[acrossthesirion]

The Mexican Assassin

I thought.
As I thought,
I knew.
And as I knew,
I understood: that I don't understand.
What I should, what
I want to know this part of me that exists without a face,
the sun beat skin, its only place.
It's single manifestation, "such a lovely
tan."

My name?
French, despite the lack of
genes teach the body to darken
but not the tongue to roll
or to find a spot in the heart
for a
casa blanco con verde
bajo el sol.

Shutters, they shudder, at the sound of the rain
on tin roofs and tattered homes
where I was neither gringo
nor friend.

The secret passed
from mother to me
though I keep it more hidden, less obvious, and deeper
than she
I'm more susceptible, it seems
to popular ignorance
but I won't blame them now,
for who would have guessed?
A Mexican
who can, in English, speak
and read.

[Nate]

Originally Posted by acrossthesirion

casa blanco con verde
bajo el sol.

This is incorrect Spanish syntax / grammar in at least one way, and I'm sure others. You need to match the gender of the adjective "blanco" to the gender of the noun it modifies "casa." I'm almost positive it should be "case blanca." "Bajo el sol" doesn't sound right to me either.

[acrossthesirion]

Originally Posted by Nate

This is incorrect Spanish syntax / grammar in at least one way, and I'm sure others. You need to match the gender of the adjective "blanco" to the gender of the noun it modifies "casa." I'm almost positive it should be "case blanca." "Bajo el sol" doesn't sound right to me either.

I'm sure you mean "casa blanca," but that was kind of my point, I barely speak Spanish. But "bajo el sol" I'm pretty sure is right, and I know about subject/adjective agreement. I'm still deciding whether or not to use proper Spanish here, or not, but this draft has it purposefully wrong.

[Nate]

Originally Posted by acrossthesirion

'm still deciding whether or not to use proper Spanish here, or not, but this draft has it purposefully wrong.

Oh. Interesting.

[Ordinary Sarah]

I like this. Especially this stanza:

My name?
French, despite the lack of
genes teach the body to darken
but not the tongue to roll
or to find a spot in the heart
for a
casa blanco con verde
bajo el sol.

This poem seems to exemplify the struggle between first and second generation hispanics who live in America. I don't know if that's what you were going for, but that is how I read it.

Either way, very nicely written... I enjoyed this a lot. Good job.

[acrossthesirion]

Originally Posted by SarahTheGuitarist

I like this. Especially this stanza:


This poem seems to exemplify the struggle between first and second generation hispanics who live in America. I don't know if that's what you were going for, but that is how I read it.

Either way, very nicely written... I enjoyed this a lot. Good job.

That's a pretty good reading , not exactly, but close, though I doubt anyone who doesn't know me will understand it any better.