Babies in bed?

**Epaphras** · 10-02-2006, 09:17 PM

Hey all,

I recently heard about parents having their infant children sleep in bed with them from day one until 2 or 3 years old, then weening them into their own room. What are the advantages and disadvantages to this?

In some ways it makes sense but in others it might cause problems, for instance the kid not wanting to eventually sleep alone, etc.

Lightknight · 10-02-2006, 09:26 PM

This is common in almost any other country in the world. It seems to work out for them pretty well, but I personally can't say good or bad things about it.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 10-03-2006, 08:42 AM

From what I have heard, its a very bad idea.

1) It can put babies at risk of being crushed. (I know I have heard of that a few times)
2) It tends to mess with a couple's sex life. (I have met couples who divorced over this)
3) From what I have heard, it is very difficult to wean a child from.

bobthecockroach · 10-03-2006, 09:52 AM

Beds are for making babies, not raising them.

Nate · 10-03-2006, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lightknight

This is common in almost any other country in the world. It seems to work out for them pretty well, but I personally can't say good or bad things about it.

80% of the countries in the world probably have one or two bed houses, Gavin.

Andrew · 10-03-2006, 11:51 AM

Also. I know several people who had parents who did that, and they remember times when their parents were having sex, and it has messed them up incredibly. So yes, that doesn't make sense at all.

Mara's Mom · 10-03-2006, 12:13 PM

I know families that have done this with some success. Meaning, they are typical families with typical children. Nothing weird and freaky, though I am sure those exist. Edit: see above *shudder*

It definitely has its disadvantages. My observation of those families is that they tend to be very child-centered homes overall. I don't think that is necessarily the result of the "family bed". They probably chose the family bed as a result of their child-centered tendencies rather than the other way around. The family bed simply reinforced it.

I do know one family that did this only for the months their son was nursing. As soon as he was weaned, he was taught to sleep in his own bed. He was about a year old. My point is that you wouldn't have to do it until the child is four or five. She had very practical reasons for choosing this.

Personally, I find the infant years to be foundational for establishing boundaries. "Here is my bed and there is yours." That can be done with plenty of nurturing and cuddling, while still recognizing the existence of their itty bitty sin nature. It is a harsh reality, but the most crucial lesson we teach our children in those formative years is that the world does not revolve around them. Which is exactly why I am not a soccer mom. *grin*

I should add that we have a king size bed so that our kids can come and cuddle/sleep with us on occasion. Every once in awhile, a child will wander in during the night afraid or not feeling well. Sometimes they are lonely or they just need to cuddle. This is rare, but absolutely valid. And probably once a month you will find kids camped out on our bedroom floor at our invitation.

Nate · 10-03-2006, 01:53 PM

I'm dying to know whether Mara still gets scared and comes to climb into bed with you.

**H.M. Murdock** · 10-03-2006, 02:36 PM

Don't worry, Nate; I'll come to your funeral. It ought to be... soon. *sad*

I used to have nightmares a lot lot lot. So I would spend a portion of the night with my parents. Usually I'd wake up a few hours later and go scrambling off to my bed due to snoring- my brother was a delightfully quiet roommate to have as a child. I can never remember actually sleeping in their bed, though. Ever. As far as I know, we all started in cribs and then moved up to "big boy/girl" beds, which was bunk beds for me, so far as I know.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 10-03-2006, 08:26 PM

I hate to say this, but every time I see this thread I see Babes in bed, which makes my finger jumpy on the delete button fearing a troll. Then I see babies, and all is well and good in the world.

**Role Modlin** · 10-03-2006, 08:47 PM

All three of our children slept in our bed from time to time. It wasn't a regular thing and it decreased as they got older. Sometimes you actually like to have your kids in there with you.

Nomes · 10-03-2006, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

Beds are for making babies, not raising them.

Amen (note: not even trying to start a family right now)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew

Also. I know several people who had parents who did that, and they remember times when their parents were having sex, and it has messed them up incredibly. So yes, that doesn't make sense at all.

Woah! Scary

Quote:

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

I hate to say this, but every time I see this thread I see Babes in bed, which makes my finger jumpy on the delete button fearing a troll. Then I see babies, and all is well and good in the world.

I keep seeing that too! Stupid eyes...

**MtlMom** · 10-03-2006, 11:26 PM

Don't start it, and you will save yourself many headaches down the road.

I will spare you the tragic tales from working in a pediatric emergency room. Don't go to sleep with an infant in bed with you. Please, just don't.

Singin4Him82 · 10-04-2006, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MtlMom

Don't start it, and you will save yourself many headaches down the road.

I will spare you the tragic tales from working in a pediatric emergency room. Don't go to sleep with an infant in bed with you. Please, just don't.

Amen!! This is so dangerous!! If you're talking about co-sleeping that's another issue. Co-sleeping is where they have their beds in the same room as the parents and it's either pushed against the parents bed or close to it. That's a whole other debate, I think it's fine to have an infant in your room for the first couple months, especially when the mother is breastfeeding that early but after a couple months it's time to let the baby get used to their own space. Otherwise you will create a habit that will be close to impossible to break, just ask my parents lol.

**Role Modlin** · 10-04-2006, 10:16 AM

We'll be the dissenting voice (and possibly the exception) but Robin and I didn't have any problems getting the kids to sleep by themselves and all three of them slept in the bed with one or the both of us from time to time. Agreed...it wasn't an every night thing...but it happened quite a bit.