[Ted Logan]

Hi everyone! We brought home our daughter from the hospital on Friday, and I have a couple of questions about proper parenting. The baby was one month early, in case that impacts how to deal with any of this.

1. Our dog starts whining whenever the baby fusses, and when the baby cries, the dog starts barking. Any idea how we can manage this behavior?
2. Halina (our daughter) doesn't seem to be very interested in sleeping in her cradle; she wants to be held constantly. She fussed, then started crying, if we left her in the cradle for more than a couple minutes. Last night, our first night home, we had to take turns holding the baby while the other slept. Is this normal? How can we help her get used to the cradle?
3. Halina seems to have chapped lips today. Can we use a little vaseline on them if they seem to be causing her some pain?
4. She spends very little time with her eyes open. Most of the time, she's sleeping, eating, or fussing, but she'll open her eyes for a while after feeding. Again, is this normal?
5. She prefers to be held in the position we burp her in. When she fusses, this is the position that seems to appeal most to her. Is it okay for her to sleep sitting up in my arms like that, or does that qualify as sleeping on her stomach (her stomach to my chest, her face turned to the side against my shoulder), which they say contributes to the possibility of SIDS?

Thanks for all your help.

[nate95366]

Originally Posted by Aaron Adams

Hi everyone! We brought home our daughter from the hospital on Friday

Congratulations! My wife and I brought home our second (boy) about 3 weeks ago - the first (girl) is 18 months.

Originally Posted by Aaron Adams

I have a couple of questions about proper parenting.

I'll probably start then by telling you that everybody does it differently, so "proper" is probably not what I'll end up telling you, but "something that worked for me" might be a better description.

Originally Posted by Aaron Adams

The baby was one month early, in case that impacts how to deal with any of this.

My doctor friends and my brother (who's first was a month early) say you may (and again, may not) notice some slight delays in reaching the first few "milestone" moments with her, but other than that, if she's healthy it's no problem.

Originally Posted by Aaron Adams

1. Our dog starts whining whenever the baby fusses, and when the baby cries, the dog starts barking. Any idea how we can manage this behavior?

I've heard that it's not true that old dogs can't learn new tricks. Have your dog learn a new trick: shut up! (only find a real gentle, soothing way to communicate this so that the baby won't cry louder!)

Originally Posted by Aaron Adams

2. Halina (our daughter) doesn't seem to be very interested in sleeping in her cradle; she wants to be held constantly. She fussed, then started crying, if we left her in the cradle for more than a couple minutes. Last night, our first night home, we had to take turns holding the baby while the other slept. Is this normal? How can we help her get used to the cradle?

Let me reassure you: this is VERY normal. The first night of anything will often be unpredictable anyway. For other "getting used to" issues, there are basically two schools of parenting: the attachment school (best illustrated by the Dr. Sears baby book, IMO) and the behaviorist school (well illustrated by the Baby Wise books). Attachment folks will basically tell you to wear your kid around the house in a sling, holding her at every possible moment, sleeping with her in your bed, feeding whenever she wants fed, etc. Behaviorist folks will basically tell you that parenting is all about teaching kids what you expect, with a caution that the first couple of weeks at home are not the time for "tough love" sessions. Young premature babies should eat whenever they're hungry, for example, not necessarily on your schedule.

As far as practical tips for getting her down in the cradle - from my experience of the first two weeks or so, it's all about temperature and a nice, tight swaddle. She basically wants to feel like she's still in utero. Our first liked to have one arm left out of the swaddle, but other than that, wrap her nice and tight and see how things go.

Originally Posted by Aaron Adams

3. Halina seems to have chapped lips today. Can we use a little vaseline on them if they seem to be causing her some pain?

I wouldn't. Just wait a few days - all skin issues will start clearing up. Breast milk is good medicine for chapped lips. Vaseline tastes nasty.

Originally Posted by Aaron Adams

4. She spends very little time with her eyes open. Most of the time, she's sleeping, eating, or fussing, but she'll open her eyes for a while after feeding. Again, is this normal?

This is textbook normal. Sounds like you have a newborn baby to me! Don't worry, the eyes will start to open for longer periods of time as she past about the first 2-3 weeks or so.

Originally Posted by Aaron Adams

5. She prefers to be held in the position we burp her in. When she fusses, this is the position that seems to appeal most to her. Is it okay for her to sleep sitting up in my arms like that, or does that qualify as sleeping on her stomach (her stomach to my chest, her face turned to the side against my shoulder), which they say contributes to the possibility of SIDS?

The general rule for the first few weeks is: hold the baby how she likes to be held. She might be having some gas issues (normal), and being held upright helps. Sleeping in that position absolutely does not equate to sleeping on the stomach or SIDS risk. I feel like I should repeat that last sentence for emphasis. Be reassured - you're NOT causing her any harm in this. Just don't lay her down in her crib that way - but laying her down in the crib/cradle is a totally different ballgame, not to be equated with being held by daddy. Are you getting used to that name yet - daddy?

And for the well-being of your entire household: Make sure your wife knows that it's Mother's Day tomorrow

Nate

Oh, I forgot to mention which side of the attachment-behavior battle I take: I'm generally a behaviorist, although some of the Baby-Wise guidelines are a little too extreme in my estimation. We own a copy of each book: The Dr. Sears Book (very attachment) and the Baby-Wise Book (very behaviorist). I'm "OK" on attachment except that I don't want my kids sleeping in my bed for their first 8 years of life (or even on a regular basis at all - transition times are ok, though). Anyway, I'd recommend paging through each book and appreciating the tremendous differences in opinion and then charting your own course.

[Ted Logan]

Wow, Nate. Thank you so much for taking the time to give me advice in all of this. It really means a lot to me. And I feel so reassured.

[Rach]

Sounds like Aaron is freaking out just a bit.

I don't have any advice, but will be praying for you guys.

[Dave H]

Aaron - As a relatively new parent myself, I can completely relate Calm down, it sounds like everything is okay - and I don't really have anything beyond what Nate said.

Oh, and congratulations

[finchfeeder]

Congratulations!

Time sure moves fast! Seems like you just got married.

I am not an expert. I never had any children. I do know this. Maybe you do too.

Babies have soft heads.

You have to lie them in different positions or their heads will go flat on one side. One of my relatives, their daughter had a big flat back of the head from them putting her on her back all of the time.

If your daughter is lying her cheek upon your shoulder, I think that will be good for her. Try to encourage her to use both sides. Still, I am no expert. Let me see if I can go find you some.

I'm pretty sure that you will not allow her to smother.

Also, if you put a baby in bed with you, you could roll over and smother it in your sleep. I do not think that it is a good idea to sleep in bed with a baby.

Wow! You are a DAD!

[finchfeeder]

I don't know if this will help but I think that I kind of can see life from the dogs point of view and I think that you have a really good dog.

Dogs are pack animals. A member of your dog's pack is telling your dog that it needs to bark. Your dog is already obeying your daughter! Also, it sounds like your dog is watching over your daughter and that could end up being very helpful to you.

I really do not know how to fix the problem. One thing that might help is to be sure that the dog gets the exercise that it needs every day.

Maybe this information can help you to figure out how to deal with it. From the dogs point of view, when your daughter cries, she is telling it to bark. The dog is following the leader. In the long run, it will be good that your dog follows your daughter.

[MtlMom]

You have received some excellent advice! I'll add just a bit.

1. Our dog starts whining whenever the baby fusses, and when the baby cries, the dog starts barking. Any idea how we can manage this behavior?

If your dog is used to being the "only child" it might just be jealousy. You might want to spend a bit more time playing with the dog, as silly as that might sound. We had a 12 year old sheperd that quickly went from feeling left out to being a wonderful baby protector. If you trust the dog completely, let him see the baby and get a good smell of who this new person is, if you haven't already done that.

2. Halina (our daughter) doesn't seem to be very interested in sleeping in her cradle; she wants to be held constantly. She fussed, then started crying, if we left her in the cradle for more than a couple minutes. Last night, our first night home, we had to take turns holding the baby while the other slept. Is this normal? How can we help her get used to the cradle?
She just got out of a very cramped space - she isn't adjusted to the freedom the world gives. Swaddling is very important. So is holding her! You aren't going to spoil her beyond repair in the first couple weeks of life by holding her too much, if that's what you are worried about.

3. Halina seems to have chapped lips today. Can we use a little vaseline on them if they seem to be causing her some pain?
The oils from the breast are usually the best thing for this. If she isn't breast feeding, a little Vaseline is just fine.

4. She spends very little time with her eyes open. Most of the time, she's sleeping, eating, or fussing, but she'll open her eyes for a while after feeding. Again, is this normal?

Totally normal.

5. She prefers to be held in the position we burp her in. When she fusses, this is the position that seems to appeal most to her. Is it okay for her to sleep sitting up in my arms like that, or does that qualify as sleeping on her stomach (her stomach to my chest, her face turned to the side against my shoulder), which they say contributes to the possibility of SIDS?

This is the most beautiful daddy position ever created. Enjoy it, and stop worrying about it.

[Mara's Mom]

Aaron, you win the Dad Award for asking such great questions.

You've been given excellent advice. I think I have read everything and only have one very small thing to add.

Since Halina (amazing name, by the way) was a month early, she may be a bit sleepier than average. This is totally okay. Newborns sleep a lot anyway, but when they've arrived before their time they like to sleep even more. As long as she is eating well, meaning she is eating consistently and gaining weight, you are going to be just fine. I have had two Earlys and two On-Times and there was a pretty marked difference.

Enjoy every little moment you can squeeze out of her, Aaron!! *smile*

[Role Modlin]

Originally Posted by Aaron Adams

1. Our dog starts whining whenever the baby fusses, and when the baby cries, the dog starts barking. Any idea how we can manage this behavior?
2. Halina (our daughter) doesn't seem to be very interested in sleeping in her cradle; she wants to be held constantly. She fussed, then started crying, if we left her in the cradle for more than a couple minutes. Last night, our first night home, we had to take turns holding the baby while the other slept. Is this normal? How can we help her get used to the cradle?
3. Halina seems to have chapped lips today. Can we use a little vaseline on them if they seem to be causing her some pain?
4. She spends very little time with her eyes open. Most of the time, she's sleeping, eating, or fussing, but she'll open her eyes for a while after feeding. Again, is this normal?
5. She prefers to be held in the position we burp her in. When she fusses, this is the position that seems to appeal most to her. Is it okay for her to sleep sitting up in my arms like that, or does that qualify as sleeping on her stomach (her stomach to my chest, her face turned to the side against my shoulder), which they say contributes to the possibility of SIDS?

Thanks for all your help.

First of all, congrats to you and Heather. Being a parent is so awesome.

1- Unlike most of the folks who have already posted, I'm going to suggest possibly...maybe...for you to at least consider getting rid of the dog. You have been given some good advice but sometimes the dog can't be "taught a new trick." It just depends on how jealous the dog might be. Some eventually accept the baby and become great playmates and protectors, but the truth is that some never do. Try out some the suggestions you've been given, but realize that the dog may have to go.

2- Every baby is different so I can only speak from my experiences. Two of our three were like that. Unfortunately, we often add to the problem by picking the baby up every single time he/she cries. I know it's hard to sit there and let a baby cry, especially a newborn. We weren't able to do it in the beginning either. We finally learned that if the baby wasn't hungry, hurting, or in need of a change; we let him/her cry. There were MANY long nights before we ever learned that lesson though. My advice, you do what you feel is right for your baby.

3- Vaseline is exactly what I would tell you to use.

4- Babies spend 95% (I made up this figure) of their time sleeping. Seriously, that's all they seem to do for the first few months. Our daughter is getting ready to turn one year old and she still sleeps a lot. They just do that. What a life.

5- All three of our kids spent MANY nights (and days) sleeping on our shoulders. It's comfortable to them. Sleeping face down, alone in a crib or cradle would be a no-no, but upright on someone's shoulder is fine. It often seems to be the only way to get them to go to sleep when they're fussy.


I hope this helps a little. Like I said, every baby is different, just because it does/doesn't work for us doesn't mean it won't work for you.

Once again....congrats.

[TheProdigalModern]

Well, as the youngest parent here (I'm 21) with the least children (I have one), my advice is probably suspect, as I'm pretty much learning as I go.

2. Halina (our daughter) doesn't seem to be very interested in sleeping in her cradle; she wants to be held constantly. She fussed, then started crying, if we left her in the cradle for more than a couple minutes. Last night, our first night home, we had to take turns holding the baby while the other slept. Is this normal? How can we help her get used to the cradle?

What has been said before is all pretty good advice, but let me add this warning: don't make it habit once she's a little older. My son is 13-months old now, and we still fight out the bed battle on a fairly regular basis. He doesn't like his bed because he knows that ours is better, and that there are bodies to snuggle. This loses much of its sweetness after a few months.

Right now, what you're doing is pretty much par for course.

4. She spends very little time with her eyes open. Most of the time, she's sleeping, eating, or fussing, but she'll open her eyes for a while after feeding. Again, is this normal?

Completely. Her eyes are still developing yet, and she can't see much beyond your looming outline--and that's only when you lean in really close. As she gets older, you'll get to see them more and more.

5. She prefers to be held in the position we burp her in. When she fusses, this is the position that seems to appeal most to her. Is it okay for her to sleep sitting up in my arms like that, or does that qualify as sleeping on her stomach (her stomach to my chest, her face turned to the side against my shoulder), which they say contributes to the possibility of SIDS?

If this was dangerous, I doubt any of us would be here.

[Ted Logan]

Thank you all for your amazing advice! I'm somewhat busy these days (heh), so I can't promise a more detailed response just yet, but please know that I've read all your advice and would hand each of you a bag full of doubloons if I could. This is what CGR is all about.

Oh, and we're settling down a little bit. She sleeps in the cradle a LITTLE bit more, and the dog has stopped all her strange behavior, so we're doing good.

Peace to you all,
Aaron

[exo]

My wife and I used the Babywise method and it worked out very well for us. We know several other couples as well who did this and it worked out the same for each of them. So, I'd recommend picking up the book.

Oh, and you know that feeling when you get out of the movie theatre in the middle of the summer and your eyes have to majorly adjust to the bright sunlight. Well, multiply that by 1000 and you'll get an idea of what your baby is going through, cause they've never been in the light at all!

[Singin4Him82]

Originally Posted by exo

My wife and I used the Babywise method and it worked out very well for us. We know several other couples as well who did this and it worked out the same for each of them. So, I'd recommend picking up the book.

Oh, and you know that feeling when you get out of the movie theatre in the middle of the summer and your eyes have to majorly adjust to the bright sunlight. Well, multiply that by 1000 and you'll get an idea of what your baby is going through, cause they've never been in the light at all!

I would like to echo that! Some close friends of ours used the Babywise method as well and it worked great for them. I plan to use it myself.

[KFBobInsanesMom]

Originally Posted by exo

My wife and I used the Babywise method and it worked out very well for us. We know several other couples as well who did this and it worked out the same for each of them. So, I'd recommend picking up the book.

Oh, and you know that feeling when you get out of the movie theatre in the middle of the summer and your eyes have to majorly adjust to the bright sunlight. Well, multiply that by 1000 and you'll get an idea of what your baby is going through, cause they've never been in the light at all!

Since I know nothing about this, is this "babywise" method that which is associated with Gary Ezzo?? I just did a search because I had never heard of it and almost every link speaks negatively of it. This makes me wonder if this is what you are referring to.

Here is one of the pages that came up when I just googled "babywise" http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/bab...leep/9108.html