[DreamChaser]

Heya,

Yes. This IS Brandon's new blog. I'm not sure if this is allowed by the mods, but after coming up empty after quite a bit of searching for reasons why making a new blog would be against the rules, I have no choice but to assume that it is not inappropriate. If the mods or admins see fit to delete this blog, or delete my old one (prefered), please do. I'm creating this new blog because my old one feels like it was created by an entirely different me. So much of outdated information and posts by people who no longer exist on CGR, including myself, that I felt it would be nice to start over from scratched - without sugarcoating my actual personality and thoughts. It's always nice to have a place to write down whatever is in my head or heart, just for the sake of feeling that there are at least a few people who understand a me, or a part of me, and also to further discover and solidify the person that I am. I have a livejournal page where I used to do all of this - but the few friends that I have that know about it have practically disappeared in my life, and the only one that is still around is a member of CGR - so I might as well just put all that junk here. I like this format better anyways; and I like the fact that anyone can enter this space of mine and tell me just how wrong I really am. Or how right. Either way, I'm a fan of feedback and criticism. As it is, I havn't had enough in my life. Not honest and well-meaning criticism.

The most important resolution that I have with making this new journal is that I will be very honest. To myself and to others who may venture here. I intend to think what I say, though not always to say what I think.

Here's a few things about me: I will be 21 on the 21st of this month.

It's funny. When I try to think of something more to tell about myself, all I come up with are negative personality traits. Well, I guess I'll run through them first, maybe something more interesting will show up afterwords.

I'm lazy. Actually, let me correct myself. I am not lazy. I AM unmotivated. I have no problem working, and working hard, when I'm doing something - but I have very little motivation to get started. I am self-centered, spoiled, unreliable, irresponsible and hypocritical. I have had many interest and hobbies, but have always been mediocre at best with all of them. My intellect is only slightly above the average American's, even though I may strike you as very intelligent at first, you will soon come to realize that it is really far less than you originally anticipated. Oh, and if you count the fact the fact that I stated that my intellect was above average, I guess you could say that I am arrogant.

Well now, I guess now would be as good a time as any to end that list. I could go on, rest assured, but I've got to move on sooner or later. There ARE a few good inherent traits about me.

For instance, I am a very quick learner. I do lose kenetic energy with something after a little while, unless I am VERY interested in it, but I can gain working knowledge fairly quickly.

Hm... now there must be a few other good inherent traits in me somewhere.

Oh yeah. I'm generous. When I have money I really enjoy giving it to people, or buying things for people. I repeat: When I have money. I'm kind of bummed out right now about it, actually. My friend just had a car wreck today, and it was her technically her fault. I know she's been stressed about money enough as it is, so this really came at a bad time. I'd seriously love to pay for whatever she has to fork out, but alas... when you are jobless you have to keep what little you have saved until you can get a job.

Oh. Here's something that I forgot to add under the negative comment list.

I am a pathetic excuse for a Christian. I've been on the downslope of faith and fruit for the last 6 years or so. It's really strange being as spiritually deaad as I am, but still believing with every fiber in my brain that Jesus is Christ, and all the implications that come with that fact. I hate doing things that I know I shouldn't do. I hate that I have such a hard time saying no to what makes other people happy, but condemns my soul, and theirs. It's not like I don't KNOW what right and wrong are. I know it well. Knowing the difference doesn't seem to help any, and I know that the only thing that can make the difference is if Jesus changed me.

Man, wouldn't that be awesome.

I grew up a Christian. Christian parents, Christian brothers, Christian friends. It seems that all the friends I once knew and thought would never fall from faith have fallen. The most important person in my life, outside of my immediate family, has turned agnostic. I'm hanging on for dear life, and it really scares me that if I'm not careful, I WILL become just another kid who has shaken off the brainwashing of his upbringing.

Someone, please brainwash me some more.

[SupaNova]

First Reply!

I wouldn't worry about the mods shutting you down. I've seen several people close old blogs to open new ones and I see no reason why you can't do the same.

Originally Posted by Dreamchaser

I grew up a Christian. Christian parents, Christian brothers, Christian friends. It seems that all the friends I once knew and thought would never fall from faith have fallen. The most important person in my life, outside of my immediate family, has turned agnostic. I'm hanging on for dear life, and it really scares me that if I'm not careful, I WILL become just another kid who has shaken off the brainwashing of his upbringing.

I know what you mean. Everyone in my family, except for my mother, has pretty much ditched religion and my friends....well, most of my good friends growing up weren't really Christians, so I kind of know what you're going through. Ironically, it seems like I'm having the worst spiritual time of my life right now attending a conservative "christian" university, but I guess we each just have to play the hand the dealer dealt us, eh?


Anyway good deal man, don't remember ever seeing your old blog but looking forward to reading this new one.

[Dr. Worm]

Originally Posted by DreamChaser

Someone, please brainwash me some more.

Why? What do you think is so bad and so scary about being another kid who shakes off the brainwashing of their upbringing?

[DreamChaser]

Heya,

Originally Posted by Dr. Worm

Why? What do you think is so bad and so scary about being another kid who shakes off the brainwashing of their upbringing?

See, that's another thing. Why do I care if I know that the only reason I'm a Christian right now is because it's how I've lifed all my life, and what I've believed. I'm not 100% sure why I believe it now, to tell the truth. Also, while I was brought up as a Christian in a Christian family, it was "enforced" in my life far less than most kids who grew up in a similar Christian family. This is mostly due to not going to church until I was about 16 - and at that time I did it only out of curiosity. After about a year of going to a very nice church, and feeling out of place every minute of it, I stopped again. I really don't miss it, either (boy, am I gonna catch a lot of flack for that, haha).

Eh.. I wonder if there was a point somewhere up there. Oh, yeah. Here's the jist of it:
I don't want to "shake the brainwashing" because I know that the knowledge gained from this so called "brainwashing" is the truth. How do I know that? I can't explain it. The reason it is scary to me that I might come to disregard Christinity? Again, because I know it's the truth. It's bad enough that I do things knowing they are wrong, but it would be even worse to lose the knowledge of the truth that they ARE wrong.

Yeah. Illogical, ain't it?

Originally Posted by SupaNova

Anyway good deal man, don't remember ever seeing your old blog but looking forward to reading this new one.

Glad you will. I've always enjoyed your posts. Oh, and you aren't missing much by not having seen my old blog. It was lame. After looking back at it earlier today, I realized how much I have changed. Dude, it's crazy. That's mostly what prompted creating a new one.

[DreamChaser]

Heya,

Ugh. I think I'm getting sick. I guess it's to be expected, since my bandmate and my best friend have both been sick recently, and I've spent a good amount of with both of them. Oh well. We'll see how long it last. I havn't been sick for more than a day in 2 years now, I think.

I've been fooling around with different micing techniques for recording my acoustic guitar today. I discovered something pretty useful: You can rotating the phasing of an audio clip in Adobe Audition. Pretty durn sweet, since I'm doing stereo micing techniques. Now I don't have to fiddle around so much with placement JUST to avoid phase cancellation. Then again, I am recording both channels on seperate tracks, and I kind of like the way that sounds better than having the recording in mono. Sure makes the acoustic sound a lot bigger and more natural.

I really need to stop recording right next to my computer though. Condenser mics pick up the fan noise from my computer loud and clear - very annoying. I suppose it'd be smart if I moved my mixer from being on the top of the PC too, since I'm sure the mics are picking up at least a little noise from the cables. Speaking of cables, I need another 15 footer. I have one already, but since I'm stereo micing, I really need another long one so that I can record further away from the PC.

You know what's really annoying? When you call someone and it's not a good time for them to talk, so they tell you that they will call you later - or the next day - and then they don't. Arg. I've been trying to get in touch with an old friend of mine for the last 2 weeks, and either she won't call me, or when I call her it's not a good time. No, she's not trying to avoid talking with me, I'm sure of it. She's probably just busy, like she always has been.

I think I'll install Adobe Illustrator in a few minutes. Vector graphics = very cool. I'm tired of 3D modeling for the meantime, so vector stuff would be a nice break from it.

Link of the day: CGTalk

Those guys are my heroes.

[bobthecockroach]

Originally Posted by DreamChaser

After about a year of going to a very nice church, and feeling out of place every minute of it, I stopped again. I really don't miss it, either (boy, am I gonna catch a lot of flack for that, haha).

Hey man,

All my experience tells me that the best place to be convinced of the truth is in church. To put a new spin on an old verse:

Matthew 5:14-16
“You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

If you want to find God's light, you have to hang out with His people. If you could come to my church, you'd definitely see it. I would suggest trying to find a church that's really like a family and isn't stuck-up (in other words, they'll admit that they're not perfect and rest on God's grace). You'll probably have better luck at a smaller church.

If you really want to renew your faith, don't give up on church or put off getting back to it.

I think everyone experiences doubt from time to time, but seeing God working in other people (and He does) is a great way to remind yourself that God is truth and that it's not just all brainwashing.

[DreamChaser]

Heya,

Thanks Daniel - I probably will do a little more searching around for a good church after I get settled with a full-time job. The main issue though, is that the church that I was going to for a while was really excellent. The people there were as sweet as could be and very welcoming. It's just that... it seemed were in different worlds. There was only one person there who I was ever nearly 100% being with - with everyone else I always felt like I couldn't be myself because my usual self isn't as "Christian" in appearance, if that makes sense. It almost felt like they considered me a student, and that it was their responsibility to guide me to the way of being the ideal Christian. Not consciously, but nevertheless that is the impression that I recieved.

I don't think I explained that in a way that reflected what I actually meant, but maybe ya'll will get the gist of it.

[SupaNova]

Originally Posted by DreamChaser

Eh.. I wonder if there was a point somewhere up there. Oh, yeah. Here's the jist of it:
I don't want to "shake the brainwashing" because I know that the knowledge gained from this so called "brainwashing" is the truth. How do I know that? I can't explain it. The reason it is scary to me that I might come to disregard Christinity? Again, because I know it's the truth. It's bad enough that I do things knowing they are wrong, but it would be even worse to lose the knowledge of the truth that they ARE wrong.

While I agree with the sentiment, "brain-washing" just sounds like a creepy term to use about aligning oneself with any religion, ha ha. But seriously, I wouldn't put too much emphasis on worring about "forgetting" the truth. You'll doubt, you'll question, but if Christianity is really where your beliefs lie, you'll bounce back eventually. I'm somewhat in that phase right now. Not so much as in I'm questioning Christianity's validity, but rather why I believe what I believe.

If that makes any sense.

[DreamChaser]

Heya,

Originally Posted by SupaNova

While I agree with the sentiment, "brain-washing" just sounds like a creepy term to use about aligning oneself with any religion, ha ha.

Indeed. The reason I'm using that term though, is because that's what most people (who aren't Christians) would consider my belief. A result of being brainwashed by my parents. As if I am completely incapable of independant thought. :stare
That notion is enforced even more due to the fact that I was homeschooled, K-12.

But seriously, I wouldn't put too much emphasis on worring about "forgetting" the truth. You'll doubt, you'll question, but if Christianity is really where your beliefs lie, you'll bounce back eventually. I'm somewhat in that phase right now. Not so much as in I'm questioning Christianity's validity, but rather why I believe what I believe.

If that makes any sense.

Yes, it does. I guess every Christian goes through those phases. I think the reason that I'm more worried now than at any other moment in my life thus far, is because of all the people I know who are my age that have disreguarded Christianity. I look around and I see all these great people who have changed so dramatically in the last 2 or so years, and it's kinda freaky. I know I'm more stable than that, but it never hurts to be on your toes I suppose.

I just got done playing some CS. Yes, the REAL Counter-Strike. Not this CS:Source junk.

Here's a fact: Counter-Strike is infinately greater than any Halo will ever be.

I really don't understand the whole Halo hype. I've been playing Halo 2 on xbox live recently, and I'm REALLY not impressed. It's more frusterating than fun. I'm sorry, but sneaking up behind someone and shooting them with an entire clip from an SMG, point blank, and then having them jump in the air and blow you away with a few shots... that's kinda wierd. I prefer games that at least PRETEND to be realistic.

Then again, it is a sci-fi shooter.

I need to learn how to record my electric guitar so that it's more impressive sounding. It always sounds weak. I'll have to fool around with mic placement and EQing it differently. I'm open to suggestions.

I tried playing around with Linux (Ubuntu) today, using VMware. It's pretty cool, but also not cool. I really wish that somoene would write a Linux OS that is somewhat close to being as easy to use as Windows. I am by no means computer illiterate. I am A+, Net+ and MCSA certified. I've been messing with computers for about as long as I can remember. Now, you might think: "well, why is he having such a hard time with Linux then, if he's so smart." - I would answer with: "It's not that I am having a hard time with it, but I really don't feel like messing with something that takes so much time to learn, when I can do practically anything in Windows without having to research it first."

Of course, that's because I use Windows all the time. If I had been using Linux for the same length of time, I wouldn't be having any issue whatsoever. I just don't feel like putting a lot of energy into learning something totally different. Maybe SkyOS will become a more thoroughly supported OS someday.

I am currently running an application to convert 14 or so episodes of School Rumble xVid avi's to an updated version of Xvid. For some reason those perticular episodes don't run correctly in our DVD player.

It's nice to have a CD/DVD burner. Beats using my brother's PC to burn CDs.

[SupaNova]

Originally Posted by DreamChaser

Yes, it does. I guess every Christian goes through those phases. I think the reason that I'm more worried now than at any other moment in my life thus far, is because of all the people I know who are my age that have disreguarded Christianity. I look around and I see all these great people who have changed so dramatically in the last 2 or so years, and it's kinda freaky. I know I'm more stable than that, but it never hurts to be on your toes I suppose.

That's true.

I really don't understand the whole Halo hype. I've been playing Halo 2 on xbox live recently, and I'm REALLY not impressed. It's more frusterating than fun. I'm sorry, but sneaking up behind someone and shooting them with an entire clip from an SMG, point blank, and then having them jump in the air and blow you away with a few shots... that's kinda wierd. I prefer games that at least PRETEND to be realistic.

Well, at least Halo 2 got rid of that stupid pistol that could kill you in one shot from the other freakin side of the level.

I tried playing around with Linux (Ubuntu) today, using VMware. It's pretty cool, but also not cool. I really wish that somoene would write a Linux OS that is somewhat close to being as easy to use as Windows. I am by no means computer illiterate. I am A+, Net+ and MCSA certified. I've been messing with computers for about as long as I can remember. Now, you might think: "well, why is he having such a hard time with Linux then, if he's so smart." - I would answer with: "It's not that I am having a hard time with it, but I really don't feel like messing with something that takes so much time to learn, when I can do practically anything in Windows without having to research it first."

I've never messed with Linux, but it sounds like I'm not missing too much, heh.

So do you record a lot of music or is it more of a small-time hobby?

[DreamChaser]

Heya,

Originally Posted by SupaNova

That's true.
Well, at least Halo 2 got rid of that stupid pistol that could kill you in one shot from the other freakin side of the level.

I kind of liked that pistol. - They could have at least made the one in Halo 2 a LITTLE useful. You're better off with practically any other weapon though.

I've never messed with Linux, but it sounds like I'm not missing too much, heh.

True dat. It seems cool and all, but it's just not practical enough for me to dump the necessary amount of time into, just to get it to work the way I'd like.

So do you record a lot of music or is it more of a small-time hobby?

More like a big-time hobby. - I've been playing guitar for 4 years or so, and since I never had anyone to play with, I naturally came to the conclusion that I would just have to play with myself. So, I started getting more and more involved and recording. Recently I've been collecting better gear for it, other than cheap direct line-in junk. I really love it. I wish I had discovered it about 6 years ago, haha. If I had, I'm sure I'd have made it my profession.

Simple and straightforward answer: Playing guitar and recording is a big hobby of mine. I've recently teamed up with a friend of mine who is a fantastic vocalist/songwriter (and a mediocre guitarist) forming a project/band kind of thing.

I have a soundclick site Here. Most of the stuff on it is pretty old, besides "Blowfly". It's an incomplete song, as there will be vocals in the final product, as well as additional instrument tracks, but it's the best recording I've done to date.

[SupaNova]

Originally Posted by Dreamchaser

I kind of liked that pistol. - They could have at least made the one in Halo 2 a LITTLE useful. You're better off with practically any other weapon though.

Sure, it's not that great by itself, but pick up two pistols....

Actually, I think the dual weapons system made just about every pathetic weapon from the first Halo much better in the second one. I really like grabbing two needlers and then cornering some poor soul with them.

More like a big-time hobby. - I've been playing guitar for 4 years or so, and since I never had anyone to play with, I naturally came to the conclusion that I would just have to play with myself. So, I started getting more and more involved and recording. Recently I've been collecting better gear for it, other than cheap direct line-in junk. I really love it. I wish I had discovered it about 6 years ago, haha. If I had, I'm sure I'd have made it my profession.

I was also thinking about getting into the recording profession for a while (I even went so far as to buy a book about the profession), but there are too many factors around me that pretty much crush such a dream, oh well. I've been thinking of looking into getting some recording gear for a while. Nothing too fancy, I mostly just want to make a decent demo of some songs (which would most likely never see the light of day again ). Speaking of which, what kind of set up are you currently using?

I have a soundclick site Here. Most of the stuff on it is pretty old, besides "Blowfly". It's an incomplete song, as there will be vocals in the final product, as well as additional instrument tracks, but it's the best recording I've done to date.

So far I've listened to the first three songs, you sound very talented. Only four years you say? I've been playing for about five years and I'm still mostly fumbling around on basic chords, ha ha.

[DreamChaser]

Heya,

Originally Posted by SupaNova

Sure, it's not that great by itself, but pick up two pistols....

Actually, I think the dual weapons system made just about every pathetic weapon from the first Halo much better in the second one. I really like grabbing two needlers and then cornering some poor soul with them.

True. The main problem with the duel-wielding setup, for me, is that I use the Southpaw button configuration. That means that L is fire, instead of R. I can't hit SQUAT while using the default configuration. Now, the problem comes in when you're duel-wielding. Normally you use L to shoot the left gun and R to shoot the right one, but when you're using the southpaw button config, R shoots the LEFT gun and L shoots the LEFT gun. Sometime that can be very bad. Especially when duel-wielding very different weapons, such as the plasma pistol and an automatic weapon. It gets really annoying, accidentally shooting the wrong weapon.

As a result, I usually don't duel-wield.

I was also thinking about getting into the recording profession for a while (I even went so far as to buy a book about the profession), but there are too many factors around me that pretty much crush such a dream, oh well.

Aw man. That's a bummer. - what do you do now as a profession, or what are you planning to do in the future?

I've been thinking of looking into getting some recording gear for a while. Nothing too fancy, I mostly just want to make a decent demo of some songs (which would most likely never see the light of day again ). Speaking of which, what kind of set up are you currently using?

I'm using my computer to do the actual recording. Soundcard is an Audigy 2 Platinum (with the good ol'e front audio panel). It's not the greatest thing for recording, but it's done suprisingly well for me so far.
I have 3 mics that I use consistantly. An MXL 2003 large diaphragm condenser mic (cost a little under $100), a Groove Tube GT Convertible small diaphragm condenser mic (I got that for $80, due to it being the floor model. Awesome deal), and then I use a Sennheiser e609 instrument dynamic mic ($110). I have a cheap Berhinger Eurorack UB802 mixer - which supplies phantom power for my condenser mics. I really should get a good two-channel tube pre-amp though. Oh. My guitars. - I have a Martin D16GTE acoustic, and then I have two electrics. A Fender American Stratocaster (used), and an Ibanez AG85 hallowbody. I run both into my Crate Palomino V16 tube-amp. Contrary to the usual Crate products, this one is actually quite fantastic.

So far I've listened to the first three songs, you sound very talented.

Well, I appreciate it a lot. - the only song on my soundclick site that was recorded within a year's time from today is the Blowfly one, by the way. Everyone else on there is pretty old. Recorded direct into my computer with my acoustic, which always sounds bad, haha.

Only four years you say? I've been playing for about five years and I'm still mostly fumbling around on basic chords, ha ha.

About 4 years. Probably more like 4 years and 3 months, in reality. I had taken lessons for 3 of those years, and just recently stopped due to finacial issues - plus, I feel like I really wasn't getting anything from them anymore. It made me a heck of a lot better though, and the main reason is because I walked away with a good working knowledge of music theory. MAJOR good thing to know.

[DreamChaser]

Heya,

I recieved a call from Manpower Professional (of which I am an employee) earlier today, and it looks like a VERY appealing job position has been cancelled. I'm pretty crushed by that, as it would have been a dream come true, to have gotten the position. I don't have any other prospective jobs lined up, and nor do I have any idea how to get them. I could just wait and hope that Manpower throws something else my way, but I very much doubt that they'd have something which can take the place of a full-time job. Unless I get really lucky or something.

Arg. I feel really clueless about the whole finding-a-job thing. I don't know what I'm doing, and when I ask anyone, they just tell me to apply at as many places as I can think of. Oh, sure. That's a great help.

I really have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing about all this.

[flamingoRenee]

Hey,
I guess I'll become a regular poster in your blog. I just randomly chose someone and it happened to be you!! So I'm glad you are a generous and hard worker. And I hope your blog doesn't get kicked off, cause I'd love to hear more from you.
~R