05-10-2007, 06:39 AM
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#1 | | Cowboy Wayne
Joined: Jul 2006 Location: Irving, Texas Posts: 545
| Theological Classes This is a thread for my paper that I wrote for my English Class. Please feel free to give comments, concerns, etc. on the paper. Thanks
__________________ There once was a man who cried himself to sleep. He still lives here. |
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05-10-2007, 08:27 AM
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#2 | | so much
Joined: Feb 2001 Posts: 21,067
| First thought after reading the first sentence: Are you really talking about "theological" classes?
__________________ 
"(a) Marriage in this state shall consist only of the union of one man and one woman.
(b) This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or
recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage. Texas Constitution, Article I, Section 32" |
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05-10-2007, 08:30 AM
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#3 | | so much
Joined: Feb 2001 Posts: 21,067
| What grade is this for?
__________________ 
"(a) Marriage in this state shall consist only of the union of one man and one woman.
(b) This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or
recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage. Texas Constitution, Article I, Section 32" |
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05-10-2007, 10:26 AM
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#4 | | Cowboy Wayne
Joined: Jul 2006 Location: Irving, Texas Posts: 545
| sophomore Honors (Pre AP) English
__________________ There once was a man who cried himself to sleep. He still lives here. |
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05-10-2007, 10:33 AM
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#5 | | so much
Joined: Feb 2001 Posts: 21,067
| For a sophomore paper, it's pretty decent. I would cite your sources. Otherwise, your grammar and style of writing is appropriate for a sophomore, though I hope it gets better before you graduate. It's significantly better than many of the college freshman and sophomore papers I graded in my TA assignment this semester, but that's, unfortunately, not saying a lot.
__________________ 
"(a) Marriage in this state shall consist only of the union of one man and one woman.
(b) This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or
recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage. Texas Constitution, Article I, Section 32" |
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05-10-2007, 10:37 AM
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#6 | | so much
Joined: Feb 2001 Posts: 21,067
| I would, however, cut out the last half of your last paragraph (starting with "The Bible is a book..."). That sentence is clumsy as all get-out and adds absolutely nothing to your summarizing paragraph. Just end the paper with the sentence that precedes that one (though I think you should add / substitute "society" to / for "religion", since that's basically what you said you would argue in your first paragraph).
__________________ 
"(a) Marriage in this state shall consist only of the union of one man and one woman.
(b) This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or
recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage. Texas Constitution, Article I, Section 32" |
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05-10-2007, 01:42 PM
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#7 | | Trumpets kick brass!
Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 117
| I already told you what I thought. (Being as I'm the one that edited it in class...)
I agree with Nate as well about the last paragraph. It is sort of...rambling almost.
And don't use "so" so much.
=P
__________________ "I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business" - Michael J. Fox |
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05-10-2007, 02:21 PM
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#8 | | Cowboy Wayne
Joined: Jul 2006 Location: Irving, Texas Posts: 545
| *editing my paper*
__________________ There once was a man who cried himself to sleep. He still lives here. |
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05-10-2007, 08:59 PM
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#9 | | Registered User
Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 22
| good. it deserves an A mark |
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05-10-2007, 09:25 PM
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#10 | | so much
Joined: Feb 2001 Posts: 21,067
| Quote:
Originally Posted by zcherry15 good. it deserves an A mark | No... it's not an A, certainly not for an honors class... not as it is right now, anyway.
__________________ 
"(a) Marriage in this state shall consist only of the union of one man and one woman.
(b) This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or
recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage. Texas Constitution, Article I, Section 32" |
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05-10-2007, 09:31 PM
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#11 | | Trumpets kick brass!
Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 117
| I agree.
And when you print your final copy, make sure you can read all the words.
>.<
__________________ "I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business" - Michael J. Fox |
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