[wjarmusch]

This is stemming from the Dating/Courting thread.
I'm 17.....is that too young to start considering getting married?
If it's not, how young is too young?
I think I know many of the answers I will get...but let's discuss it. Why or why not?

BSPE said: Also for a 17 year old, courting and dating are a bad idea. Period. The maturity level is one where heartache will result. Perhaps more so from the marital premature focus of courting.

jael>rock< said:a lot of people have been commenting on the fact that wjarmusch and i are both only 17 and that's too early to have a relationship. i would have to agree with you. and while this is a discussion that needs to be in a new thread, i have to say that, yes, especially in a situation like courtship, you should not enter into the relationship until you are ready for marriage. not because you're going to marry right away. but i don't think that you should do anything that might lead up to marriage until you are ready for marriage.

[Jaymze13]

I didn't get married till I was 26. My wife was 23. Do I wish I had been married younger? At least a little. I would've like it if I had been 23 and she had been 20 or 21.

Personally, I think 17 is too young to get married. But, if I'm correct, you said "considering", right? That being the case, maybe you could start a long courtship or such.

We had a couple at church recently get married. Everybody thought they were too young. I think they're both 19. She had to transfer from the college she was at and start going to the same school at her new husband (who is on scholarship). They both live out of state right now. I see the guys mother now and then and I've asked about them. She says they're both doing OK still.

I remember the preacher even bringing that fact up during the ceremony. He publicly said that a lot of people were questioning the young couple as to wether they were doing the right thing or not. He said he felt as long as they were trusting in God that they were doing the right thing and kept seeking Him, they would be OK.

[passinthru]

In my opinion yes 17 is too young. Granted in many years past people did get married very young. However in today's society I don't think that children are raised in a way that would allow them to succeed in a marriage. They are raised to be dependent on their parents or teachers. They aren't raised to be responsible or to think for themselves.

Based on today's Western culture, I would suggest that considering marriage before the age of 19 is foolhardy at best. I don't think that anyone still in high school is ready to be married.

[Jaymze13]

Originally Posted by passinthru

I don't think that anyone still in high school is ready to be married.

I've yet to get the full story, but a young lady I know recently go married. She's still (or at least was) in high school and is only 17. All I know is that this fact was hidden from her (step) father when he returned from a business trip by her mother.

I don't know if she just made a rash decision or if......she had to get married.

[passinthru]

Originally Posted by Jaymze13

I've yet to get the full story, but a young lady I know recently go married. She's still (or at least was) in high school and is only 17. All I know is that this fact was hidden from her (step) father when he returned from a business trip by her mother.

I don't know if she just made a rash decision or if......she had to get married.

No one ever 'has' to get married. Sorry, I know that that isn't the 'good Christian' answer to pre-marital sex and/or pregnancy.

[jael>rock<]

Originally Posted by passinthru

In my opinion yes 17 is too young. Granted in many years past people did get married very young. However in today's society I don't think that children are raised in a way that would allow them to succeed in a marriage. They are raised to be dependent on their parents or teachers. They aren't raised to be responsible or to think for themselves.

Based on today's Western culture, I would suggest that considering marriage before the age of 19 is foolhardy at best. I don't think that anyone still in high school is ready to be married.

i agree. back in "the old days" boys and girls did marry earlier, but they were also trained earlier about how to run a household. i'm thinking about, kind of like the oregon trail time period. girls married young, but they knew how to cook and clean and everything by the time they were fourteen. and the same with men, they worked hard and earned a living by fifteen. the way kids are raised today we aren't ready to marry until later. plus i don't think it's a good idea to marry while your still in school. not just for your age, but just to get school done and out of the way. it's a little distracting to get married, doncha think? however on the other hand, my grandma and grandpa got married when they were seventeen and this year they are celebrating their 51th anniversary. so obviously it can work, but even my grandma says that she doesn't want us to get married that young. (although if she had it to do over again, she says she'd still get married then )

[ieatdirt]

Originally Posted by passinthru

No one ever 'has' to get married. Sorry, I know that that isn't the 'good Christian' answer to pre-marital sex and/or pregnancy.

My parents 'had' to get married. They were 19 and 16 at the time. They still have a perfectly good marriage. Granted, it probably wasn't the ideal thing, but circumstances allowed it to work. They say that even though it worked out for them, it's not really a good idea.

EDIT: My dad had a real paying job at 16, too.

[wjarmusch]

Originally Posted by jael>rock<

i agree. back in "the old days" boys and girls did marry earlier, but they were also trained earlier about how to run a household. i'm thinking about, kind of like the oregon trail time period. girls married young, but they knew how to cook and clean and everything by the time they were fourteen. and the same with men, they worked hard and earned a living by fifteen. the way kids are raised today we aren't ready to marry until later. plus i don't think it's a good idea to marry while your still in school. not just for your age, but just to get school done and out of the way. it's a little distracting to get married, doncha think? however on the other hand, my grandma and grandpa got married when they were seventeen and this year they are celebrating their 51th anniversary. so obviously it can work, but even my grandma says that she doesn't want us to get married that young. (although if she had it to do over again, she says she'd still get married then )

I don't have a long time this morning so I'll post more later.
I agree with most of the above. In most cases it isn't smart to be married that young. However it seems there just might be some exceptions.
I'm 17 and I'm graduating this year. I'll still be 17 when I graduate. Let's say the girl I'm considering marrying is the same. Being homeschooled with multiple siblings she has learned how to keep a household at a young age. Let's say I had a stable job that would support a family. Then would it be ok?

In my real case I'm graduating @ 17, however I'll be going to get a 2 yr. degree at the local college so I'll probably be at least 19 before I get into the marriage scene. That, and there isn't a "significant other" yet that we have been talking about marriage, so I'll wait. This thread really wasn't asking for advice on my part, it was more to debate the question.

[Lightknight]

I'd have to say that it depends 100% on the individual. I mean, I know quite a few people who are celebrating their 50th anniversary this year (kind of funny that there'd be so many this year. The vast majority of them got married under 18 years old. Though keep in mind, I'm only talking about 7 couples (14 people).

Nowadays it's like people mature mentally much later than they used to. I don't know why, perhaps due to coddling. But it really does seem like things wouldn't work out like they did 50 years ago. I have a friend who got married while we were in Highschool. I was a senior and he was a freshmen (15 or 16). Their marriage seems to have significantly improved the quality of their lives, but my friend was also a very strong Christian with an ardent Christian lifestyle. His entire family are people I have nothing but the most respect for. But I can't think of very many other people that'd I'd ever expect to be able to do that. Heck, my friend already had a decent paying job (which finally became an excellent paying job when he turned 17).

Personally, I'd say that in this society, highschool is generally too young. But I am not willing to say that no one would be ready for it at that age.

[J_freek]

My parents don't want me to date...and I can't court until I'm like....18. But they always encourage me to look at guys and see good/bad qualities and what to look for in a husband. That is considering marriage right? Well, I'm going to be 16 in a couple weeks (2 days after Christmas, to be exact), and I've thought about marriage for...as long as I can remember. I think it's okay to always be considering and thinking and praying.

[Sith of blades]

I guess it depends on what you mean by considering marriage.
If you mean like actually looking for a girl to marry, I would say 17 or 18 would be a good age to start opening up and considering some wemon/men.(Depending on ur gender)
But a lot of it depends on maturity level too. If your immature, then you might need to wait a little bit.

However, if you mean thinking about it. I think you can be fairly young. I think about getting married and I'm 14. I think that having consideration for the future is a wise choice. But, don't live your life in the future. Live day to day, don't spend your time so much in the future that you waist your teen years, or your childhood.

And i agree with what jaymze said too. If you with God, and following him. Then you can't really be in the wrong. Just make sure that it's him your following.

[jael>rock<]

well considering marriage i don't think they mean just thinking about it. i think that i've thought about when i get married and who i'm going to marry just about my whole life. i'm not sure if i can word this how i'm wanting to, but what i think considering marriage means is when you are actually in a relationship and looking towards marriage.

[P86andDHrock]

I am going to be getting into a relationship with a girl that I met at college this year. I have been waiting for her for the longest time. However I am not going to be dating her for another 2 years because that is God's will. We are both Christians. We have been praying about it. God has told us both to wait. I have been waiting for her and shes worth the wait. As for marriage, pray about it and let God tell you when the time is right because he will NEVER steer you wrong. Listen to the Holy Spirit and be patient because patience is a fruit of the spirit. That is my take on all this. God should be implimented in everything, even your relationships. If he is leading you nothing can go wrong.

[wjarmusch]

I wasn't really saying just "thinking about it"...I meant more of "here's someone I'm super good friends with...maybe we should talk and pray about getting married" either seriously dating or courtship or something of the like.
But I agree, most people would not be ready at that age...with a few exceptions.

[passinthru]

Originally Posted by wjarmusch

I don't have a long time this morning so I'll post more later.
I agree with most of the above. In most cases it isn't smart to be married that young. However it seems there just might be some exceptions.
I'm 17 and I'm graduating this year. I'll still be 17 when I graduate. Let's say the girl I'm considering marrying is the same. Being homeschooled with multiple siblings she has learned how to keep a household at a young age. Let's say I had a stable job that would support a family. Then would it be ok?

There is some maturity that ONLY comes with age through brain development. Experience is great, but the emotional maturity and the thinking skills and conflict resolution skills are things that while you can learn them younger and they are valuable really start to make sense and kick in once you are out of your teens.

Originally Posted by Lightknight

I'd have to say that it depends 100% on the individual. I mean, I know quite a few people who are celebrating their 50th anniversary this year (kind of funny that there'd be so many this year. The vast majority of them got married under 18 years old. Though keep in mind, I'm only talking about 7 couples (14 people).

Keep in mind though Gavin that if they are celebrating their 50th this year (2006) that means they were married in 1956, which was a different culture than what we have today. yes they have made it work, but in the late 50s life was very different in the Western world than it is now.

Nowadays it's like people mature mentally much later than they used to. I don't know why, perhaps due to coddling. But it really does seem like things wouldn't work out like they did 50 years ago. I have a friend who got married while we were in Highschool. I was a senior and he was a freshmen (15 or 16). Their marriage seems to have significantly improved the quality of their lives, but my friend was also a very strong Christian with an ardent Christian lifestyle. His entire family are people I have nothing but the most respect for. But I can't think of very many other people that'd I'd ever expect to be able to do that. Heck, my friend already had a decent paying job (which finally became an excellent paying job when he turned 17).

Personally, I'd say that in this society, highschool is generally too young. But I am not willing to say that no one would be ready for it at that age.

I don't see why someone would choose to marry as a teen. That's just my take on it though. I really don't understand how they could be ready for that kind of lifelong commitment. However, considering my teen years and childhood were hell on earth, maybe people who don't go through all the abuse that I did would be ready.

Originally Posted by J_freek

My parents don't want me to date...and I can't court until I'm like....18. But they always encourage me to look at guys and see good/bad qualities and what to look for in a husband. That is considering marriage right? Well, I'm going to be 16 in a couple weeks (2 days after Christmas, to be exact), and I've thought about marriage for...as long as I can remember. I think it's okay to always be considering and thinking and praying.

Wow. Your parents are encouraging you to check out guys. You should swing by the Dating/Courting thread and fill us in on what you define courtship as.

Originally Posted by Sith of blades

I guess it depends on what you mean by considering marriage.
If you mean like actually looking for a girl to marry, I would say 17 or 18 would be a good age to start opening up and considering some wemon/men.(Depending on ur gender)
But a lot of it depends on maturity level too. If your immature, then you might need to wait a little bit.

However, if you mean thinking about it. I think you can be fairly young. I think about getting married and I'm 14. I think that having consideration for the future is a wise choice. But, don't live your life in the future. Live day to day, don't spend your time so much in the future that you waist your teen years, or your childhood.

And i agree with what jaymze said too. If you with God, and following him. Then you can't really be in the wrong. Just make sure that it's him your following.

Where in Scripture does it say that if you follow God you can't be wrong?

Originally Posted by jael>rock<

well considering marriage i don't think they mean just thinking about it. i think that i've thought about when i get married and who i'm going to marry just about my whole life. i'm not sure if i can word this how i'm wanting to, but what i think considering marriage means is when you are actually in a relationship and looking towards marriage.

I really must have been an abnormal child/teen. I never dreamed about who I would marry or about being married as a child. I dated some as a teen, but nothing 'serious'. By the time I was 14, I had already informed people that I wasn't going to get married ever and that I would never have children.

Now I'm in a very serious relationship with the possibility of marriage and children. I didn't start to really change my mind though until I was 21.

Originally Posted by P86andDHrock

I am going to be getting into a relationship with a girl that I met at college this year. I have been waiting for her for the longest time. However I am not going to be dating her for another 2 years because that is God's will. We are both Christians. We have been praying about it. God has told us both to wait. I have been waiting for her and shes worth the wait. As for marriage, pray about it and let God tell you when the time is right because he will NEVER steer you wrong. Listen to the Holy Spirit and be patient because patience is a fruit of the spirit. That is my take on all this. God should be implimented in everything, even your relationships. If he is leading you nothing can go wrong.

Again, what's with this "if God is leading you nothing can go wrong?" mentality? What about sin, not necessarily yours because of course you are following after God and don't sin but those who aren't as far along as you are and still happen to slip up and sin? What happens when the consequences of their sin and actions affect you and things go wrong because of that?