Is it acceptable?

Thamar · 10-26-2006, 02:19 PM

There is this "rule" some parents try to instill in their girls. It says that "A girl should not ask a guy for money or even take money from him because if she does the guy might feel it's his right to request sex from her."

My question is:

During dating (i.e. a new relationship which may/may not lead to marriage, is still iffy) should a girl take money or even request money from her "friend"? Please explain your answer.

**H.M. Murdock** · 10-26-2006, 02:52 PM

If you need money, ask for money. It really makes no difference if you're a girl asking a guy, vice versa, or you're asking someone of the same gender. If asking for money is to be taken as taking a bribe for sex from one gender, what makes it so different when we take it from another? It's made up morality.

BRBob · 10-26-2006, 03:47 PM

I can't let this go by. This is not "made up morality". It is good sense. Onl people who are committed to each other should be sharing money in a meaningful sense. I'm not talking about a dollar or two to s=be spent on a Coke or something, I'm referring to, say, help with the rent or something. All too often the person who has come up with the money begins to feel a sense of ownership and the debtor feels an obligation. This kind of relationship requires commitment.

Young folks, listen to your elders on matters like this. There are things you may not see as yet, things you haven't lived long enough to experience so you tend to scoff at what is being said.

God Bless

Bob
Old guy in
Spearfish, SD

bobthecockroach · 10-26-2006, 05:17 PM

Thank you, Bob, for that insight.

The important thing I'd like to draw out is the part about a dollar or two to be spent on Coke or something. I do that all the time with many different girls simply because I want to be nice. Something like that, I don't think is any problem at all.

A sense of ownership situation could definitely come up though. That's one of the reasons I think it's so vital not to date anyone you don't completely trust. Be careful about this sort of thing when it involves real sums of money.

$5 or less, I don't think there's any reason to consider it a problem. I mean, if it's $5 every day, then we're back to previous paragraph, but just occasionally... nah.

Thamar · 10-29-2006, 12:21 PM

Thanks.

What can one say to a parent who has the mentality that if the girl is already in a sexual relationship with the guy then he might as well pay her way through school?

Thamar · 10-29-2006, 12:25 PM

Some would call that prostitution and it seems to be happening in many homes. It would be sad if professing Christians engaged in this but lets say for argument sake it's a non chirstian involved it this. Say you're a teacher and a young girl comes to you at school heart broken because her mother told her to "Go get her "man" to provide for you." What advice can one give to a girl in that situation?

**H.M. Murdock** · 10-29-2006, 12:25 PM

"No."

*wink*
Some could say that God considers you married after having sex, but either way, (in my mind) she is their child until married and if she isn't paying for school, they should be. It sounds like they're just a tad too money-minded.

Thamar · 10-29-2006, 12:30 PM

lol

Good answer but my concern it how does one help the child? The parent is the authority figure and they're neglecting their responsibility. What options does the child have?

**H.M. Murdock** · 10-29-2006, 02:40 PM

Not too many that I can see. It's not really a reason for a nuclear holocaust, metaphorically speaking, but with attitudes like that I would find it hard to imagine that the daughter could really remain "attached" in such a way to her parents. Hypothetically speaking.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 10-30-2006, 10:35 AM

I would be a guy safe to ask. In fact many people have asked me for a little bit of cash.

I have talked to a girl in this situation. The solution I gave her was how to break free from parents and pay for college on her own. To help her acheive self sufficiency is far better than teaching her to leach from a purely secular solution. Help her find a job.

Its time to break free.

passinthru · 11-01-2006, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thamar

lol

Good answer but my concern it how does one help the child? The parent is the authority figure and they're neglecting their responsibility. What options does the child have?

The 'child' needs to get a job and move out. That's really the only option that i see. If she's in college, then see about student loans, bursaries, scholoarships, emergency funds etc.

I really really hate the argument of ' the parent is the authority figure'. It is Biblical, but too many conservative Christians take it too far. Too many things are excused and overlooked, because oh, that's their parental right. I"ve harped on this one before and I'm not going to go into it here as it's somewhat off topic.

Parents can choose to not help their child through school. Mine aren't paying for any of my post-secondary education. I have a student loan and a part-time job so that I can pay my school expenses and live on my own. It is doable. It is not the end of the world. Children are not entitled to an education paid for by their parents. If they want it, they need to do what is necessary and legal to get it. End of story.

BRBob · 11-01-2006, 04:26 PM

Quote:

I have a student loan and a part-time job so that I can pay my school expenses and live on my own. It is doable. It is not the end of the world. Children are not entitled to an education paid for by their parents. If they want it, they need to do what is necessary and legal to get it. End of story.

Good for you!!!!

**Simo** · 11-01-2006, 05:45 PM

My Fiancee and i have been sharing money since early on in our relationship. We knew after three months that we would be getting married so we both figured that whatever money we had would be ours anyway. Most of the time i would pay for meals etc, while she would sometimes pay for petrol, presents for people etc. It was more like we didin't bother paying each other back because we knew it was 'both of our' money.

In terms of more exspensive things, it wasn't until our relationship was far more developed that we began to really share our money. Once we have been engaged my fiancee has paid my surgery, car insurance etc etc simply because i'm a student and she is working full time and there is no way i could afford that stuff.

It has worked really well for us. Although i can see how there might be problems.