The Father's Blessing?

passinthru · 01-12-2007, 08:26 PM

Okay, another thread in here made me start thinking about this again and rather than hi-jack it, I figured I'd start it seperately.

Where does the idea of having the father's blessing on your marriage come from? Is it Biblical or just Christian tradition? Where does the whole idea of being given away in marriage come from?

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 01-13-2007, 01:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by passinthru

Okay, another thread in here made me start thinking about this again and rather than hi-jack it, I figured I'd start it seperately.

Where does the idea of having the father's blessing on your marriage come from? Is it Biblical or just Christian tradition? Where does the whole idea of being given away in marriage come from?

My best guess would be Aramean tradition, as there appears to be that evidenced in the story of Rebekah, but its just tradition.

OctaviusIII · 01-15-2007, 02:14 PM

My guess is that it just comes from patriarchal traditions, where the father with give the bride away and have a hand in choosing who she would marry.

passinthru · 01-15-2007, 05:12 PM

So then there is no Biblical commandment or precedent to say that this is what has to happen??

A Christian can marry without her father's okay?

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 01-15-2007, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by passinthru

So then there is no Biblical commandment or precedent to say that this is what has to happen??

A Christian can marry without her father's okay?

I cannot find a precedent for anybody saying otherwise from scripture.

OctaviusIII · 01-15-2007, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by passinthru

So then there is no Biblical commandment or precedent to say that this is what has to happen??

A Christian can marry without her father's okay?

As a hard and fast rule, it is most certainly absolutely fine. BUT! Don't forget wisdom. To take a verse out of context, All things are permissable, but not all things are beneficial.

One should honor one's parents to the greatest extent possible without enabling destructive behavior they may have towards you. If your dad really wants to meet a guy, or really doesn't think he's good for you, talk it through with him. He may have some insight that a lovesick mind may not be able to create itself.

passinthru · 01-15-2007, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OctaviusIII

One should honor one's parents to the greatest extent possible without enabling destructive behavior they may have towards you. If your dad really wants to meet a guy, or really doesn't think he's good for you, talk it through with him. He may have some insight that a lovesick mind may not be able to create itself.

Actually my dad refused to meet him, and promised me that if I married this guy that he would never speak to me again. My father and I do not have a relationship at this point in time. His issue from what he told me months ago is not my boyfriend, but me. The irony is that my Dad did end up meeting him briefly and at least it was civil.

My b/f has met with my pastor and I have his support in this relationship.

It's just as we talk more and more about the potential of marriage, I'm having to call into question many of the traditions that are held in society and the world around me.

I could go into all the background of what I was raised with in terms of parental expectations for my relationships with members of the opposite sex, but that doesn't seem relevant to this discussion. It is however where my initial question comes from.

OctaviusIII · 01-15-2007, 07:46 PM

Well, if you feel he's being entirely unrealistic, then you need to figure out how you can honor your father without letting him hurt you or himself.

Anyway, good luck - you've got quite the quandry to navigate.

crazychu · 01-17-2007, 11:40 PM

he can always say "if you do this, you're dishonoring me" which breaks the commandment

passinthru · 01-17-2007, 11:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazychu

he can always say "if you do this, you're dishonoring me" which breaks the commandment

The commandment to Honour your parents?

Honour - high respect, as for worth, merit, or rank: to be held in honor.

I can respect him and not obey him. I can also not agree with him.

OctaviusIII · 01-18-2007, 01:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazychu

he can always say "if you do this, you're dishonoring me" which breaks the commandment

I disagree with that logic. Simply declaring that you are doing X to someone doesn't make it true that they are. If I date someone and I say that she's cheating on me by being in a work group with a guy, that doesn't mean she is: it just means I'm being jealous.

If the father declares she's not honoring him, that just means he feels that way; it has very little bearing whether she actually is or not.

JaytheK · 01-18-2007, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazychu

he can always say "if you do this, you're dishonoring me" which breaks the commandment

Obviously you have not lived with a parent who takes that little saying and mis-uses it for everything, making it impossible for someone to disagree with them and still be "respectful."

Grasshopper359 · 01-18-2007, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by passinthru

Okay, another thread in here made me start thinking about this again and rather than hi-jack it, I figured I'd start it seperately.

Where does the idea of having the father's blessing on your marriage come from? Is it Biblical or just Christian tradition? Where does the whole idea of being given away in marriage come from?

Katie, if your dad's bent on being obtuse, then the problem is on his end, and there' nothing you can do about that. Honouring your father doesn't entail accepting his bad attitude when you're 20-something years old. In this case, if he wants to break off all ties with you, you can do your best to keep a link open, and demonstrate Christ's love to him, but you can't change his attitude. Honouring him, in this case, I think would simply mean that you don't reciprocate his bad attitude.

passinthru · 01-31-2007, 01:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grasshopper359

Katie, if your dad's bent on being obtuse, then the problem is on his end, and there' nothing you can do about that. Honouring your father doesn't entail accepting his bad attitude when you're 20-something years old.

Kyle, thanks. I'm doing better with that aspect of things over the past couple months.

Quote:

In this case, if he wants to break off all ties with you, you can do your best to keep a link open, and demonstrate Christ's love to him, but you can't change his attitude. Honouring him, in this case, I think would simply mean that you don't reciprocate his bad attitude.

I'm having a hard time not reciprocating it. If that's how he's going to see it when we aren't sure about marriage though we're headed in that direction, then why should I stay in contact with him now? There's no real relationship and I only see him when he decides to show up at church.