[Nate]

With each mile I put behind me,
and each weigh-station I pass,
the simple things out here remind me
that these simple times may be my last

And sometimes pine trees and yellow paint
are the only things that are keeping me
from breaking free from all restraint
and rushing headlong into destiny
past these dividing lines.

Cruciform totems mark the passage,
and I know the power that they hold
is pumping lifeblood through our heartlands
and bringing new light into our homes

But sometimes country nights can linger
much longer than the soul can bear,
streetlamps fade down to a flicker,
I can't see anything anywhere
but these dividing lines.

Through the night her vigil keeping
at each station of the cross,
Mother Mary still is weeping,
but Father Time suffers the loss

Because something deep and everlasting
met me on these Appalachian Damascus roads,
I asked the only question that was worth asking,
"Must it be so hard to kick against these goads
and these dividing lines?"

[there's a first half of the fourth stanza, but I don't remember it]

Dash on dash upon the asphalt
like some unbreakable Morse code,
like someone trying desperately to tell us
something we already should have known
in these dividing lines.

[Small]

I love everything except the Mother Mary stanza. It seems kind of out of place, theme-wise, and furthermore, I have a strong natural dislike for the pseudo-archaic wordings like "her vigil keeping' and 'still is weeping' unless it's consistently done throughout the piece.

Other than that, I love it. It's an excellent piece of songwriting.

[Nate]

Originally Posted by Small

I love everything except the Mother Mary stanza. It seems kind of out of place, theme-wise, and furthermore, I have a strong natural dislike for the pseudo-archaic wordings like "her vigil keeping' and 'still is weeping' unless it's consistently done throughout the piece.

That part is a very bad butchering (in order to fit with the rhyme scheme and line structure) of the text of the first verse of the Stabat Mater:

" Stabat mater dolorosa
iuxta Crucem lacrimosa,
dum pendebat Filius.

At the Cross her station keeping,
stood the mournful Mother weeping,
close to Jesus to the last."

So... that's why it has archaic wording. I'm not happy with the exact wording of it, but I want to keep the overall idea.

I tried to set it up with the repetition of "station" in the first set of stanzas and the "cruciform" comment in the second. Not effective enough?

[+SEAL+]

I think that stanza works, but you just need to make the Crucifixion parallel much stronger. Then it fits quite perfectly thematically.

[Small]

Originally Posted by Nate

That part is a very bad butchering (in order to fit with the rhyme scheme and line structure) of the text of the first verse of the Stabat Mater:

" Stabat mater dolorosa
iuxta Crucem lacrimosa,
dum pendebat Filius.

At the Cross her station keeping,
stood the mournful Mother weeping,
close to Jesus to the last."

So... that's why it has archaic wording. I'm not happy with the exact wording of it, but I want to keep the overall idea.

I tried to set it up with the repetition of "station" in the first set of stanzas and the "cruciform" comment in the second. Not effective enough?

Are you fluent enough in Latin to just translate the entire stanza? I'm not sure how it would work, but it seems like something worth trying.

I noticed the cruciform reference, but missed the stations as in any way connected with the Stabat Mater portion. In fact, neither one made me think in that direction, my reaction to both was "Oho! Neatly put! Neatly put!" and that was basically all the thought I gave them.

Again, it's not a glaring incongruity; it's just a minor quibble.

[Nate]

Originally Posted by Nate

[there's a first half of the fourth stanza, but I don't remember it]

Dash on dash upon the asphalt
like some unbreakable Morse code,
like someone trying desperately to tell us
something we already should have known
in these dividing lines.

The first half of the fourth stanza is:

In this dark, a new moon's rising,
Somewhere over the next hill,
I can feel that I'm still driving,
I swear the world is standing still...

[Gandralph]

This is really cool song. Have you written any music for it. I like it.
Good Job!