Need some advice

AudioACanuck · 04-13-2007, 09:19 AM

I'd say just be careful, it is the internet, you really can't know who someone is online unless you have met them or you have talked to them a lot and really know who they say they are. Even little things like how do we know bobthecockroach isn't part of the mafia and is planning to kill us all? :P

I think it should take a lot of time before you trust someone, cause I know I have talked to pervs online just by questions they asked, and they got banned later on. So while this guy may be totally all right, if you go meet him, bring someone, most likely your parents or a brother, or another guy friend. Cause if he is some perv, which I doubt he is, you don't want to go alone, and you want to stay in a public place.

Vespertine · 04-13-2007, 10:41 AM

Another concern I would have is if this is your first relationship perhaps your perception of dating life could end up distorted if it didnt work out. All I'm saying here is that if you haven't experianced a relationship that has started in "real life" shall we say, then when you have a relationship with someone you actually meet first, then your experiance of relationships would be based on something that started on the internet.

In my opinion I think you would be better off looking for guys in other places then on the internet, at least to start with.

I hope this makes sence and you understand what I'm trying to say.

tigerfan88 · 04-13-2007, 11:40 AM

^ That's a great point. I definitely don't want to be sucked into a relationship that is doomed to fail and will hurt me. I'm not even going to attempt a relationship with this guy until we've met and spent time together in person. And only after I know that he's got all the qualities I'd want to see in a guy.

Praisey · 04-13-2007, 01:03 PM

these people have given you great advices already that i'm even wondering what i'm doing typing here

i'm married for 2 years (almost 3 this year) and i met my husband online. i agree with bobtheroach when he said that...

Quote:

A friendship that is clouded with thoughts of relationship is not going to be "real" in that way. You are simply not going to get to know him well if he's always trying to push you into a relationship. Similarly, you are not going to to get to know him well--nor him, you--if YOU are always pushing toward a relationship.

my husband and i, started flirting, then we found out we have a lot of things in common in terms of our faith and our spiritual direction (what we wanted to do for God), that we decided "hey enough of the flirting and let's be friends". we were friends for over a year, actually more like bestfriends, without any flirtation whatsoever, it was very platonic. the romance just started out naturally, we got to talking one time and even then we started it really, really slow.

be friends... in the real sense of the word. if it will go beyond friendship, it naturally will. that's what happened with me.

tigerfan88 · 04-13-2007, 10:36 PM

^ Thanks. I'm glad to hear from anyone who has experience first-hand with this(and also those who don't but have a lot of good relationship advice). We did start out flirting pretty heavily the first couple times we chatted. Now it's more of a laid back, get to know one another thing(though there is, admittedly, still some flirting going on). We're talking more now as friends and I'm trying to give him some advice on things like career and college choices (he wants to go to college to become a chef, but is concerned he can't afford it, so I'm trying to let him know that there's aid available for him). So, yeah, I think we're both cool with the idea of just being friends for now and seeing if that ever leads elsewhere.

tigerfan88 · 04-19-2007, 07:42 PM

Well, thought I'd update ya'll. It's officially over. The guy revealed his true self to me last Saturday night (I stayed up til 4:30AM chatting with him). He's basically someone with serious issues and refuses to get help for them. Further, he told me that he didn't want to talk to me because it would never go further than friendship, which he had no idea of knowing for sure. We messaged briefly through myspace, but never chatted again. He's now in a "relationship", which I have no idea if it is true. Honestly, I'm glad that whatever we had is over.

With that having been said, I am chatting with other guys and there are a few that really like me and I really like them. I'm not falling for them, though, and am choosing to be strictly friends with them. I'll let you know how any of this plays out.

JaytheK · 04-19-2007, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tigerfan88

Well, thought I'd update ya'll. It's officially over. The guy revealed his true self to me last Saturday night (I stayed up til 4:30AM chatting with him). He's basically someone with serious issues and refuses to get help for them. Further, he told me that he didn't want to talk to me because it would never go further than friendship, which he had no idea of knowing for sure. We messaged briefly through myspace, but never chatted again. He's now in a "relationship", which I have no idea if it is true. Honestly, I'm glad that whatever we had is over.

With that having been said, I am chatting with other guys and there are a few that really like me and I really like them. I'm not falling for them, though, and am choosing to be strictly friends with them. I'll let you know how any of this plays out.

...you could ditch online chatting and get to know guys in real life...you have a much better chance of finding someone who's real with you then over the internet.

Personally, I'd stay away from MySpace, Facebook, and even Xanga relationships. Not that it's bad to have MySpace, Facebook, or Xanga (or some other form of online communication), but don't attemt to find someone who you could possibly pursue over them. It's not that it can't work...it's that it rarely ever does and usually it just ends in pain.

AudioACanuck · 04-20-2007, 05:35 AM

I chat online sometimes, but I never go looking for a g/f. Sometimes a girl will come on and start talking to you like she wants to start a relationship, but I'm like I just met you how can you like me already y'know? I think you should just talk, and get to know the person as a friend just like how you would in real life, and then if anything happens. Cause if you sat down on a bus and started talkin to a guy, you wouldn't think about starting a relationship right then and there. But hats what people do online.

wjarmusch · 04-21-2007, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tigerfan88

Well, thought I'd update ya'll. It's officially over. The guy revealed his true self to me last Saturday night (I stayed up til 4:30AM chatting with him). He's basically someone with serious issues and refuses to get help for them. Further, he told me that he didn't want to talk to me because it would never go further than friendship, which he had no idea of knowing for sure. We messaged briefly through myspace, but never chatted again. He's now in a "relationship", which I have no idea if it is true. Honestly, I'm glad that whatever we had is over.

With that having been said, I am chatting with other guys and there are a few that really like me and I really like them. I'm not falling for them, though, and am choosing to be strictly friends with them. I'll let you know how any of this plays out.

Sorry to hear that, but I'm not surprised. It sounds like you learned your lesson though...take it slow! And that should carry over to relationships not online too. That's one thing that always has confused me...some guy & girl talk once or twice and start thinking about being "more than friends" when they're not even friends yet.

You've made the right choice about "choosing to be strictly friends".

tigerfan88 · 04-22-2007, 07:57 PM

Yeah, and like I said, it's over. He's supposedly found someone else. I think this is a guy who really rushes into things.

As for me, I've chosen to just be friends with anyone I like online. I won't even consider the possibility of more than that until I've gotten to know a guy in person. I do realize now that I fell way too hard, way too fast. I'm glad I learned that lesson before it got more "serious".

AudioACanuck · 04-23-2007, 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tigerfan88

Yeah, and like I said, it's over. He's supposedly found someone else. I think this is a guy who really rushes into things.

As for me, I've chosen to just be friends with anyone I like online. I won't even consider the possibility of more than that until I've gotten to know a guy in person. I do realize now that I fell way too hard, way too fast. I'm glad I learned that lesson before it got more "serious".

Normally online people give better first impressions than in person. You can't see their expressions or hear how they say things. I find the best way is to chat online, then if you want to meet them, use voice chat or webcams, you'll be able to figure out if they are real or not.
Like my brother knows this guy, they met online, started talking, then after about 6 months to a year they started talkin on webcams. Now they're like best friends, and he's comin down to visit sometime this year. Which is till kinda weird but, we know we can trust him. Oh by the way, they are like 13 and 14.

tigerfan88 · 04-23-2007, 09:58 AM

^ Yeah, I might have to look into doing that. I did meet a guy who seems really nice and is going to the same college as me. So we're gonna chat online and then maybe meet up for lunch at the university or something like that in the fall. We might also go golfing, since we're both avid golfers. But we're basically just friends and that's it.