How young is too young to consider marriage?

ieatdirt · 12-10-2006, 08:54 PM

You can be completely following God, and still make the wrong decision. It's not necessarily a sin issue.

passinthru · 12-10-2006, 08:58 PM

Sorry, I just pulled that as one example. I'm with you on this on Eric.

**Rainer.** · 12-10-2006, 11:24 PM

I've considered my marriage options many times over the past years. Each time, it was a resounding: "You're not freaking ready, you idiot!"

For a 17 year old, that's probably the most likely answer, but if you're honestly ready to start life independently plus one person (and chances are even more over the next decade or so), then it's not a bad idea, though odds are, you're not.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 12-11-2006, 12:12 AM

I grew up pretty fast. But even so at 18, I was not ready for marriage, and by that time I had done many things. I think until you have lived on your own, faced life with sink or swim issues, etc. You are not ready. I got married at 24. But the thing is, we all thought we were far before we really were. If you think you are ready, you are not ready.

the flamingo · 12-11-2006, 12:40 AM

I've been thinking about stuff like this recently -- about the constant struggle between young and old, advice, etc. Mostly because I've had more people tell me that I'm a baby in the past few months than I ever got when I was a teenager, and I just turned 21.

I think being ready for marriage is like being ready for a baby -- you never really are, which makes it hard to know when you are as ready as you ever will be. However, the likelihood that a 17 year old could successfully get married and support themselves is extremely low. This largely correlates with our culture. 17 is just not grown up enough.

When you are 17 though, you think you know everything about life and love. But the thing is, you could say the same about any age, and that doesn't necessarily mean it's true, even if you're 40, 50, 60, etc. BUT, the truth remains: at 17, you are still developing who you are and I guarantee that by the time you are 21 you would have changed a great deal, more than you ever thought possible. And though you may even be more a more mature 17 year old, that doesn't necessarily make you ready for marriage. It is not something to be taken lightly!

I didn't start dating until I was 18, and though I pined about it all through high school, I am actually very thankful now, because I have a wonderful boyfriend (that I met here on CGR believe it or not!) and I am glad that he will be my one and only boyfriend

So, in summary: 17 is too young! If you are in a seriously relationship already, then you should see if it lasts through college first. Chances are you may change and grow apart, maybe God has someone else out there for you. Don't be in a rush!

ieatdirt · 12-11-2006, 05:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by passinthru

Sorry, I just pulled that as one example. I'm with you on this on Eric.

Actually, I didn't read too much into your post, but I think I was agreeing with you.

Lightknight · 12-11-2006, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by passinthru

Keep in mind though Gavin that if they are celebrating their 50th this year (2006) that means they were married in 1956, which was a different culture than what we have today. yes they have made it work, but in the late 50s life was very different in the Western world than it is now.

Yes, which is why the next paragraph I said started out with:

Nowadays it's like people mature mentally much later than they used to. I don't know why, perhaps due to coddling. But it really does seem like things wouldn't work out like they did 50 years ago.

I agree with you. However, remember that if it worked successfully back then it means that people are "capable" of making relationships work now from the same early age. However, like I said, things are so very different now, it just isn't probably that they'd be willing to work for it as much as the people back then did.

Quote:

I don't see why someone would choose to marry as a teen. That's just my take on it though. I really don't understand how they could be ready for that kind of lifelong commitment. However, considering my teen years and childhood were hell on earth, maybe people who don't go through all the abuse that I did would be ready.

Like I said, my friend really does have an amazing family and they are true Christians in every sense of the word. I mean, I really can't think of many people who would be able to make that sort of commitment that early in life. I think back to my highschool days (not that far away) and know that even though I was mature for my age, there's no way in heck that I'd have been responsible enough to make that choice. Let alone be financially stable enough to support someone (my parents unfortunately prevented me from getting a job until after I graduated, I have found that to be significantly hindering to me in a lot of ways). But there are some people who are just ready at that age. His family wasn't exactly wealthy (quite the opposite really), so he had to get a job and he had many different responsibilities that I supposed forced him into maturity so much earlier. He was just ready and they're doing great right now. In fact, I hope to see them sometime soon.

J_freek · 12-11-2006, 05:02 PM

Okay, so maybe I worded that wrong.

My parents are wanting me look for values in a guy. What not to have and what to have when I marry someone.

I have no current desire to go into the Courtship/Dating, but my parents view (as well as I understand, as we don't really discuss it alot) is that I spent no time alone with a guy until marriage. Just spend time with each other's family, or have a chaperoned outing.

kater · 12-11-2006, 06:05 PM

i didnt read every one elses post but i would say you should start praying and thinking about what you want in your future spouse right now no matter how old you are........

ieatdirt · 12-11-2006, 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_freek

Okay, so maybe I worded that wrong.

My parents are wanting me look for values in a guy. What not to have and what to have when I marry someone.

I have no current desire to go into the Courtship/Dating, but my parents view (as well as I understand, as we don't really discuss it alot) is that I spent no time alone with a guy until marriage. Just spend time with each other's family, or have a chaperoned outing.

It's probably not a good idea to spend no time alone with someone before marrying them. Of course, alone isn't necessarily unsupervised.

wjarmusch · 12-11-2006, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ieatdirt

It's probably not a good idea to spend no time alone with someone before marrying them. Of course, alone isn't necessarily unsupervised.

Ya, we've been having that discussion in the other thread for quite a while.
J_Freek, I know what you're saying your parents are suggesting you to do. Makes sense to me.

So in summary most people believe that 17 is too young to get married.
I probably agree, but for me around 18 it seems like you could be getting close to seriously thinking about it.

J_freek · 12-11-2006, 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ieatdirt

It's probably not a good idea to spend no time alone with someone before marrying them. Of course, alone isn't necessarily unsupervised.

Apparently, seeing how the guy (or girl) acts around other people is essential, as that's how end up treating you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wjarmusch

Ya, we've been having that discussion in the other thread for quite a while.
J_Freek, I know what you're saying your parents are suggesting you to do. Makes sense to me.

So in summary most people believe that 17 is too young to get married.
I probably agree, but for me around 18 it seems like you could be getting close to seriously thinking about it.

My uncle (jfreek4life) is 19, and he's going to propose to his girlfriend. Though they aren't planning on getting married for several years.

**Rainer.** · 12-11-2006, 07:42 PM

Quote:

I have a wonderful boyfriend (that I met here on CGR believe it or not!)

After Rachel and Art's wedding... I think I can believe that.

passinthru · 12-11-2006, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ieatdirt

It's probably not a good idea to spend no time alone with someone before marrying them. Of course, alone isn't necessarily unsupervised.

If you are still young enough to need to be supervised/babysat are you really ready for a serious relationship?

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_freek

Apparently, seeing how the guy (or girl) acts around other people is essential, as that's how end up treating you.

I've heard that before. One of those how he treats his mother and sisters is how he'll treat you. I don't see evidence to support that claim.

Quote:

My uncle (jfreek4life) is 19, and he's going to propose to his girlfriend. Though they aren't planning on getting married for several years.

Why get engaged now and then wait years to marry?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rainer.

After Rachel and Art's wedding... I think I can believe that.

My b/f and I also met through CGR. There are a couple of us CGR couples kicking around.

J_freek · 12-11-2006, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by passinthru

If you are still young enough to need to be supervised/babysat are you really ready for a serious relationship?

I went to a church that believed that. No matter how old.
But here's something. Just because you aren't "mature" enough to handle things on you own, how do you know that you can keep yourself in line?
I mean, I really question myself and worry too.
There was this guy, and after only seeing him for several minutes, he wanted to have sex with me, I mean, I was scared, and frightened. But I kinda liked the attention. We were with a group, and my uncle (same one who's getting married) was there and wouldn't let me leave with him.

And...though I was freeked out, I loved the attention. Which makes me worry. If I let him play with my hair and stuff, after only seeing him for less than an hour the first time, what would I do with someone I know?

Quote:

I've heard that before. One of those how he treats his mother and sisters is how he'll treat you. I don't see evidence to support that claim.

It is true though. If he treats them harsh, how will he get one day with you?