[Job 19:25-27]

Hey guys. I've got problems. (who doesn't, right? ) Ummm... yeah, okay, I have this guy in my life, & we're talking about getting married.
I love him like crazy, & would marry him, but I don't feel good about the strength of his relationship with God.
I've talked to him a little about it, but I really don't want him to change just for me & I don't want him to feel like I'm trying to change who he is either.
I'm thinking about telling him I need to take a two month brake from our relationship so that we can think about things on our own for a bit & see how we're doing when we've had time to pray & think things through...
Help?
~Nobody

[Job 19:25-27]

I really love him alot. He IS a Christian. I'm just not sure of his spiritual leadership abilities.
I want to be married to a man who is burning with passion for Christ. So I've been praying for him alot. That he would be a man after God's own heart & that he would see how much we need to be more than luke-warm Christians or pew warmers.
~Nobody

[Tracy]

What is it that causes you to doubt the strength of his relationship with God?
Edit: Go me, slow posting. Will edit again with a more sensible response when I think of one.

[Job 19:25-27]

Umm... maybe "the strength" isn't the right way to put it. I guess I want to see him encouraging me in my relationship with God more than he does, he really doesn't talk about God to much. & I know that that doesn't necessarily mean he isn't close with God, but I want him to be in love with God more than he is with me, & he talks about me, but doesn't talk much about God. Does that make sense?
This is really hard to explain, because yeah, I talk more about him to people than I do about God too. Am I just being hyppocritical?
~Nobody

[Job 19:25-27]

I have to get off of here for now, but please respond. I really need help. This is driving me crazy, b/c the thought of not talking to him for a couple of months is very distressing.

[Kiss the Son]

I recently talked with a friend about something like this. She and her boyfriend were in a pretty serious relationship but the fact that her boyfriend didn't take on role of leading the relationship really started wearing on her. If you need a man who is going to lead you, I think you need to see just how well he's fulfilling that role now.

I always made it a point in my relationships to make sure I was always encouraging, always leading, always trying to set an example, while at the same time looking to my significant other as an example for myself as well. I suppose that's what marriage is all about, huh? Using your gifts to serve your spouse and allowing and encouraging your spouse's gifts to come out so that they may use them for what God has intended.

Or maybe I'm just blowing wind, I wouldn't know. I'm not married.

Anyway, my own opinion would be to NOT take a two-month-long break if this is your only reason for doing so. Sure, take some time to think and pray about the while situation by yourself, but I think you may need to talk to him about it, too, and make sure he knows how you feel. Give him time to think about what you've said to him and how you feel, and allow him time to respond to those things. Have you actually talked to him about how you feel in terms of his leadership and/or spirituality?

[spillxyourxguts]

Originally Posted by Job 19:25-27

Hey guys. I've got problems. (who doesn't, right? ) Ummm... yeah, okay, I have this guy in my life, & we're talking about getting married.
I love him like crazy, & would marry him, but I don't feel good about the strength of his relationship with God.
I've talked to him a little about it, but I really don't want him to change just for me & I don't want him to feel like I'm trying to change who he is either.
I'm thinking about telling him I need to take a two month brake from our relationship so that we can think about things on our own for a bit & see how we're doing when we've had time to pray & think things through...
Help?
~Nobody

That's really no reason to take a break from the relationship.
You should like the guy for who he is. If you dont like his religion and its THAT big a deal then sure take a break. It's pointless though. Religion should NOT stand in the way of love and a relationship.

[H.M. Murdock]

Originally Posted by spillxyourxguts

Religion should NOT stand in the way of love and a relationship.

Red. Flag.

If religion < love...
What is the standard for love?
What is the standard for acting on love?
Where do we get concepts of how to approach love?

Bottom line: If a guy professes to being a Christian, and intends to be married, then religion cannot be a small thing to him. I find that if a person professes to be a Christian, yet puts "religion" on the back seat, a large portion of their general existence has lost meaning either through being mindless speculation or through being a downright complex of lies.

[bobthecockroach]

How good of an example are you?

[Tracy]

I would avoid being too quick to judge him based on that alone. I've been friends with plenty of dedicated Christians and been in a fairly serious relationship with one, and while our shared faith was an important part of the context of our friendship, we didn't necessarily discuss it all of the time.

Assuming you are close enough and have known one another long enough - I imagine you must be if you've discussed marriage, but you never know - I would suggest bringing it up. Not in an accusatory sense, maybe just something along the lines of "I would really appreciate it if... xyz." Then see where it goes from there.

I am not sure what to think of the idea of a break. In my experience, I've usually seen it used just as a "break-up lite", a way of holding on to the security of a relationship. But even if not, I would suggest that you act on that only if you personally need it. You can't change him; if there are changes he needs to make in his life, he is going to have to decide that for himself. If you are truly convinced that he is not marriage material for this reason and that he has no intention of changing (I am afraid I completely cannot help you there), then perhaps you need to reevaluate whether you should be in this relationship.

By the way, just a friendly note: around here, it is better to edit an existing post rather than post more than once in a row.

[passinthru]

Why take a break? Instead of running away from him and this, why don't you find ways to encourage him? You aren't born knowing how to be a leader. there are many different reasons why people might not be vocal about their faith. Instead of harping at him to change and be the leader you need him to be, try sharing with him little things that would help you - and when he does them, be vocal and let him know that you noticed it and appreciate it.

There are a lot of reasons why guys don't take the leadership role, from how they were raised,to cultural values, to not wanting to be controling, to not knowing how to lead, to being insecure in themselves....it's generally not one reason either.

You can stand by him and encourage him. You can as he's ready listen as he talks about why he is the way he is. Guys can grow and change in this. I know, because I saw my boyfriend do it. It took time, it took a lot of talking and tears and working things through together. It took communication. A lot of on going communication.

[SilverNitrate]

Originally Posted by spillxyourxguts

Religion should NOT stand in the way of love and a relationship.

So... what if:
Guy strongly believes in baptizing his future babies. Girl strongly believes that infant baptism is from Satan. Guy and Girl get married and have kids. You don't see this causing a massive problem in the relationship?

This works with many more situations other than the appropriate time for baptism. Any major difference in beliefs can (and most likely will) cause massive problems in a relationship in the future.

Do you not see the wisdom in marrying someone with extremely similar beliefs?

I know that I couldn't marry a woman if she and I had completely different views on religious issues. That's just a giant mess waiting to happen.

[MtlMom]

Relationships require work, and if you would like to spend the rest of your life with this man, now is a good time to make the decision to work through problems rather than running away from them. Have you considered talking with a Christian pre-marriage counselor?

[wjarmusch]

Originally Posted by passinthru

Why take a break? Instead of running away from him and this, why don't you find ways to encourage him? You aren't born knowing how to be a leader. there are many different reasons why people might not be vocal about their faith. Instead of harping at him to change and be the leader you need him to be, try sharing with him little things that would help you - and when he does them, be vocal and let him know that you noticed it and appreciate it.

There are a lot of reasons why guys don't take the leadership role, from how they were raised,to cultural values, to not wanting to be controling, to not knowing how to lead, to being insecure in themselves....it's generally not one reason either.

You can stand by him and encourage him. You can as he's ready listen as he talks about why he is the way he is. Guys can grow and change in this. I know, because I saw my boyfriend do it. It took time, it took a lot of talking and tears and working things through together. It took communication. A lot of on going communication.

Ditto...I don't think 'taking a break' is the answer here.
As a guy, I know having someone that close tell me "we need to take a break so you can get closer to God" would just crush me. I think it would do more harm then good.

BUT, that's not to say that 'Religion should NOT stand in the way of love and a relationship.' Your personal relationship's with Christ are probably the most important part of your relationship as a couple. Don't marry someone if you doubt their commitment to Christ.

[Nate]

EDIT: Meh. I don't know what to say.