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As I Rock Back and Forth

As I Rock Back and Forth

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Old 01-04-2007, 10:23 AM   #1
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As I Rock Back and Forth
Not all that long, but I like it.

As I Rock Back and Forth

Beneath a cover of diamonds
Under a velvet darkness
As I rock back and forth
Clenching broken oars
Holding onto a bit of hope
As I rock back and forth
Closing eyes heavy with burden
Shutting a heart laden with sorrow
As I rock back and forth
Reaching out for momentum
Clawing at cold liquid
As I rock back and forth
Screaming into undying black
Yelling across placid ocean
As I rock back and forth
Leaning back on splintered pine
Lying down into open coffin
As I rock back and forth

Last edited by Mr.Zachcore; 01-04-2007 at 06:53 PM.
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Old 01-04-2007, 04:54 PM   #2
He wipes away my tears =(
 
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Not all that bad. I like it
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Old 01-04-2007, 08:46 PM   #3
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Thanks. I'd like to hear any criticisms, good or bad.
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Old 01-04-2007, 08:56 PM   #4
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Nice, I like the way you repeat the refrain, and then take it through a gradual progression, making it darker and more desperate. Very good. And I like the imagery.
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