How do I....

AudioACanuck · 04-05-2007, 06:04 AM

I guess sometimes it's impossible to explain something to your grandmother.

I get looked at oddly by people when I tell them I've never had a g/f or even been on a date. And I'm only 18, so I can see how you feel, cause people would be even more shocked. But there really is nothing wrong with it, God is in control of our lives and if He doesn't want you to get maried or have a b/f then He won't give you one.

lespaul59 · 06-04-2007, 12:25 AM

I'm 25 and have never had a girlfriend but my parents or any one else has never said anything that I know of about me being single. But for me it's more of a choice than not being able to get one because I know that mentaly(spelling) I've not always been in the right place to have the relationship that you should have. I mean I don't want to go out with a girl and have sex and such stuff. I want to be one and done, I want to spend the rest of my life with the girls that becomes my girlfriend. This may not be God's will for my life but I've seen my brother and sister go through more relationship and I don't want to go through what they've been through. I've had crushes I guess you could say but untill I met this girl last year I had never had feeling like I have for her. Is she my girlfriend ,no. But there are complicated things that only by God's will, will we have a relastionship other than we have now. She has changed my life and made me a better person. But I really like her and I think she knows how I feel, I also think she has the same feelings for me because of certin things. But even if nothing happens between us, I think God every day for bringing her into my life.

Grasshopper359 · 06-09-2007, 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvinjesus

How do I convince my parents/grandparents/people who are concerned that it is completely normal for me to not be dating/married at the apparently very old age of 25. I am perfectly comfortable being single at this point in my life, but somehow other people think that there is something very wrong with me for not even trying to find a boyfriend. It has even gotten to the point where I've been accused of being a lesbian, because most of the guys I meet are not the types of guys I want to date, and because I "show no interest" in them whatsoever.

However, there have been guys I would date/have wanted to date, but the timing wasn't right. I know this, and am fine with being single. And even if I never get married, I would probably be alright with that too.

I'm just sick of constantly having to explain myself to people....

I'm in the same boat. I've had people ask me if I was gay because I've never dated, and likely won't any time soon. And I'm also tired of having to justify my choice, because people think it's weird to be 26 and still single. There's a guy at work who makes fun of me on a regular basis because I've never dated, but, like your grandparents, he's not a Christian, so it's a waste of time to try to explain, because he can't understand. Sometimes, I seriously feel like telling people to bugger off and leave me alone. Seriously, it's not your life, and it has absolutely nothing to do with your life, so who cares? I'm not asking you to live like me, so what's it to you if I'm 26 and still single? What business of it is yours? And the more that people hassled me about it, the more isolated and depressed I felt. And feel. I feel like there's something wrong with me for still being single and not necessarily wanting to do anything about it.

With my parents, I did what you did: I said that I'd appreciate it if they didn't bring the subject up in public anymore. For your grandparents, I don't think there's much you can do except try to ignore the comments. It sounds like their values are so different that they'd never understand your choice, no matter what you told them. I'd just explain where you're coming from, and that it's irritating and demeaning for them to harrass you over it. Most people will understand that. If they pursue it after that, then they're doing it to belittle you, and it might be better to simply not speak to them anymore.

hapa_angel · 06-10-2007, 06:51 AM

Gwen... hang in there. I know it sucks to get talked about because you're not dating. Not long before I met Art, my mom told me our neighbor-lady was suggesting to her that I might be "like that" because I had never dated anyone and did not have any prospective interests lined up.

But she was the only one I know of who ever said anything like that, thankfully.

The one thing I have the most trouble understanding about all this is why a 25-year-old = old maid. Back at my home church in SF, I'm the odd one out, as I'm the first in my age group to be married. I'm probably the youngest married gal among the women there. On top of that, a number of leaders, people whom I've grown up looking up to, are only now getting engaged/married. They are in their 30's or very close to 30. This is seen as normal. I'm the unusual one amongst them because I'm married at my "young" age and have neither college degree nor career in hand. It's like I've put the cart before the horse. (Except it's not. But that's how it looks.)

Just thought I'd toss that in for a little perspective.

Grasshopper359 · 06-10-2007, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hapa_angel

Gwen... hang in there. I know it sucks to get talked about because you're not dating. Not long before I met Art, my mom told me our neighbor-lady was suggesting to her that I might be "like that" because I had never dated anyone and did not have any prospective interests lined up.

But she was the only one I know of who ever said anything like that, thankfully.

The one thing I have the most trouble understanding about all this is why a 25-year-old = old maid. Back at my home church in SF, I'm the odd one out, as I'm the first in my age group to be married. I'm probably the youngest married gal among the women there. On top of that, a number of leaders, people whom I've grown up looking up to, are only now getting engaged/married. They are in their 30's or very close to 30. This is seen as normal. I'm the unusual one amongst them because I'm married at my "young" age and have neither college degree nor career in hand. It's like I've put the cart before the horse. (Except it's not. But that's how it looks.)

Just thought I'd toss that in for a little perspective.

That's the exact opposite of the environment that I grew up in. My sister was 20, her husband 19, and my friends were all married before they were 23. In my growing up, the ultimate goal in life was to get married and have a family. I've had family members try to tell me that I had no choice in the matter; when God wanted me to marry, I would do so, and I'd darn well like it. I've had people at church try to put me together with people, then the next week, with a wink and a nod, ask how things went, or if I had anything to tell them. It's the polar opposite of your background. Funny how people are.

SqshdPanda · 06-12-2007, 10:09 AM

I'm single and I've tried using the Paul/1Corinthians passage with my Christian parents. It's even more applicable to me since I'm a pastor, but it didn't work. The only thing that managed to do was to make my mom argue unBiblically:
something like, "even though the Bible says you'll be wholly devoted to God if you don't get married, your ministry will be better if you're married."

*sigh*