[Sith of blades]

This poem hasn't really been read by anyone, It's just sat in my compute for a while. It's quite a bit different from the other one I have posted on here.

I think it's good, and I'm fairly proud of it, now that I read it again. Tell me what you think:

A gold sun sets over red washed sky,
A beautiful majesty,
A work of art to the mortal eye,
A timeless comparison,
To your silk clad beauty,

With love so pure,
It wilts the rose,
Like light through darkness,
Your radiance shows,

Your peace so innocent,
Like a small child’s cry,
Like a young fawn,
So peaceful and shy,

Your eyes like the stars,
Glimmer grace in the dark,
Their deep, tender beauty,
An echo of the heart,

Your gentle voice,
Carried soft on the wind,
With the beauty of bird song,
That can sing no wrong,

Your heart song calls to me,
For you are the one I love dearly,
So let your beauty rest,
And I’ll thank God I am blessed.

[Ordinary Sarah]

I think it's excellent. I don't see anything I would recommend tweaking.

[beanbag]

I like it a lot. my suggestions are: perhaps change the punctuation a bit (you're a tad heavy on the commas), and I would write "heartsong" instead of "heart song."

otherwise, beautiful imagery. good job.

[Sith of blades]

hmm...okay, mainly just gramatrical stuff.

About the comma's, I guess thats just how I write. I put comma's at the end of each line, and no-one has ever said anything about it. If there is a better way to do it, or a more propper way, then I'm open to segjestions.

[adamkaboom]

w00t! i like it a lot! i can almost hear a melody in it... mm hmm... ohh yes! a Am, Dm, G, C progression would fit fantastically!!!! in case you wanted to know... i know it's not supposed to be a "song" but still...it's kinda fun to play with

[Sith of blades]

Some poems have back ground music to be recited to. And other poems can be converted to songs. So, I'll take note of that, thanks!

[Cruelty*free]

This poem has alot of "voice". I like it