[Nate]

Hey y'all.... this is an essay that I had to write recently for a college application. It was supposed to be 500 words, but I went to like 750+. Anyway.... it's about to be in the mail, so I really won't/can't change anything that y'all suggest.... but I'd still like some feedback on it. I had to try SOO hard to not mention God directly.... I tried to keep out of Christianity as much as possible and still remain theologically correct. Anyway.... here it is... tell me what you think. (good or bad... it doesn't matter to me what your opinion is of it.... I just wanna know)
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I, like most people, used to think that the world was full of mostly good people. Little did I know that this could not be further from the truth. I have now come to realize that people are not inherently good, but inherently evil. Before I continue, let me say that this essay deals primarily with spiritual and philosophical issues. I realize that this may be upsetting, confusing, or even offensive to some people, but I hope that your mind would be open to consider an opinion that is vastly different from the one most people hold.

It can easily be seen that there is a sort of moral code of conduct that almost all people are sensitive to. In other words, we know what we ought to do. However, it is just as apparent that nobody completely lives up to this code of conduct. Since this code is practically the same for every individual, it can be assumed that there is a firm standard of right and wrong. For example: Nobody would argue that killing a man in cold blood is wrong, or that giving a million dollars to help feed the homeless is right. At the same time, almost nobody would argue that telling a lie to your parents is wrong. Although we know it is wrong, almost every one of us has lied to our parents before. In a world where people are usually considered to be inherently good, this failure to live up to the standard presents a major problem. Why, if we know what we ought to do, do we not always do it? Why, if we are inherently good, do we not always do what is right?

I submit to you that we are not inherently good, but rather, we are inherently evil. The apostle Paul, arguably the greatest Christian apostle ever, affirms this in Romans chapter 7. Paul writes that he is “sold as a slave to sin” (v. 14) and that “nothing good lives in him.” (v. 18) He then goes on to say that he knows the good he ought to do, even wants to do that good, but he cannot carry out that desire because evil is always with him. The presence of evil in our lives is something most people do not like to consider. Most of us would like to think that we are pretty good and that we are far from being evil. However, the first step to solving a problem is admitting that you have one. We cannot solve the problem of evil until we realize that it exists, and admit that it exists in us.

Unfortunately, we live in a culture where evil is all too often ignored. Crimes such as the recent terrorist attacks on America are unthinkable to us. Our view of the world is so clouded by our false assumption of humanity’s inherent goodness that we cannot imagine how somebody could be so evil as to kill thousands of innocent people. Even our view of our own lives is affected by this assumption. We label ourselves as good people, but we quickly forget the many times we have all fallen short of that label. We are quick to pass judgment on others, but then turn around and do the exact thing we have just condemned them for doing. For example: According to a recent Gallup poll, 89% of adults surveyed said that a married person having an affair is morally wrong. Yet, according to various surveys put out by About.com, 75% said they have had at least one relationship with a married or involved person, and only 31% said that you should confess a one-night stand to your spouse.

Evil is all around us, it is part of our very being. We cannot escape it, but we can prevent it from controlling us. To draw this all together, I now turn once again to the apostle Paul. In his first letter to Timothy, he encourages him to flee from all forms of evil and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, and gentleness. I have found this to be one of the best solutions ever given for the problem of evil. Evil will not go away by itself, it is up to us to turn away from it and strive to do good instead. Repentance, or turning away from evil, is the only solution for this great problem that has beset us all.

[Nate]

And yes, you do detect a little bit of C.S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity" in the second paragraph there.

[WaKaDruM]

the first thing I balked on was going over the word count, but even if the reader notices it, it probably won't be a deciding factor for admission in of itself.

i can't really say anything else without knowing:

what was the essay topic?

what schools did u apply to? (idle curiousity)



victor (who wrote 1 essay for cornell and recycled another one for 4 other schools

[trhoke]

Keyboardfreak said:
For example: Nobody would argue that killing a man in cold blood is wrong, or that giving a million dollars to help feed the homeless is right. At the same time, almost nobody would argue that telling a lie to your parents is wrong. Although we know it is wrong, almost every one of us has lied to our parents before.

I highlighted what I think are trouble spots (in bold). Or am I missing something? For e.g. don't you mean that "Nobody would argue that killing a man in cold blood is right" instead of wrong?

[Nate]

Originally posted by WaKaDruM
what was the essay topic?

The topic was something to the effect of "Write about something that you used to assume was true but later found out was not."

what schools did u apply to?

So far, I have applied to Lousiana College (A liberal arts school affiliated with the Baptist denomination), and Loyola University in New Orleans (which is what this essay was for)

(who wrote 1 essay for cornell and recycled another one for 4 other schools )

HAHA... I'll probably do the same thing if I decide to apply to any other schools.

Originally posted by trhoke
I highlighted what I think are trouble spots (in bold). Or am I missing something? For e.g. don't you mean that "Nobody would argue that killing a man in cold blood is right" instead of wrong?

Ahh.... I see what you're saying. How could I make this more clear??? "Nobody would argue that killing a man in cold blood is right" just doesn't sound right to me..... it sounds better, to me, the way I had it to begin with.

Maybe something like... "Nobody would disagree that killing a man in cold blood is wrong...."??? My vocabulary is failing me!!

[Nate]

Me ^ ^

[trhoke]

We probably need a second opinion, I'm not sure I'm reading it right.

[Nate]

Probably so.... it's not in the mail yet anyway... so I still have time to change it. Was there anything else that you thought needed work??

[trhoke]

Originally posted by KeyboardFreak
Probably so.... it's not in the mail yet anyway... so I still have time to change it. Was there anything else that you thought needed work??

No, I was pretty impressed with it as a whole.

[Nate]

Thanks, Tim!

Still waiting for Victor's final verdict...

[WaKaDruM]

Originally posted by trhoke

For e.g. don't you mean that "Nobody would argue that killing a man in cold blood is right" instead of wrong?

I spent 5 minutes rereading both sentences and it gave me a headache, then it hit me that it all depends on how the word 'that' is interepted.

1. Nobody would argue that killing a man in cold blood is wrong.
2. Nobody would argue that killing a man in cold blood is right.

Case 1 goes south if you interpret 'that' as 'to advocate for', to get the effect of:
"Nobody would argue the case for killing a man to be wrong"

Case 2 compensates for the disagreement by using the word 'right' but case 2 just doesn't sound normal.

Most people would glance over case 1 and know exactly what you mean.

"Nobody would AGREE that killing a man in cold blood is right." probably takes care of it.


Victor (is happy he is in college now and is no longer dealing with the college app rat race)

[Nate]

Ack.... I think I'm just going to go with my instincts and leave it how it is. Judging by the context, I think it's pretty clear what I mean.

[WaKaDruM]

Originally posted by KeyboardFreak
Judging by the context, I think it's pretty clear what I mean.

i'd say so.

[trhoke]

Originally posted by KeyboardFreak
Ack.... I think I'm just going to go with my instincts and leave it how it is. Judging by the context, I think it's pretty clear what I mean.

Sure, go ahead and ignore godly counsel!!