...3 hours away as well), love is becoming about communication as praisey said and also about committment. this is not to say that i dont have feelings for her. i have to be committed to my gf to communicate. i have to be committed to see her as regularly as possible. i have to be committed to filling her in on the goings on of my life and sprituality. that, my friend, is a lot of phone time replacing time w/ whoever around you...however, this is what will need to happen in order to make it work. i guess i only say this b/c you said you want to get married. imho committment is as much a part, if not more a part of a relationship, than the feelings we have. i empathize w/ you my friend.

as my gf says..."lets build a teleporter...that would solve it and all the world's problems."