[crazychu]

why didn't you stop us?
why didn't you care?
you said you were one of them
i said it wasn't fair
why did things have to be this way
why couldn't we just stop
why couldn't i listen just once
why didn't we talk

i tried i tried
but i was so scared
we're still friends you know
but i wont be seeing you here
please dont blame me for everything
i know its all my fault
i know i should've said something
i know we should've talked

please get me out of here
i dont know what to do
it hurts so much, its burning
everything it said was true

please lets go backwards
i'm always full of fear
please give me another chance
i dont want to be here
you did this to me
please don't let me die
you were so selfish
to keep it all inside



if you get it right, you....win?

[Cruelty*free]

Deep (also), what actually are you talking about though?
Very good and promising.

[crazychu]

its a conversation about 2 people after they died, one was a believer, the other was not.

[Cruelty*free]

i see

[Ordinary Sarah]

Ahhh... now it makes a lot more sense, and now the lines don't seem as random. When I first read it, none of it seemed to be connected to anything else.

I think it's great if you want people to interpret your poetry, but I also think you need to be careful. If you're too ambiguous and don't give the reader a starting point, you just lose them. If you don't want to give the reader an explanation, at least make it structured enough that they can interpret it however they want.

*edit* Also, it may help if you distinguish between which speaker is saying what. i.e. put the christian's words in italics and the unsaved person's words in regular print or bold print. Or just put quotation marks around each section. Either way, it just helps to know who's saying what.

Anyways, I think it's great, now that I know where you were coming from. Good job.