[3e3c3e]

Just wondering if anyone has read "Sheparding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp or has seen his videos? Just wondering what other sthought on his approach to parenting and discipline?



~3e3c3e

[nate95366]

I have not. Have you read this/seen the video?
If not, what have you heard?

Nate

[3e3c3e]

Our church held a mini conference and used the video's. It seemed very good - information was presented very well. Seemed like his theories on discipline where in line with scripture. However, I had not done any research on arguments against his view.

My wife and I where not against spanking - so we figured we could look into implementing his disciplining steps. Basically his steps are:
1.) Discribe to the child what they did wrong, or how they disobeyed
2.) Remind them of Eph. 6:1
3.) Give them one spanking
4.) Hug them and tell them that you love them
5.) If the child's heart does not seem right repeat steps 3 & 4 until it does.
6.) Pray with the child.

We where not crazy about step 5 - seemed more along the lines of "The spankings will continue until you behavior changes". Also we are hesitant of spanking since our boys seem to have very sensitive spirits. Even raising your voice seems to negatively effect them greatly.

After coming back from the class at church I began reading more online about Tedd Tripp's book and found many bad reviews of it. Several of the church's in out area have been teaching his material. Some just because he talks about spanking, but some have some very compelling reason (common theme was that it doesn't teach mercy and grace to children).

I've began reading his book early this week, so I'm hoping to get a better understanding of his view. It comes very highly recommended from out Pastor - but so far I just don't see it working.


~3e3c3e

[BillSPrestonEsq]

I would be innately concerned about point 5. My mom used to "spank us till our attitude changed". All I got was repentance before the blows, but after repeated blows, it was impossible to change into the way she wanted. When penitence was there, it was not seen, and the repeated blows only served to give me and my elder brother crazy pain tolerances. (My mom went to the extreme of drawing blood routinely, welts pretty much every time, and on one occasion, a broken wrist)


My concern is that it is the same basic premise she used, (minus step 4) because it sounds like exactly what she would say before we would get beat for who knows how many times. At one occasion, I recall over a hundred blows for an offense my little brother did which I got blamed for. I was a sorry liar, and my fake apology wasn't good enough.

However, man only looks on the outward appearance, and a grimace from pain does not look too penitent. Furthermore, parents can truly be pissed off, which colors what they see, to where they will never see repentance.

Now realize I am not a parent yet, but some of the horrors of my childhood seem too akin to that.

personally, because of that background, I want my kids to have set punishments that are not so subject to capriciousness.

My caution is that pain does not bring about repentance. All it can do is bring about acting.

[Mara's Mom]

I have read the book, but not seen the videos. I actually taught a class using his book. I am thinking that #5 is being misunderstood. I don't remember anything that extreme. He does advocate spanking and that is unpopular with a lot of people. Unfortunately, I think it's similar to topics like submission. It's emotionally charged and people tend to fall on one side of the extreme or the other. Doesn't mean it can't be implemented wisely and graciously and with great results.

A book to add to SACH would be Families Where Grace Is In Place. Anyone struggling with anger when they discipline or struggling to want to control their child should look into Mark Hamby's teaching tapes found at the website of his publishing company, Lamplighter Books. Phenomenal teaching. His story is amazing. Actually, every parent should listen to them whether they think they struggle with those things or not.

It's important to remember that no parenting book is infallible or comprehensive. I have read a LOT of parenting books and have not read a single one that could cover the subject as a stand-alone. Each parent has their own strengths and weaknesses to deal with in their parenting and we bring those to every book we read. It's important to examine those in yourself and know where you're starting. For instance, a controlling person may read Ezzo and be too affirmed in their wrong thinking. On the other hand, a permissive parent may read Ezzo and be so turned off that they aren't teachable. As much as people rail against him, he has some solid teaching. You just have to sift a bit. (Ezzo is the Growing Kids God's Way author. He's a good example because people tend to either love him or hate him.)

Every single book we read should be approached with a desire for Godly discernment and wisdom, asking God to reveal only those things that would be beneficial and edifying for your family.

I don't think it's ever wise to jump on any bandwagon of any sort. Don't take everything an author says as gospel, no matter how highly recommended they may come. At the same time, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Many wonderful truths are missed because of this. One of the most powerful books on womanhood that I've ever read was written by a Mormon. There were definitely some doctrinal errors, but that's okay. It just makes it that much more important that we know our God so that we can discern between truth and error. He should be the Author of our parenting, not Tripp or Ezzo or Hamby.

[3e3c3e]

Thanks Mara's Mom for the input.

That was why I was hoping to get to finish his book over Christmas. I will have to look at getting "Families Where Grace Is In Place" as well.

I agree as well with you last statement. I've been trying to not complete dismiss what Tedd Tripp was teaching. Several of the other things he was teaching seemed to be very informative and helpful for me.


I to was raised in a similar home, Bill and I guess that is where my reluctance to that teaching. I had very negative feelings towards it, but I have to agree with Mara's Mom that is all comes down to the angry in the parent during the discipline. I praise the Lord that he gave me a patient heart with the boys.


~3e3c3e