[SmileAndFollow]

People talk of inner beauty
I tell you there is no such thing
Inside were ugly and outside is a dream
Where independent thinkers unite
(it's just too much)
Is there any end in sight?
A final word?
A last breath?
The things people push on each other
As we continue to segregate
Love and hate
I tell you the end is inside me
When I forget about my dreams and focus on your needs
Love and hate will be wed
Recognising each others faults but coming together the same

Like independent thinkers under the same name

[Ordinary Sarah]

I love it. Except for this line:

Is there any end in sight?

I don't know what it is about this line.... maybe the fact that it rhymes with the other lines, but it's not really all that unique compared to the other amazing lines.... it just sounds flaky.

I think maybe if you worded it a different way, and didn't worry about it rhyming, it would work.

[Guitaress]

Originally Posted by SmileAndFollow

People talk of inner beauty
I tell you theres no such thing
Inside were ugly and outsides a dream

These lines didn't strike me as good. Not good at all. We all have inner beauty in God's eyes, and in some other's eyes too.(I have learned this )

[Ordinary Sarah]

That doesn't mean the lines weren't good... that just means you have a different opinion.

[Guitaress]

Originally Posted by SarahTheGuitarist

That doesn't mean the lines weren't good... that just means you have a different opinion.

I guess yer right

[Pre-Ex-Girlfriend]

Other than the fact that there is no 'a' in "independent," "each other" is two words, and there seem to be some apostrophes missing, I think it's great.

[SmileAndFollow]

I don't know what it is about this line.... maybe the fact that it rhymes with the other lines, but it's not really all that unique compared to the other amazing lines.... it just sounds flaky.

I think maybe if you worded it a different way, and didn't worry about it rhyming, it would work.

I didnt even notice that that line ryhmed.... That whole section is supposed to just be dry and to the point. I will think about it though.

These lines didn't strike me as good. Not good at all. We all have inner beauty in God's eyes, and in some other's eyes too.(I have learned this )

Actually all we are is filthy rags to God. The only good thing we have in us is Jesus redemptive blood. I was calling us out for being human and always hoping that, in some way, we are good. We are not.

Other than the fact that there is no 'a' in "independent," "each other" is two words, and there seem to be some apostrophes missing, I think it's great.

Thank you for this. I rarely ever check my writing for grammar, and CGR not having a spell check doesnt help. I will try and save some grace and say that this was a freestyle, but I know Im not good with grammar in my poems.