How to keep conversations going?

Mattlock · 08-24-2006, 10:14 PM

So, I'm really bad with conversations. There's a couple people I could go on for hours with, but most people whenever I talk to them it's just really awkward, and I just can't hold a conversation with them.

Is there any way to fix this?

Chris · 08-24-2006, 10:24 PM

I'm terrible with conversations too. I've only had conversations, that I was actively involved in, with three people maximum that lasted over an hour or so.

One way to get used to talking with other people is to talk out loud just whenever. You just eventually get used to talking. It also helps if you don't worry about sounding dumb. (that's a little trickier, though). You could ask my wife, there are tonnes of times where I sound like an absolute idiot babbling on about anything that comes to mind.

AlphaSigma · 08-24-2006, 10:27 PM

talk about the weather.

**Rainer.** · 08-24-2006, 10:28 PM

Yeah, just talk. Most everyone is just like you, trust that they'll talk back, because they probably will.

I just talk to people, and usually I always forget to ask their names... it's kinda funny when I come back to them at a later time and ask them what their name was because we never got around to it last we met.

Knowing you, you'll probably find it easy to find things to talk about once you get used to talking in general.

ieatdirt · 08-25-2006, 06:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mattlock

So, I'm really bad with conversations. There's a couple people I could go on for hours with, but most people whenever I talk to them it's just really awkward, and I just can't hold a conversation with them.

Is there any way to fix this?

Practice. Seriously, it helps. If you keep talking and talk about random things that come to mind, eventually you won't even need to think about it, you can just talk forever.

BurntHombre · 08-25-2006, 07:35 AM

People like to talk about themselves. Want to keep a conversation going? Ask questions. Take an interest in people. "So what are your plans for the weekend?" is a good starter. Practice being a good listener. If they say they're going camping, ask them questions about camping. Don't be stalkerish about it, of course. And when a subject comes up where you share common ground, share your own thoughts.

Don't babble just to fill up space. Interestingly, the more you listen and the more you let the other person talk, the more likely they are to leave the conversation thinking about what a great conversationalist you are.

**Rainer.** · 08-25-2006, 10:34 AM

It's the BurntHombre! You've come back!

Mattlock · 08-25-2006, 11:24 AM

Hmm... Thanks for the advice.

Ii'm guilty of blabbering like a mindless idiot to take up space.

BurntHombre · 08-25-2006, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rainer.

It's the BurntHombre! You've come back!

Heh, thanks for noticing.

* · 08-26-2006, 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BurntHombre

People like to talk about themselves. Want to keep a conversation going? Ask questions. Take an interest in people. "So what are your plans for the weekend?" is a good starter. Practice being a good listener. If they say they're going camping, ask them questions about camping. Don't be stalkerish about it, of course. And when a subject comes up where you share common ground, share your own thoughts.

Don't babble just to fill up space. Interestingly, the more you listen and the more you let the other person talk, the more likely they are to leave the conversation thinking about what a great conversationalist you are.

While you're right, it tends to leave the conversation more one-sided from my experience. It keeps conversation going and one learns a lot about the other person at the same time, but many become so very involved in answering your questions and talking about themselves that they never ask or listen much in return.

Or perhaps only I've had such a problem recently...

**bread man** · 08-27-2006, 05:15 AM

I agree with most of what has been said. I'm similar to you Matt, but I've been improving over the years. One of the best things I've learned is not to force conversation. If a conversation is dying, then don't try to keep it going, just take it to its logical conclusion and try talking to that person later when you have something to talk about.

wjarmusch · 08-27-2006, 03:30 PM

I was a lot like you a few years ago, I had trouble just talking to people. 3 things I think helped me get over it.
1. I went to a summer camp that involved public speaking.
2. I spent more time with my friends that I had a lot in common with.
3. Hung out with my friends that were really outgoing.

I think that the last one there really helps. The more time you spend with people that aren't afraid to talk, the more confident you (or at least I was) will be over time. I don't know if it works for everyone but it helped me.

I also agree with the advice to be a good listener, (doesn't work 2 well if you get 2 people who have the same problem though) and then what they say will open up conversation topics for you.
As a last suggestion...pray about it, seriously...if it's something you struggle with, it's important to learn how to get to know people, and conversations are a big part of that. Don't worry about it though, just be yourself.

HolyRockJfreak · 08-28-2006, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mattlock

So, I'm really bad with conversations. There's a couple people I could go on for hours with, but most people whenever I talk to them it's just really awkward, and I just can't hold a conversation with them.

Is there any way to fix this?

yeah Ive had that before

here are my tips

1. if you have trouble holding a conversation....think of something before you see someone...like if youre on the web and see something pretty funny or interesting just talk about it...or if you were hanging out and someone did something funny....

2. freestyle....just talk about whatever you see or comes to mind

3. talk about whatever is going on in your life

4. start with this kick-off line....have you ever wondered/tried ice and pizza together or something....

5. (my personal favorite)....try to bluff them and convince them you have achieved super-human skills....for example I basically convinced a friend of mine that I got sprayed with chemicals and became the flash

.....if you can pull it off, its dead hilarious....but I wouldn't recommend it if you're trying to build trust....

hopefully those helped....

xtremes00 · 08-29-2006, 05:44 AM

Try to say what ever comes into ur mind..

Or rather try talkin bout experiences, about what you did, those stuff..

Mattlock · 08-29-2006, 06:28 PM

The thing is, whenever I speak everything that comes to my mind, my conversations start to die. Because then I start rambling and saying really, really, really stupid things.