When to start seriously talking about marriage?

metropolis4 · 02-14-2006, 12:50 PM

Hello,
I am struggling with this right now. My girlfriend and I have only been dating for a short time, but things have moved a lot faster than either of us expected them to! And I'm talking about in a spiritual and emotional sense not in a physical sense...
We've only been dating for about 6 months, and my rational side keeps telling me that that is WAY to soon to start talking about marriage! But I think that mostly comes from that being what my thoughts always were before this ( I used to counsel people to date for at least a year before talking about marriage). But when everything seems so right, and we can both tell that God is moving us I start to think 'why wait'? I know this person extremely well, we've been with each other through a lot of different phases of life already, and we have a deep understanding of each other. (The story about how we got together is pretty crazy if anyone would like to hear about it

)
I am deep in prayer with this right now, but I'm just wondering what some peoples thoughts and opinion on this are.
When do you know it's the right time?

**Epaphras** · 02-14-2006, 01:08 PM

Since it's not in your profile, how old are you? How old is she?

Are you in any position financially to be getting married?

Have you sought the counsel of goldly people in your life, such as pastors, parents, older church members who know both of you well, etc? If so, what are their thoughts? If not, why not? Do you have people like that?

Oh yeah, PM me about how you got together -- I'm a hopeless romantic

metropolis4 · 02-14-2006, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Epaphras

Since it's not in your profile, how old are you? How old is she?

Are you in any position financially to be getting married?

Have you sought the counsel of goldly people in your life, such as pastors, parents, older church members who know both of you well, etc? If so, what are their thoughts? If not, why not? Do you have people like that?

Oh yeah, PM me about how you got together -- I'm a hopeless romantic

I'm 25 and she's 23. The financial question is a hard one to answer right now because we are both about to graduate from college and move to a new city. Actually being married would help some of the financial stress of this process (living together would be nice since we're both looking for room mates

).
We've both been talking to family a lot, and they are very supportive. Her Father is a minister and she has been talking with him a lot. I am hoping to have some time to really sit down with some other people and talk about this (In particular a man who is a music pastor who has been a mentor to me for some time now).
I'm kinda new on here, how do I send a PM?

**Sean** · 02-14-2006, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by metropolis4

I'm 25 and she's 23.

You're certainly old enough to be talking about marraige after 6 months. I'm growing more and more frustrated with odd Christian traditions. There is certainly nothing in the Bible that tells us we have to wait a year before we start talking about marriage. As best I can tell it comes from viewing marriage and spouse hunting from a consumer mind set. Its as if the first year of dating is just a test drive to see if you want to buy that particular model. Its such a pragmatic way of treating something like a relationship. Dating for a year doesn't magically make you love the person or God and certainly doesnt' mean you magicaly have their best interests on the mind. It would actually strike me that you have your own best interests on hand (I have to find THE RIGHT ONE!). If both individuals are striving to love Christ and love one another, you can over come the little problems the every marriage inevitalbly has.

christian_boy_7 · 02-14-2006, 02:24 PM

i know a couple who got married (i'm almost certain) after only 3 months of dating. they've been married for probably 20 years now. i guess if its meant to be it'll happen.

btw, you send a PM by clicking on the theron's name (beside the post) and it should be the second option

God Bless
†cussbus†

Kati · 02-15-2006, 05:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by christian_boy_7

i know a couple who got married (i'm almost certain) after only 3 months of dating.

My aunt and uncle were married after six months of "dating," three of which consisted only of writing letters back and forth because they were in different states. They've been married 42 years, and are still very much in love. On the other hand, some friends of mine dated for five years, got married, and got divorced after two. There's no magic formula; it depends on you two.

Dave H · 02-15-2006, 06:09 AM

If you feel that God is saying this is right, then the timing doesn't matter. I asked my wife to marry me after only 5 months of "official dating". I completely agree with Sean that americans typically have odd "rules" about dating and marriage when it comes to length of time in regards to dating/courtship.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 02-15-2006, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by metropolis4

I'm 25 and she's 23. The financial question is a hard one to answer right now because we are both about to graduate from college and move to a new city. Actually being married would help some of the financial stress of this process (living together would be nice since we're both looking for room mates

).
We've both been talking to family a lot, and they are very supportive. Her Father is a minister and she has been talking with him a lot. I am hoping to have some time to really sit down with some other people and talk about this (In particular a man who is a music pastor who has been a mentor to me for some time now).
I'm kinda new on here, how do I send a PM?

For me as someone roughly your age who got married last year. Finances got a heck of a lot easier. Also, money shouldn't be a deciding factor really. It'll burn.

Chris · 02-15-2006, 11:04 AM

I proposed to Dana when we'd been going out for roughly 10 months. A little over a year after that, we were married. Everyone we told could hardly believe it. Most people thought we were too young. But I'm telling you there is no right or wrong [size](barring certain situations)[/size] to the length of the pre-engagement period, the age of the people, and all that jazz. You don't have to be together for 4+ years, you don't have to be late twenties, early thirties, and you don't have to be financially gifted to make things work. Chances are your first home will have something wrong with it (that nobody caught before you bought it) and jigger up that nice, plump, juicy savings acount as it is. Or something else could happen too.

thedemonhunter · 02-16-2006, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by christian_boy_7

i know a couple who got married (i'm almost certain) after only 3 months of dating. they've been married for probably 20 years now. i guess if its meant to be it'll happen.

I know a guy who knew he wanted to marry his wife after just one week. That's proof that if it feels right and you pray about it, it probably is meant to be/work out. (My girlfriend and me are already thinking about getting married eventually - and we've only known each other for about 3 months!)

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 02-16-2006, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thedemonhunter

I know a guy who knew he wanted to marry his wife after just one week. That's proof that if it feels right and you pray about it, it probably is meant to be/work out. (My girlfriend and me are already thinking about getting married eventually - and we've only known each other for about 3 months!)

Thats really bad. I don't know what to say, but after such a short time there is not aa ood foundation. You and Izzy are young, I would encourage you to wait until the relationship has a deeper basis.

thedemonhunter · 02-17-2006, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

Thats really bad. I don't know what to say, but after such a short time there is not aa ood foundation. You and Izzy are young, I would encourage you to wait until the relationship has a deeper basis.

Okay we're off topic but I just have to say: we both feel God has led us to each other, the odds of us meeting are super low, and I never said we would get married now, of course we'll wait till the relationship is stronger

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 02-17-2006, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thedemonhunter

Okay we're off topic but I just have to say: we both feel God has led us to each other, the odds of us meeting are super low, and I never said we would get married now, of course we'll wait till the relationship is stronger

the odds of any two people meeting are low. Talking about marriage too soon gives false expectations on the relationship. Being certain too soon is a bad thing.

Novan_Leon · 02-20-2006, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thedemonhunter

I know a guy who knew he wanted to marry his wife after just one week. That's proof that if it feels right and you pray about it, it probably is meant to be/work out. (My girlfriend and me are already thinking about getting married eventually - and we've only known each other for about 3 months!)

I know a couple who were married after dating for just three days, they've been happily married 26+ years.

It just shows you there is not "formula" for making good decisions, it's all about submitting things to God and praying for understanding.