[Gustin]

I'm not married and have nothing to add, but I wanted to say this is a great thread with some excellent advice. This post is mainly just to subscribe to it.

It's also interesting to see things from couples in different times in thier marriage.

[Praisey]

before I came here to the US, Jason's mom was the one who was handling his finances (paycheck)... needless to say, she's not very good at it... they live beyond their means... meaning, they spend money that they don't have because they don't make a budget that they can work on... they took out payday loans etc... they've let bills be overdue that it came to the point where they had to pay a certain amount every month (for PGE and NWgas) and still not being able to pay off the bill... so it's one bill on top of another bill that hasn't been paid off... what a mess huh? i, for one, when i found out about it, freaked out because I'm very, very careful with money.

now that we live on our own, i've taught jase how to make a budget in terms of how much his paycheck is for 2 weeks... so our budget is divided into 2 weeks for a month... that's 2 paychecks every month (i don't work yet)... i've taught him to enumerate all the bills including loans and stated an amount for all of them to paid on time... like for example, PGE comes in every 1st week of the month, so that was in our list of expenses... plus we took out a furniture loan since we don't have a couch when we moved out, that comes in every 1st week of the month too.... now the second half of the month is when the phone bill comes in, that comes in to the list of expenses for his second paycheck of the month.

our grocery for every 2 weeks is $90... we don't go beyond that.

jase and i have fought so many times about money... not because we're both spenders... but because we still have to shoulder his mom's expenses... and that still frustrates me up to now because as much as jase and i are very careful with money (he's a fast learner) we still scrape by because of "unexpected" expenses that his mom has... right now, we give his mom $100 every paycheck... here's her situation, her child support doesn't come in at all ($600) and she has already filed a complaint to the Child Support Services but right now her ex-husband doesn't have a job... the back child support pay is now over $6000... her rent is being paid for by a rich friend... she has a phone, a cellphone, PGE, etc... our friend Mike, who lives with Jase and I, regularly gives her money every paycheck (we do too) and still halfway through they are still scraping by... and everytime we go to their place there's always something new (scented candles, decorative stuff, new clothes for her and her daughter, etc. etc.) Jase and I don't go shopping at all because we stick to our budget, we don't have a shopping budget... our main goal is to pay the bills on time, that makes us happy... sometimes in one of his paychecks we can afford to go out on a date and eat at a restaurant... but only when we have set aside money for that.

i'm very frugal... sometimes i get stingy... my motto is don't live beyond your means... if you can't afford a cellphone, get rid of it... my mother-in-law has friends who help her out financially and even us and mike... if i can account all the money that she's given, it would be a lot and she can live very comfortably (meaning, bills paid on time)... right now, because of her mismanagement of her own finances, she made Jase took out a car title loan ($300) to fix her car's brake... because we're helping her out every paycheck, we can't set aside money to finally pay it off... we pay for that ($100) every month... we have furniture loan, computer loan, payday loan, car title loan.

sorry if i'm ranting about my mom-in-law's handling of finances... but i feel like we are paying for 2 households... and that's why we fight about money... i guess my main point is... don't live beyond your means and stick to your budget no matter what.

[nate95366]

Originally Posted by Praisey

sorry if i'm ranting about my mom-in-law's handling of finances... but i feel like we are paying for 2 households... and that's why we fight about money... i guess my main point is... don't live beyond your means and stick to your budget no matter what.

I think you have right to rant! And at the same time you testimonially teach a good lesson.

Nate

[leiarose]

I wish you could ease out of that situation, Mylene. Not to drop your mother-in-law, but to educate her gently on budgeting the income she receives and then not go over that through your generosity. It's rough but you shouldn't have to be put under burden like that.

[Praisey]

thank you. i just feel bad that i'm feeling all these "negative" feelings about her and the situation. i know that it's hard not to have regular money coming in... but i don't know... maybe it's just me... but if i am in my mom-in-law's position, i'd find work... the money that my friends give me, i'd make sure i spend every penny only in things we NEED, not WANTS... i'd get rid of the cellphone, no shopping etc. etc.

i can't educate her... i'm not her daughter... besides, she's a very sensitive person... she'd feel that i'm "condemning" her... i think she feels bad enough that jase still gives her money but at the same time she's not doing anything about it.

anyways, i feel that i'm the bad person because i'm feeling this way... i feel like i'm being selfish.

[leiarose]

I wouldn't call it selfishness...perhaps just being mature and practical with finances. I certainly wouldn't call you out for helping her - you have a great attitude and desire to help. It's obviously frustrating.

[Praisey]

yes it is (very frustrating). thank you for being nice.

anyways, i'm sorry bill if i ever veered off topic because of my rantings.

[passinthru]

Originally Posted by Symbiotic

and i do believe everyone here is American(or in the US).....food costs in Canada a considerably more....in fact...almost everything is....

I'm Canadian - living in Southwestern Ontario at a minimum wage job (which just hit $8.00/hr and maybe working 10 hours a month).

When there is money to grocery shop the best bet is to get the grocery fliers and go through them picking out the best deals. I know each province and region are different, but there are Food Banks. Some places have cheaper food hamper programs where you can get fresh seasonal produce and various other food items at a discounted price. Soup kitchens and meal programs are a great way to get fed - you always meet some interesting people.

My parents raised a family of 7 (2 adults, 5 children) on a maximum of $100/week for groceries. In the tight days, that was more like $75-80. You buy fruit/veggies in season and frozen veg when out of season. No Name and Equality brands are good for this. Oftentimes you can get day old breads either at a bakery surplus store or in the discount section of the bakery in your local grocer. Meats - we eat a lot of ground beef. Pasta and rice were the mainstays of meals.

There are always places to cut the budget down - no tv means no cable or satellite bill. No extra trips means less gas. It's not easy, it can be done.

Guthrie and I while still dating are quite open about finances - in part because he is supporting me financially right now. We have slightly different spending habits, I'm more inclined to spend money on the day to day things than he is - but we both can tighten the belt. I would rather know just how bad things are and face that reality together, rather than having him shoulder it on his own.

[exo]

So, I'm a fan of Dave Ramsey. With that, I have a pretty specific budget and am frugal myself. I handle all the finances including investments, etc. I do share all this information with my wife (via e-mail), but I just found out recently that she's never looked at it... this is going to change. I know that I feel as though I am the only one that 'gets' where we are financially, and gets where we are going or need to be.

I do constantly have to reign in my wife's spending habits. The problem is that when she wants something she wants that thing and only that thing and everything else is inferior. However, she also doesn't like being ripped off so she tries to find the cheapest price for that thing. Unfortunately, this sometimes doesn't work out (e.g. Mercedes only get so cheap, you know [btw, we do NOT have a Mercedes]). It's these times that it doesn't work out to actually be inexpensive that some arguments and issues arise. Depending on the scale of the thing, sometimes I just let it go ($50 vs. $5000).

We have decided, though, that the final decision does rest with me ultimately. I have rarely had to use this 'power', and I honestly don't like to because I love her and do want to see her happy, but I have the grasp on the finances and what's going on. And, to my wife's credit, she does ask me about the balance in our budget for certain items and does ask to confirm about larger purchases. For this, I am very thankful. But for reasons I mentioned above, I am going to sit down with her next month and do the budget for April together. I want her to see where our money goes and how much money we do and don't have.

For me, it's hobbies that are my vice. I enjoy fishing, camping, video games, reef keeping, soccer, guitar playing, music, movies, etc and these can get expensive quick. I gave up my most expensive hobby to cut costs (reefkeeping) and I now have us both with an equal allowance each month. This helps me to keep my spending in check, but also helps my wife to feel like things are spent fairly. It also gives her a good idea of how she splurges every once in a while and how much that actually does cost (she shops in spurts... for example, doesn't buy any clothes for 6 months... then goes and spends $500 in a month), and it also helps to not give me a heart attack when she does splurge because we've saved for it.

There's some items that we save for each month and some items that we don't. My wife is aware of all of those things and is aware of the balance at the end of the month for those things that she cares about most.

If we are skimping by during a particular month, I let her know and I definitely wouldn't hide it from her. The main reason for this is that she's not a frugal person by nature. She doesn't like getting ripped off and she finds good deals all the time, but she's not frugal in the sense of buying wants vs. needs if you know what I mean. So, of both of us, she is definitely the one who needs to know to curtail her spending. I would feel irresponsible to my family if I didn't tell her.

The kids aren't an issue just yet, but that will get interesting with allowance and the like as they get older.

[nate95366]

Originally Posted by Praisey

i feel like i'm being selfish...

You are definitely NOT being selfish in the regard of shipping cash over to your hard-luck mother-in-law. If there was anything on the "bad" side that you're guilty of, it might be enabling your mother-in-law's decision-making skills (or lack thereof). That's just my opinion.

Nate

[finchfeeder]

You (Bill) know the best way to work with your own wife. It sounds like you are doing just fine with it.

I spend about 1/2 of your (Bill) weekly food budget on bread and milk alone. I have been wondering how you make it on so little. Ramen noodles and surplus rice explains a whole lot. My husband refuses to eat Ramen noodles. I don't know where to find surplus rice.

[nate95366]

My husband refuses to eat Ramen noodles.

I don't blame him. I think each package raises your blood pressure by 10 points on each side and probably takes several hours off your life....and I'm only half-joking.

Originally Posted by finchfeeder

I don't know where to find surplus rice.

I don't know that I buy "surplus" rice, but large quantities are available at retail "wholesalers" such as Costco or Sam's Club, or the grocery store that lies closest to the most Hispanic-dominated area of town.

Nate

[Nate]

Dude. It's rice. Even if you bought the fanciest rice you could find, it'd still be about the cheapest food staple available to you. If budgeting your rice purchases is an issue, you're in trouble.

I spend money like it don't mean nothing andbesidesI'vegotathingforyou... therefore, I will not "control" the money when I get married. It doesn't hurt that I won't be making it either (). The idea of one or the other of us being "in charge" of the finances seems a little silly to me, though. We're adults and should work together.

[nate95366]

Originally Posted by Nate

The idea of one or the other of us being "in charge" of the finances seems a little silly to me, though. We're adults and should work together.

After being married for a little while, I think one of the things you learn is that "working together" doesn't mean splitting every task evenly between the two of you. My wife handles the finances, pretty much 100%. I handle the buildings/grounds/property maintainance, pretty much 100%. Yet I have no doubt that we work together. There are tasks that we share (laundry, cooking, cleaning...), but that's not what we stake "working together" on. The picture of working together is a very subjective, very large thing to wrap your mind around. I understand where you're coming from because you've not been married just yet, but bookmark this thread and re-visit (if it's still around) in 5 years. You'll wonder who this "Nate" screen-name guy is...

(the other) Nate

[Nate]

Originally Posted by nate95366

After being married for a little while, I think one of the things you learn is that "working together" doesn't mean splitting every task evenly between the two of you.

Well, yes. I understand that. Really, I do. But some of the posts have sounded more like "Here's how I think we should handle our finances, and, therefore, that is how we will handle our finances." I'm not saying we're going to have a discussion about everything we spend money on or that we're going to alternate taking turns to the bank or even that we're going to sit down every month and talk about our bank accounts or anything like that, but it scares me to think that one or the other of us would ever get to the point where we are the only one determining our financial goals and our methods of getting there.

My feelings have something to do with... other things, too.