Do we, as Christians, set our standards too high?

jimbolya · 02-07-2006, 06:32 PM

Hi there folks, I don't know whether this has been covered yet or not but something that has been bugging me for a while is the thought that as Christians, naturally wanting to better ourselves do we get lost in the superficiality of looking for a "soul-mate" or that perfect person, and does that person have a particular look/body shape/face/personality.

Being totally honest with you guys, I'm 22, overweight, rough round the edges, but only find girls who are of an "above average" beauty attractive. Anyone else i find myself being a critical of (in my head, not out loud)

I know this is shallow and i find it hard to contend with.

just wanted to know others thoughts/similarities/disagreements/help?

HolyRockJfreak · 02-07-2006, 07:42 PM

I'll add a short thought...and add some more later...I know I do sometimes.....and I have to realize that they'll never be a perfect girl out there.....but I guess I set my standards high....but then again a girl would have to be pretty impressive to put up with me.....much less go for me...

**Epaphras** · 02-07-2006, 08:42 PM

There's an old saying out there, "May God bless a man in his search for the perfect woman. May God bless him even more when he has to live with her."

mtcatch · 02-08-2006, 09:30 AM

It's a tough situation, for sure. One I think everyone deals with. However, I have every reason to believe that our "high standards" are the only option. Why settle? I know everyone says it, but it's true. There will be a girl who not only do you find amazing, but who also finds you amazing (and physcial attraction is not only determined by physical looks, Thank God). We set those high standards so that we don't waste our time, dating just to date. God knows what we want, and what we need. He'll always give us what we need, which, luckily, will end up being better than what we thought we wanted. God likes to amaze us.

So don't worry about it.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 02-08-2006, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbolya

Hi there folks, I don't know whether this has been covered yet or not but something that has been bugging me for a while is the thought that as Christians, naturally wanting to better ourselves do we get lost in the superficiality of looking for a "soul-mate" or that perfect person, and does that person have a particular look/body shape/face/personality.

Being totally honest with you guys, I'm 22, overweight, rough round the edges, but only find girls who are of an "above average" beauty attractive. Anyone else i find myself being a critical of (in my head, not out loud)

I know this is shallow and i find it hard to contend with.

just wanted to know others thoughts/similarities/disagreements/help?

I think we often don't set our standards high enough. However, standards regarding appearance are pointless to a large degree. people change. When my wife and I met, I was cut. Right now, Im 20 pounds overweight. (trying to lose that for her...)

Anyway, thats a poor way to judge people. The thing you need to do is change yourself and how you look at people.

bobthecockroach · 02-10-2006, 09:59 AM

I don't think the problem has anything to do with standards. I think we place too much emphasis on initial impressions. The way you see someone the day you meet them will not necessarily be how you see them for the rest of your life. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and love is blind. Bad connection, I know, but the point is that someone can be beautiful because you love them. I'm not altogether convinced that's a bad thing either. I know I'll take some flak for that statement because people would rather be beautiful objectively than subjectively, but I'm not altogether convinced objective beauty exists anyway.

Jc · 02-10-2006, 10:47 AM

You can have standards, but an important task is to measure yourself against your standards. If you want a girl that will serve your hand and foot, but you aren't willing to do anything for her, you need to do some major adjusting of your attitude.

If you want a girl that will sit and love on you till you're happy but not love on her when she needs you because you're busy. Odds are you'll be single for the rest of your life.

As a dear friend of mine says "Beauty is only a light switch away". It doesn't last so forget it.

guitarzan21 · 02-10-2006, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jc

You can have standards, but an important task is to measure yourself against your standards. If you want a girl that will serve your hand and foot, but you aren't willing to do anything for her, you need to do some major adjusting of your attitude.

If you want a girl that will sit and love on you till you're happy but not love on her when she needs you because you're busy. Odds are you'll be single for the rest of your life.

As a dear friend of mine says "Beauty is only a light switch away". It doesn't last so forget it.

This is exactly what I was going to say. If you have standards set (not just focusing on physical standards), but you better be what you are hoping for.

Not just that, but be patient. If you are trusting God for that perfect man or women God has two people to deal with. It's not just a waiting game, but you are being prepared as well for this relationship.

SCCdcTFreak · 02-12-2006, 03:51 AM

I have to echo what most have said on here. I always maintained high standards while dating, and at times even thought "why am I being so tough on these women? There's so many out there and if I don't lax my standards a bit, I'm going to miss out." But what did I do? I actually just didn't worry about it. And as cliche as it sounds, the moment I became content in my singleness, my wife walked into my life. The moral of this story is, just hang in there. She's out there. God DOES know what you need even more than what you want, and He will absolutely blow your socks off. I'm praying for you man, 'cuz I know it's a tough road to go down.

Thanks for letting me rant,
† <>< Stephen

domnastics · 02-12-2006, 08:44 AM

Best advice I got when I went off to college:
"Remember, if you meet a girl that's not up to your standards, just lower your standards." --my best friend Matt

Pre-Ex-Girlfriend · 02-12-2006, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jc

As a dear friend of mine says "Beauty is only a light switch away". It doesn't last so forget it.

I don't exactly get the same meaning as you from that saying.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bob

...the point is that someone can be beautiful because you love them. I'm not altogether convinced that's a bad thing either. I know I'll take some flak for that statement because people would rather be beautiful objectively than subjectively, but I'm not altogether convinced objective beauty exists anyway.

No flak given here. I totally agree. I've experienced this many times. I find a guy physically attractive, and when I get to know him, he is suddenly not so good looking. Or I don't find a guy physically appealing until I get to know him.

To jimboyla: I guess I don't see the connection between being a Christian and wanting an above average-looking girl/guy. To me the two don't have anything to do with eachother.

Dr. Worm · 02-12-2006, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emo_Rachael

I don't exactly get the same meaning as you from that saying.

I was wondering if someone would mention this...

OctaviusIII · 02-13-2006, 03:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by domnastics

Best advice I got when I went off to college:
"Remember, if you meet a girl that's not up to your standards, just lower your standards." --my best friend Matt

better advice than I got, which was something along the lines of (but quite a good deal more vulgar), "Have a lot of sex". This I got from my uncle's best friend. Awkward, to say the least.

But anyway, back to the topic at hand. I've found that generally my standards are somewhat fluid and are really more based on personality than on looks, and I think that that's somewhat normal. Women for me become more or less attractive the closer I am to them emotionally, with exceptions being found in those that are happily and fully out of reach, like those that are taken and I know are happy in their relationship.

streetsofgold · 02-14-2006, 08:19 AM

lol emo_rachael's right. you'll most likely regret getting to know a gorgeous looking person (yeah i say this from alot of my friend's experiences). this is what one of our youth leaders suggested: write a list about what kind of personality you would want in your future wife/husband, then pray about it everyday. the next step is to trust Jesus to give you someone beautiful. remember, in God's eyes all His creations are beautiful.

but while you're waiting, don't let the thought of that future woman hinder you from serving God. while you're single, use your time in doing things that would glorify God.

uhhh read this book 'i kissed dating goodbye' by joshua harris...it says that "every realtionship is another opportunity to show love as Christ did." ..dont worry, this book wont teach you how to date.

Novan_Leon · 02-14-2006, 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

I don't think the problem has anything to do with standards. I think we place too much emphasis on initial impressions. The way you see someone the day you meet them will not necessarily be how you see them for the rest of your life. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and love is blind. Bad connection, I know, but the point is that someone can be beautiful because you love them. I'm not altogether convinced that's a bad thing either. I know I'll take some flak for that statement because people would rather be beautiful objectively than subjectively, but I'm not altogether convinced objective beauty exists anyway.

Objectivity is overrated. (See Romans 14) Note: this is not to say that truth doesn't exist but, rather, many terms and ideas that people have are subjective (most are) and in these cases there are to real absolutes. But I digress...

Jimbo, I understand exactly where your coming from, I'm in a simliar frame of mind as yourself. My standards for beauty are high but I've determined not to worry about it. The Lord knows me better than I know myself, and if He decides to bring a wife/sweetheart into my life, it will happen, and I know I'll be happy (even if He needs to change me to make it happen). Meanwhile I keep my high standards and continue being happy and single.