[Tracy]

Hello one and all,

Insert suitable introduction here. Actually, I will get on with this blogging business in the morning when I have an acceptable amount of caffeine flowing through my veins. A certain roach requested this be created now, however, so here it is.

Embrace the mediocrity.

Edit: Note to self: "floating" and "flowing" are two very different verbs.

[bobthecockroach]

Yes, it was very important that this be created now, so I can give you my 13000th post!

[Tracy]

Nice. *sconecoffee*

My blog is not worthy.

[Kati]

Tracy gots blog?

Yayyyy.

[Tracy]

Oooh, a Kati post. I have truly been blessed.

Anyway, not much is going on. I filled out a job application and will go hand it in tomorrow. The "where" is uncertain, because the poster listing the job and telling me to bring in the form is at a location that is not the one I wish to work at. I mean, I could work there, too, but the job posting... um. Okay, job posting is at location A but it is for locations B and C, and I would be okay with working at either location A or location B. Life enjoys confusing me right now.

I also found out about activities going on at school, which I can still join in on. This makes my heart glad. Now to learn about time management. That's the tough one.

There is a blood drive going on this week. Free pizza is offered to donors. I donated too recently to do so again. This makes my heart sad.

In other news, my kitty is fluffy and I don't understand how my fish are still alive. I also need to get a picture for Facebook. I predict a delay of approximately six months, unless I end up using that "glowing" picture from when I was 14 years old. It is no longer with me, however. Nor are the smiley face hologram sunglasses I was wearing at the time. This also makes my heart sad.

It has occured to me that I need a signature. And avatar, and stuff. All suggestions are welcome.

[Kati]

Six months = Too long, missy.

Signature = I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee. ~Flash Rosenberg

Thanks a lot...now I want pizza, and there's no way I could eat it with the sore throat I have right now. Unless maybe I put it through the blender first, but that's incredibly disgusting. Ew.

Also, your life confuses me too, so...don't feel alone? *helpful*

[Tracy]

This is the most glorious day of my life, I think. And how true. Thank you, my French phone mouse sistah. (I seem to remember there being other links of siblingdom, but I could be mistaken.) Now I just need an avatar and I can proceed with world domination.

Ew, yes. Blenderpizza is yucky. I will in fact be eating pizza later this week, but not for free. Oh, the trials of faking a social life. At least it's cheaper than Pizza Hut would be. Not as good, though, I'll bet.

Well, I think I'm supposed to have a handle on my own life. Or something. Insert metaphor here about what I'd like to do in life. I can't remember it in French, and I certainly can't remember it in English.

[Kati]

For an avatar, you have choices. First, there is the obvious:



Then there is this:



For no reason.

Or this.



Or you could go with Canada.

[bobthecockroach]

Hello... are you feeling neurotic today?

[Tracy]

Kati, I owe you one. Or two. Or forty-two.

Yes, I am feeling quite neurotic, as well I should. I think.

Today is laundry day. I'm not sure having clean clothes and bedding is really worth $6 and lots of running up and down stairs, not to mention folding. It also means watching beloved t-shirts get one wash closer to pillowdom. I always forget how much cheap fabric shrinks.

Today is also housework day, but that is a sordid tale indeed, and I don't care to speak of it.

Unfortunately, this is all there is to my life as of now, apart from some annoying decision-making. Tomorrow I have class, a department party, and, most importantly, packing. Friday I go visit people and return for a workshop Saturday. Sleep and CGR will have to fit in there somewhere.

[Tracy]

I'm not sure why I felt the need to get to school over an hour early when I simply needed to print out course notes and the lab for my quantitative methods course. I did, though, and now I'm struggling to stay awake.

This week's been an interesting one in terms of decision-making. There's been the job search (didn't get around to handing out my CV, but I know I need to), and then a discussion with my program coordinator which means that more decisions await me. There's the question of which courses I want to take in English (up to 10, depending on what's available), and then finding a subject and, more importantly, a professor, for the independent project I want to take on in the fall. I also had an interesting discussion when he said my average was very good for someone in their first semester of study in a second language, and I didn't agree with enough enthusiasm. He kept bringing up the point, and then I said "It's a problem of mine." By that, I really meant, "This conversation isn't going to make me change my mind, so please let it rest." Go me for phrasing things right. I'm not particularly thrilled with my average, but it's not like I'm beating myself up for it, either. I've come to view grades in a pretty pragmatic manner, anyway. It doesn't matter how good they are if they don't qualify me for what I want to do.

That evening, my landlady helpfully showed up and informed me that I have a month to decide whether I'm staying another year. This is a bit problematic because that decision depends on whether a good friend of mine is going to a nearby university, and she's only now been able to send in her application. She's said repeatedly she intends on going through with this plan, and I believe her, but it is a bit unnerving to be so uncertain about it. Hopefully the university will repond quickly as it did in my case last year.

I really don't feel like going to the department party tonight, but I do need to get to know people in my program, so I probably should. I am definitely heading off as soon as I can manage it, though, in order to have time to pack and, you know, sleep.

I am quite possibly starting volleyball lessons next week. That should provide a nice change of pace.

I would say that I probably won't be online this weekend, because I probably shouldn't be online, but I know better than that. My self control has failed me this semester.

[Kati]

Tracy, post now.

kthxbye

[Tracy]

I would write more often, but my life is pretty boring as of late. Today I hurt my wallet. I needed to pick up prescriptions, and absorbent deodorant which uses some kind of cotton thingy to deal with sweat instead of aluminum compounds. I did that. Then I went to the pet store and bought a big bag of cat food, accompanied by a free photo album. The bus driver laughed at me when he saw me with the cat food. It made me die a little inside. I then proceeded to eat lunch and go to school to work on a project for quantitative methods. I realised that I have no idea how to write a report as a statistical consultant, probably because that is neither my current profession nor do I aspire to such a position. I also realised that pie charts are pretty, at least when you have a colour printer. Finally, I went home, ate some more food, made muffins, ate a couple, and here I am now, writing the most useless blog entry known to humankind.

Happy?

On a more serious note, university has been interesting, not in least part when my "worlds" (psychology student and Christian) cross. Maybe that isn't the right way to put it. What I mean is hearing my classmates speak about Christianity, or people with the church or campus group talk about psychology. In both cases, what I hear diverges greatly from what I hold to, to the point where I'm seriously tempted to try and organise a discussion of sorts to clear up what I see as misconceptions. It does unsettle me, though, because I wonder if maybe I'm the one who doesn't understand things correctly.

One of the problems is that both Christianity and psychology group a huge variety of views, even more so when their labels are considered. To list a few common issues that have come up... The idea that we can save ourselves by being "good" people is contrary to the very basis of our faith, and I don't think one can claim that sex is considered to be universally bad according to the Bible, but undoubtedly my classmates have heard that such views are part of Christianity. It is true that certain schools of psychology claim that we are inherently good and should do what feels right, and some are downright anti-religious, but that certainly doesn't cover the domain as a whole and so I don't think faith and psychology are incompatible. Nonetheless, the former view is one we hear about perhaps the most, and the latter obviously sticks out, so it happens that some people see no more than that. In both cases, because so many views are grouped under the same label, it is hard to really argue the point. I can say only "Well, I'm a Christian/psych student, and blah blah blah", which of course doesn't mean very much.

On a slightly related note, a recent conversation on suicide with a girl from the Christian group on campus has left me feeling somewhat bitter. Having lived through periods in my life where that seemed like the only option, I find it frankly insulting when someone who hasn't had the same experience comes up and makes all sorts of extravagant statements about what it really represents. When I was in that state, I didn't have the strength left for this ultimate rebellious spirit she spoke of. Although obviously my faith wasn't at its strongest during those times, I would say that there were times when I wasn't feeling so low and yet turned away from God to a greater degree. I can take a step back and sort of understand how it seems like an incomprehensible act from the outside, but I am struggling a lot with this. I know I need to get over it, but it hits such a nerve that I don't know how.

I just wonder what kind of a freak I must be with all the things that concern me. I am a Christian. I hope to pursue a career as a clinical psychologist. I've already gone into a bit of why I feel out of place because of that. It also leaves me wondering how to live out my faith in clinical practice. Work as unto the Lord, I get. However, considering that the therapist-client relationship is of such a nature that I think introducing one's personal views could be harmful, and the legal issues which would ensue, I don't know how to reconcile that with the command to share the gospel. Especially the first part, since it really is a delicate situation... but I still feel ill at ease. Then add in my concern for the environment (though I'm certainly not perfect in acting on it), when the majority of people I know at my church feel it is too much of an effort simply to recycle, even when bins and/or collection services are available.

I've lately felt a great burden for older children in foster care, and have no idea what to do with that. I don't know of any organisations around here I could volunteer at, and while I am praying about the possibility of adopting later in life, I most certainly am not in a position to do so now. Then that just reminds me that I don't have the maternal reaction to babies/very young children that most women do, and again, I feel like something of a freak. I just don't know what to do around them. This quote I remember from (I think) a Simpsons episode says it all: "So you're a baby... how's that working out for you?" I know a lot of it comes down to experiences from my childhood and a simple lack of exposure, but supposing it doesn't get resolved, I don't know what that implies for the rest of my life.

Anyway, enough rambling for the time being. Life in general is going much better than this post would imply. Moving out has done me a lot of good, and I've been more at peace than I can ever remember being. It's just that said peace combined with the stage of life I'm in leads to a lot of questions about who I am and what God's will is, in general and for my life. Needless to say, there are no easy answers and so I've been rather preoccupied with this lately.

Next post will be fluffier. Promise. Maybe a kitty picture if y'all are good.

[bobthecockroach]

Originally Posted by Tracy

I know I need to get over it, but it hits such a nerve that I don't know how.

That kind of stuff hits a nerve with me even when I haven't experienced whatever it is in question. I just don't like people presuming that they can speak from someone else's viewpoint without even really caring about what it's like to be in the other person's position.

People are silly sometimes.

That's about all I can think to say, but since you asked for a reply, I obliged. Aren't I nice?

[Tracy]

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

That kind of stuff hits a nerve with me even when I haven't experienced whatever it is in question. I just don't like people presuming that they can speak from someone else's viewpoint without even really caring about what it's like to be in the other person's position.

People are silly sometimes.

That's about all I can think to say, but since you asked for a reply, I obliged. Aren't I nice?

Yes, yes. Sconecoffee for you!