[burningtr33]

For the past few months i seriously thought i was clincally bipolar. My moods flipped as much as a pancake house flips pancakes and i was easily irritated. And through out the past few months i felt miserable. I did anything i could do to make that ache in my soul to go away. I tried friends, games, and basically anything except god. Somedays itll work but on other days it just left a bigger hole in my heart.
As my summer came to an end i had to get ready for skool. At first adjusting to skool life helped me to sort of forget about this emptiness i created with my desires, wants, and doubts. But soon it caught up with me and the feeling that i felt during the summer returned again. All of this not only affected me but my family, friends and my skool work. I knew i had to do something but i didnt kno wat to do.
One fall evening at barnes and nobles i was talking with one of my closest friends. He told me that i should trust god and let go of everything. That stirred in me a mission, a challenge, something that i must do to feel better. However letting go of something you cant see is really hard to do. I struggled everyday and every so often i literally cried my eyes out to god asking him to take it all away. Than i just gave up crying to god because it seemed as if he didnt respond to my prayers. or so i thought.
Than one nite a song came up on my computer and one of the lines it said "but ill just have to accept that my mind is so inept and the only things thats left for me to do is to trust you". Rite after i heard that i cried. I cried out to god and the months of ache and misery came out in tears. And that nite i realized that gods not gonna take it all away if i still held on to my dreams, desires, wants, and doubts; he wants me to give it all up. He wants me to say here you go and take it. I gave up EVERYTHING to god. B/c in the past i only gave him my future, but like the old hymn says "love so amazing so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all" and that nite i gave god my soul, my life, my all. I gave god all my dreams, my desires, my wants, no matter how insignificant it seemed to me cuz i kno that if i dont give god my ALL, it that one thing may be a foothold for me to start losing trust in god.
Although my life is pretty chaotic and hectic rite now, I feel this peace that surpasses all my knowledge and understanding. Through those 5 months of trying to figure life out on my own i realize now was such a waste of time and i could have avoided the heartaches. As the verse in proverbs goes "trust in the lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight" its true. Dont try to live life trying to understand everything b.c we cant. Our understanding is so limited to wat we see and hear. And trusting and acknowledging god in all our ways definitely will make all your paths straight.

[DaGeek]

Amen, amen, amen! Thank you very much for posting that . It's a good reminder to me that God desires for us to give our all.