What ya'll think of this?

Jared · 05-07-2001, 06:40 PM

Hey ya'll! I'm a singer/songwriter, age 15. Yes, 15. You're probably thinking I couldn't possibly know what I'm doing, but just put up with me, please! Anyway, I just wrote another song, and I wanted some feedback. So here it is.

"Standing on the Moon"

A bloodstained rose lies on my windowpane
And I fade away
I reminisce on all the things that passed me by
And everything God’s done today

For what it’s worth I guess I have to say I’m sorry
And I pray
To see the face of One who I’ve evaded all these years
The precious One who I betrayed

And I’m an eternity from now
Looking back on what I used to be
And I’m disgusted with the brittle crumbling person that I see
I’m 10 forevers from now
Recalling what I am
And I’m ecstatic over who I am with You
Standing on the moon

Reading love letters that are written in red
And I fade away
Looking back I guess I never had too much to say
Or noticed everything you’ve done today

A bloodstained window’s fallen on the bed of roses
And I cry
To see the face of One who I’ve evaded all these years
The precious lamb I can’t deny

A host of angels who dance on a nail
that's shot through a wrist and then stuck in a rail
And a God with a Father softly crying out
Forgiveness in his feeble shout
And love falls down on me
And hope falls down on me

I’ve fit my life into a soggy paper bag
And I say
To God above whose made me more than I could ever be
So I give my soggy life to You today

authenic77 · 05-07-2001, 07:14 PM

I think your song is GREAT

Of what I read you have such a great talent!!!!!
I Love the way your song has the poetic feel!!!!!
(I Love artist's like Chasing Furies..........)
Keep Writing For Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And by the way I'd love to hear more!!!!!!!!!!

Starfold Seven · 05-07-2001, 11:32 PM

Hey it's good and don't think you don't know what you're doing because you're 15. I'm only 14, so don't sweat it, you're fine.

Mr Niceguy · 05-09-2001, 09:28 AM

Hey, great stuff! I really like it! Keep writing! Don't worry i'm only 13 and I have been writing for a couple years now!

Jared · 05-09-2001, 09:23 PM

Thanks ya'll!!!!! I didn't think I'd get such a positive response! You all post your songs. I want to see your talents!
Jaredcamel