[Visirale]

So I broke up with my first girlfriend of 8 months in May. Things were ok, but I just wanted to date around a little bit and see what else was out there. My friends were pressuring me to get out of the relationship because she wasn't "hot" and some other stupid reasons. She said she wanted to do what I wanted to do so we ended it.

Now I found out that I get over things like this by focusing on only the bad aspects of the relationship. That's what I did. I hated her in a few weeks. Then hate turned to loathe. Next thing you know we haven't spoken in 4 months.

I get a phone call tuesday from my other ex (her friend) that she's moving away this week. I knew I had to make things right. I sent her a lot of messages asking if she'd let me come talk to her. She eventually said yes. So I wrote her a long letter saying everything that I wanted to say, because I can never remember everything when I get all emotional.

I went by her house, just expecting to give her the letter, say bye and leave. She asked if I wanted to go for a walk. We walked for 3 hours. It was like we never stopped talking. It was so sad. We both cried a lot. Remembering things, catching up.

It'd be naieve of me to say that there wasn't a lot of chemistry left. Her mom called her and said she had to come home... so we started... she grabbed my arm. We sat by my car and hugged saying bye for a long time. She's coming back in a few weeks I think... I'm gonna take her out then and catch up more, and what not.

It just sucks so much to find out the person you thought you hated is really the only person you love, and now they're going to the absolute opposite side of the country.

I'm really sad right now. Not a shallow superficial sadness, but a big, dark, brooding sadness.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

I just needed to tell someone about it. So thanks for reading, if you did.

[bobthecockroach]

I read.

That definitely sucks.

[Visirale]

I'm doing better. We went out for coffee today.. talked more. Before I knew it we were holding hands again for the first time in half a year... We were really close... just like old times.

It was sad taking her back home (her parents made me bring her home...) but before she left she said she wouldn't go mess around with boys in Seattle just yet, and I said I'd be waiting here for her when she gets back in a few weeks. And honestly, I've never felt so sure about something. Like I know that I'm not going to be tempted by anybody, because nothing can really be like what this is now. So I'm feeling... what's a word for it... complete? Not really happy or sad, just accepting of the way things are.

Hopefully it stays this way.

[Rainer.]

Hey, Ted. You'll be in my prayers.

And if you need someone up here in Seattle to spy for you, well, I offer reasonable rates.

j/k

[Visirale]

Hah, thanks guys, it means a lot.

I have a relatively calm state of mind right now, and I'm ready to take on the world in this new life perspective...