[Mattlock]

This is gonna sound immature; But it's high school, so when you say "Everybody in this situation is acting like 14 year old girls," that's because 14 year old girls usually act like 14 year old girls.

So, as you know, everybody in their Freshman year is an emotional wreck, and some people choose to handle that differently. I, for one, usually don't like to voice my problems in public in front of everybody, and if I'm having a bad day, I usually don't hang out with a large group of people, and if I am, then I'm not gonna sit there and wallow in my sorrows. The rest of this "clique" per say, is the complete opposite. And if they're having a bad day, then I'll know quite well.

We're also one of those groups that, even though we all love each other to death, we're, including me, always poking fun at each other, sometimes it's not bad, sometimes it goes a little over-the-top. Maybe it's just because in the last month I've become overly self-concious, but I never noticed it if they'd make fun of me, or really cared for that matter. I never worried about not being accepted with my friends until about a month ago. Now, I do. And it seems like at school if I say "hey" they don't pay attention to me, they're always ignoring me, ect. But that's a whole 'nother can of worms.

I also need to mention that I'm known to exaggerate a lot of things. Yes, this all has a point.

OK, so here's the story. Yesterday I was hanging out with friend A and friend B, both girls. We were at friend B's house, watching TV, ect. poking fun at each other, I'm trying not to do my share, but everything they seemed to say kinda hurt. No big deal, but I already wasn't having a very good day. My dad calls, makes the situation even worse. They've also spent the whole day telling me the girl I like "Is low-class, not good looking, obnoxious, you shouldn't like her, you should like this other girl and go out with her, ect." Not very fun for me. Then friend A says "Hey, Matt, let's all go to your house tonight, OK? Let's call a bunch of people." So we start calling people, and then friend A changes plans, she wants to go to a dance.

I'm broke, not up for the idea at all, just made these plans, so I'm not gonna go, assuming she'll revert back to the original plan. But she doesn't, and invites the rest of the group to go with her, so I'm stuck with really no one, and upset, but not mad at her. So me and friend A are leaving friend B's house, and I, according to her, just storm off after telling her I was upset about today.

She gets PISSED. And being the civilized people the rest of my group is, when one person is mad at one of the group members, the whole group has to be. So right now all my best friends hate me. W00t w00t.

I called her tonight to try and apologize because I realize the only way I'm going to fix it is if I'm the bad guy. So I try to tell her I'm wrong, she's right, I exagerrated, but she won't let me say anything and she tells me she's offended deeply by what I said and did, and that I need to stop assuming things that go on in her life, ect. ect. ect. (I don't know where this came from...), and that if she's right then I shouldn't have ever said anything. Basically instead of making things better, they're worse. She hates me with a burning passion right now.

I'm not trying to make her sound like the bad guy here, because I did exagerrate things a little, but what she doesn't understand is that I'm not mad at her, I love her to death and want to be friends with her, I'm sorry for exagerrating everything, and that SHE'S NOT THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS S*** GOING ON IN THEIR LIFE. If I tell her that, I'm trying to say "I'm sorry, let's put this behind us." She heres "F*** you, I hate your guts."

I know I should try talking to her, but everytime I've ever tried to fix things like this, I always make it work. I know I should try and talk to her friends about it, but they all hate me right now too.

What on should I do? And thank you SOOOOOOOO much in advance

[redbaron]

sounds like you're in that fun place of having grown up faster than your friends.

The only thing you can do with people who have this mindset is either live with it and let it go, or find friends who are more mature, and considerate. :-\

[Mattlock]

That would definately be the easy way out... But I'm really not looking to do that. I love my friends to death, but I'm really sick of the way we are. Should I try and talk to her as soon as possible, or let it all cool down for a couple of days/weeks/months/years...

[jengoesup]

Well, interestingly enough you sound exactly like me. I hate it when my friends do dumb things like that...usually I just go and apologize to them.

[Mattlock]

I really do think it's more than a matter of apologizing, she is incredibly upset. I seriously offended her.

[jengoesup]

Maybe she just had a bad day? Let her cool down and maybe approach her later. I understand what you say about her being seriously offended, but maybe come a few hours or a day or so later, she'll rethink it. I don't think there much else to do beyond sincerely apologizing, and saying that you don't wish this to come between you and her.

[Mattlock]

That's really the most comfortable advice I'm looking for, but I have this gut feeling that every second I put it off she's gonna hate me even more.

We don't have school tomorrow, so I get an extra day to let her cool down.

[redbaron]

Let her cool off for a little while and then talk about it. Don't take all of the blame. If she's acting catty, selfish & shallow then that's her deal. Your deal would be storming out- I don't think saying you're upset about something is something you need to apologize for. Nor does leaving a crummy situation, for that matter. The method of leaving might be the issue that you need to reflect on.

I had to start learning a long time ago that if I let myself get caught up in everyone else's self centered emotional trainwrecks, I spent my life miserable. There's a point at which you have to just let people grow up.

[EleventhHour]

"the only way I'm going to fix it is if I'm the bad guy"

That's bearing false witness against yourself, not a good idea. I've done that and you mostly get run over even more. Teens or not, you don't have to think you're responsible for making someone else happy, not to the point where you have to go that far.

[Mattlock]

But she took what I said personally, so it technically IS my fault, even though I'm dumbfounded as to why what I said would make her blow up like so...

From a girl's perspective, was what I did wrong? Or is she taking this wwwwwaaaaayyyyyyy too far?

[EleventhHour]

Well, I think first thing is get any anger out of your feelings over her going out without you, if I understand the situation. You got it out when you told her you were hurt, I hope.

Of course guys and gals understand thinks differently and have different expectations than the other expects. Relax, you are never going to make it perfect, just hopefully get things back to normal or better.

You are really trying very hard to control how she feels about you adn the situation, and that's not really a good idea. Just water down your anger and say "hey, I'm sorry, I think I overdid things and I really just was hurt because things didn't go the way I expect, and I ended up alone. I value your friendship and want things to go back to being normal".

As a female, I think she'll appreciate that you told her how you feel, and be glad you care that you didn't get to spend that evening with her and the group.

You are only responsible for your anger, and she's not being 100% the angel. Don't be too worried when you call again, just let go and let god.

[H.M. Murdock]

Originally Posted by Mattlock

But she took what I said personally, so it technically IS my fault

Compare section a (bold) with section b (italic). You presented yourself with the reality of the situation, then snatched it right back before you could realize it.
Like redbaron said, how a person reacts is their own problem. To put it bluntly, you should not have to apologize for her not being big enough to communicate with you. Period.
She took what you said personally. Did you say anything morally wrong, or is she just getting offended at nothing? If it's not really and truly your fault, then you shouldn't be apologizing for. Apologize for her being offended, sure, but you may or may not need to apologize what whatever it is that's offended her.

From a girl's perspective, was what I did wrong? Or is she taking this wwwwwaaaaayyyyyyy too far?

So a girl's perspective or a guy's perspective changes general standards of maturity? *wink*

[passinthru]

Originally Posted by Mattlock

But she took what I said personally, so it technically IS my fault, even though I'm dumbfounded as to why what I said would make her blow up like so...

It sounds to me like you are good at taking responsibility for others feelings, actions, and reactions.

You need to allow her the freedom to take responsibility for what she did wrong with her words and her reactions. You are putting the onus on yourself here. The implication is that she wouldn't have blown up if you hadn't said what you did, therefore it must be your fault that she blew up.

From a girl's perspective, was what I did wrong? Or is she taking this wwwwwaaaaayyyyyyy too far?

She got hurt. She reacted as a 14 year old female where everything is taken to extremes.

What was your part in what happened? That's what you take responsibility for. Your actions, your words that were out of line (if they were). Other than that it's not for you to carry.

Write her an email or talk to her face to face. Take responsibility for what is yours. Let her know how you feel about what is happening between you two. The ball is then in her court.

[Mattlock]

Well, me and her talked. It's OK, as far as I can tell.

Thanks for the advice, guys. I appreciate it.

[jengoesup]

Originally Posted by Mattlock

Well, me and her talked. It's OK, as far as I can tell.

Thanks for the advice, guys. I appreciate it.

Yay You're welcome.