[J_freek]

~Chorus~
Please don't tell me I don't know
What it's like not to hurt
I've hurt more than you ever will
I know that you can't just brush it aside and keep on going
I know, that it takes courage, it takes time, it takes faith,
it takes patience, it takes healing
to get back on your feet.

~Verse 1~
And I know that some people say
"It's in the past, so forget about it."
I also know that their still hurting deep down inside
Some people like reliving the hurt.
But I'm not like that,
I need to face my problem.

~Verse 2~
You face your problem
I know it takes courage, it takes time, it takes faith, it takes patience, it take healing
so face your hurt, grip your pain
Before it grips tighter and tighter, choking you to death
I know what it's like when someone let's you down.

~Ending thing~
I can help, I know of One that takes away hurt,
You can be healed.

---

It's not very good, and needs alot of improvement, but I just sat down and wrote it without paying much attention.

[Small]

It's tough to appropriately RC a song like this one--the rhythm isn't continuous from stanza to stanza, and there aren't many rhymes, if any at all.

Still, I suppose a few style points can be eked out.

Originally Posted by J_freek

Please don't tell me I don't know
What it's like not to hurt
I've hurt more than you ever will
I know that you can't just brush it aside and keep on going
I know, that it takes courage, it takes time, it takes faith,
it takes patience, it takes healing
to get back on your feet.

The first three lines make no sense. If you've hurt more deeply than 'you' ever will, it is a completely accurate statement to say that you don't know what it is not to hurt. I get the feeling that "not" slipped in by accident.

And I know that some people say
"It's in the past, so forget about it."
I also know that their still hurting deep down inside
Some people like reliving the hurt.
But I'm not like that,
I need to face my problem.

I'm having a hard time reading this as a song. It feels precisely like prose broken into lines. The repetition of "some people" could use some alteration. For one thing, it's ambiguous on whether or not it's the same people who are reliving the hurt who are saying that it's all in the past and you should forget about it. Some clarification there would be helpful.

You face your problem
I know it takes courage, it takes time, it takes faith, it takes patience, it take healing
so face your hurt, grip your pain
Before it grips tighter and tighter, choking you to death
I know what it's like when someone let's you down.

Some sort of transitional word or phrase would be good here, such as "So you face your problem' or simply "Face your problem." The current opening does nothing for me. It's simply a statement of a fact, a fact that doesn't line up entirely with the rest of the song.

"Grip your pain" and 'before it grips tighter and tighter..." could be a neat turn of phrase if you cleaned it up a little bit, with something as simple as stating what it is the pain is gripping.

The final line is completely incongruous here. There are places in this song it would fit much better than it does here. As it stands, it's simply a sudden change of subject.

I can help, I know of One that takes away hurt,
You can be healed.

Very cliched. The first line is also extremely awkward.

It's not very good, and needs alot of improvement, but I just sat down and wrote it without paying much attention.

I don't mean to be unduly harsh, but your interests as a songwriter are probably best served by cleaning this one up slightly, for the sake of practice, and then discarding it and starting over. You have one or two interesting ideas that you could transfer to a completely different setting fairly easily.

In fact, it might be worthwhile to pick out your favorite four lines, or even two lines from this song, and to re-write the song based around those four lines.

Two problems I have with this song are that it's cliche, which doesn't make it bad--some cliched songs are excellent--but makes it slightly less interesting, and it's too articulately expository. You spend most of the time simply dropping every nuance of your meaning into the listener's lap, which isn't always bad, but you don't cloak it in rhyme, so you're stuck singing straightforward prose.

Do keep writing, and do keep posting. Good songwriting involves lots of practice, and some tips and critiques along the way.