Is it right?

JesusFrEaK0077 · 01-17-2007, 06:52 PM

Is it right for my brother to be beating me up every time that he has a bad day. I'll come home for lunch or after school and I don't say anything and he picks a fight with me. And usually it ends up with him punching the living crap out of me. He knows he can't hit me in the face because my mom would then know. But it just scares me now to go home because I know he'll probably do something. I want to know if this is even right because I now spend more time at school and friends houses than ever just because I avoid him as much as I can.

**MtlMom** · 01-17-2007, 06:57 PM

Okay, I'll ask the obvious question. Why haven't you talked to your mother about this?

JesusFrEaK0077 · 01-17-2007, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MtlMom

Okay, I'll ask the obvious question. Why haven't you talked to your mother about this?

Because she's not home that much. And that's why we're left alone so much. And when she does get home it's usually later at night and we're talking about other stuff. She's a single mom trying to raise 2 teenagers (succeeding at it quite well) and trying to get one ready for college. She spends most of her time working and planning things to spend every moment she can with us and when I'm with her alone I never tell her about it. I'm afraid to.

Cruelty*free · 01-17-2007, 07:11 PM

That's not right at all! No questions asked.

**MtlMom** · 01-17-2007, 07:17 PM

It sounds like your mother is trying very hard, and that she loves you very much. Let me give you a mom's perspective on this. If you were my child, and your brother was beating you up, I would be very upset that you didn't come to me. Talk to her. Make the time.

JesusFrEaK0077 · 01-17-2007, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MtlMom

It sounds like your mother is trying very hard, and that she loves you very much. Let me give you a mom's perspective on this. If you were my child, and your brother was beating you up, I would be very upset that you didn't come to me. Talk to her. Make the time.

She is trying. I give her credit for that. But I'm just afraid to tell her. I figure that when he leaves everything will be fine. I'm just waiting. I don't know what else to do.

**Rainer.** · 01-17-2007, 07:54 PM

I think it'd really be best off for him if you can figure out how to get him help to manage his anger. It is not right for him to be abusing you in that way, and it could amount to domestic violence, which is very serious indeed. He needs help, and you need to talk to your mother and it's not a bad idea to talk to your pastor about it, too.

Even if you won't have to deal with it anymore if you just wait it out a bit, his problem is just gonna move out of your house, but it's not gonna go away.

**MtlMom** · 01-17-2007, 08:04 PM

I'm also very concerned for you on another level. Girls who allow themselves to be abused (yes, by not doing something about it you are allowing it) often grow up to be women who are abused. You need to take control of this right now. It is not okay for anyone to hurt you, and you need to take the steps to stop it now.

passinthru · 01-17-2007, 08:46 PM

Please listen to Mrs M. (MtlMom). I understand that not telling seems like the easy solution here. It's not.

Please tell your Mom about this.

wjarmusch · 01-17-2007, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by passinthru

Please listen to Mrs M. (MtlMom). I understand that not telling seems like the easy solution here. It's not.

Please tell your Mom about this.

Ditto, no it's absolutely 100% not right. Do the right think and talk to your mom about it. I know it's hard but it's something that you need to do. It'll be better in the long run for all 3 of you.

JesusFrEaK0077 · 01-18-2007, 04:57 PM

I know this needs to be stopped but telling someone in person is the hard part. I'll start telling someone and I freek out about what will happen and I stop. I can't get it out. I've seen how this could turn out. My mom works in an office that is just a normal office downstairs and then upstairs is a shelter for abused women and their kids. I've seen how it turns out. I've heard the stories and looked at pictures. That's why I'm so scared. Every time I go into her office and see the pictures I think about it.
I'm trying not talking to my brother for now. I"ll come home and go straight into my mom's room and lock the door (it's the only room with a lock) and I'll watch tv or get on the computer or something. So I'm avoiding it that way. I hope that works.

exo · 01-18-2007, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JesusFrEaK0077

Because she's not home that much. And that's why we're left alone so much. And when she does get home it's usually later at night and we're talking about other stuff. She's a single mom trying to raise 2 teenagers (succeeding at it quite well) and trying to get one ready for college. She spends most of her time working and planning things to spend every moment she can with us and when I'm with her alone I never tell her about it. I'm afraid to.

Talking to someone on the internet is difficult, so take what I say in the best way possible. Your mom is not succeeding here. She has a son who is abusing her daughter and a daughter who is letting it continue. Something pretty serious is going on here. You need to stop avoiding it, and talk to your mother or a counselor about this. You are currently one of those battered women that make you so sad. It makes no difference that it is your brother. Please go and get some help for you and your family.

JesusFrEaK0077 · 01-18-2007, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by exo

Talking to someone on the internet is difficult, so take what I say in the best way possible. Your mom is not succeeding here. She has a son who is abusing her daughter and a daughter who is letting it continue. Something pretty serious is going on here. You need to stop avoiding it, and talk to your mother or a counselor about this. You are currently one of those battered women that make you so sad. It makes no difference that it is your brother. Please go and get some help for you and your family.

Mostly now it's not visible abuse.. it's more emotional A LOT. He's scared me to death basically. I've been not home enough for it to happen. I'm trying not to let this continue but it's hard to tell anyone. When someone asks me what's wrong at school I won't tell anything because I can't. I can't talk about it in person.

exo · 01-18-2007, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JesusFrEaK0077

Mostly now it's not visible abuse.. it's more emotional A LOT. He's scared me to death basically. I've been not home enough for it to happen. I'm trying not to let this continue but it's hard to tell anyone. When someone asks me what's wrong at school I won't tell anything because I can't. I can't talk about it in person.

Well, frankly, you need to get up the nerve to do so. For the sake of whoever your brother marries and for the sake of whoever you marry, you need to do this. You are making excuses for yourself, your brother, and your mother. I certainly don't want you to end up in an abusive relationship nor do I want your brother to be abusing anyone anymore.

Instead of a friend, it might be easier to talk to a neutral party such as a counselor at school or church. I'm glad you're on here at least, and I will pray for you, but your situation requires more than an internet message board can provide I'm afraid.

JesusFrEaK0077 · 01-18-2007, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by exo

Well, frankly, you need to get up the nerve to do so. For the sake of whoever your brother marries and for the sake of whoever you marry, you need to do this. You are making excuses for yourself, your brother, and your mother. I certainly don't want you to end up in an abusive relationship nor do I want your brother to be abusing anyone anymore.

Instead of a friend, it might be easier to talk to a neutral party such as a counselor at school or church. I'm glad you're on here at least, and I will pray for you, but your situation requires more than an internet message board can provide I'm afraid.

I know I need to tell someone. I'm talking to my mom on IM and I'm thinking if I can like lead into it. But I'm going to tell her today. I'll say when I do. But for now I'm just thinking about it.
This is probably not going to help with just a message board and I realize that but I was very undecided on what to do with this.
But like I said I've seen turnouts of people in an abusie relationship and I've heard the stories from my mom. I don't want that to happen but that won't happen because I'm not going to let it! There's things in my brother's life that happen and I don't want to know. But I just don't want him to take it out on me... He's in a lot better mood today so I'm going to try to talk to him and tell him. I'm going to do anything I can to stop this.