[+SEAL+]

Okay, here's one that I've just written up, you could consider it any number of genres...alternative, acoustic, screamo...

As they fall they sting my eyes like crystal shards
From a crystal cage that glistens in the stars
Remember, remember the heart that once beat
Remember the cries of the children tomorrow
See the porcelain feet

This is the elegy of '73
Who we are is a ghost of a once and future past
Who we were is who we'll never be
We are the people shattered into glass

As I walk they sting my feet like knives so sharp
As the blood is spilled from me in nights of dark
Remember, remember the tears that were cried
Remember that all of us promise to follow
As hearts are killed inside

This is the elegy of '73
Who we are is a ghost of a once and future past
Who we were is who we'll never be
We are the people shattered into glass

As I think it stings my heart like ugly scars
Knowing how we all have come to sin so far
Remember, remember the times that we died
Remember the ones who are hollow
Don't let them say we never tried

This is the elegy of '73
Who we are is a ghost of a once and future past
Who we was is who we'll never be
We are the people shattered into glass

[instrumental]

Ora pro nobis
Ora pro nobis
We face the coldness
Ora pro nobis

This is the elegy of '73
Who we are is a ghost of a once and future past
Who we were is who we'll never be
We are the people shattered into glass

This is the elegy of '73
Try to escape the ghost of a once and future past
Who we are is who we'll never be
No longer the people shattered into glass

Glass...

[+SEAL+]

Okay, imagine this as an acoustic/indie sort of song.
_________________________________
Verse 1
Fairy dust and fairy wings
Were once more than passing things
You used to lie there in your bed
Singing ballads in your head

The night has passed and dreams go cold
And we must all do what we're told
But I can tell that you aren't sold

Pre-Chorus
And I can tell you're scared right now
And you're too scared to ask me how
How your world came crashing into dust

Chorus
If there is one thing you must learn
It's that we're not angels, but we're not demons
Even though your dreams may burn
Know that Love can save you, through the eons

Verse 2
Hugs and kisses and such things
Used to give you magic wings
And fairy tales inside your head
Kept you awake in your soft bed

The dawn has passed and hearts grow cold
And you don't do what you are told
You're sick of trying to be bold

Pre-Chorus
And I can tell you're scared right now
And you're too scared to ask me how
How your world came crashing into dust

Chorus
If there is one thing you must learn
It's that we're not angels, but we're not demons
Even though your dreams may burn
Know that Love can save you, through the eons

If there is one thing you must learn
It's that we're not angels, but we're not demons
Even though your dreams may burn
Know that Love can save you, through the eons

Verse 3
You've dreamt of princes and gold rings,
The moonlight promises they bring
Just like in stories that you read
And now you cry because they're dead

You watch him pass and you grow cold
Remembering what he was told
You said he can't have you to hold

Chorus
If there is one thing you must learn
It's that we're not angels, but we're not demons
Even though your dreams may burn
Know that Love can save you, through the eons

If there is one thing you must learn
It's that we're not angels, but we're not demons
Even though your dreams may burn
Know that Love can save you, through the eons

Know that Love can save you, through the eons
Know that Love can save you, through the eons
Through the eons

[The wirerat]

I like this a lot. I would love to hear this as a song. When are you recording this?

[+SEAL+]

As of now, I'm probably not in a situation to record. But I'll see if I can whip something up. Just warning you, though, I've got a very bad quality laptop microphone, and that's it.

Thanks for the review!

[The wirerat]

I can recommend a pretty good mic, if you're interested. I've recorded acoustic guitar on it before, but not electric. Also there are a couple good free recording programs out there. I'm currently trying to get some better equipment right now. Money is tight for me right now and if you record, its very necessary.

[+SEAL+]

Hmm...well, this kinda started out as a nice acoustic number, but after the second chorus, it kinda morphed into a power metal sort of epic song. And then back to acoustic at the end. So, let me know what you think.
_______________________
Library lullabies and noisy charades meet at sunset
All that I ever have done echoes with my regrets
Once the highwayman, now I am the loner
All of my life has hinged upon four-leaf clovers

Ride away into the sunset
A showdown at high noon
Forgive me all of my transgressions
So I know I'll be with you soon

Time slowly ticks away as we meet with interest
All that we've ever done melts beneath the rest
The highwayman came riding, riding over
At least, that's what I wish, but that won't go far

Ride away into the sunset
A showdown at high noon
Forgive me all of my transgressions
So I know I'll be with you soon

The wind blows in a torrent of darkness,
The moon sails on a stormy sea
As I ride a ribbon of moonlight
And I wonder if you're watching for me

Oh, no longer the highwayman I,
That life is what I cannot be
Yet I come humbly to your side
And pray that you can accept me

Ride away into the sunset
A showdown at high noon
Forgive me all of my transgressions
So I know I'll be with you soon

Ride away into the sunset
A showdown at high noon
Forgive me all of my transgressions
So I know I'll be with you soon

Once the highwayman, now I am the loner
All of my life has hinged upon four-leaf clovers

[rock_show_host]

Wow. I absolutely love this. It's beautifully written and consistent throughout -- I especially like the chorus. I don't know what you have in mind for the music, but I think it'd work just as nicely as an all-acoustic number. Either way I'd love to hear it played. Excellent work!

[+SEAL+]

Wow...yeah, I just wrote this in one shot, based on just...what my heart has been pouring out. This is dedicated to a good friend of mine. Alternative/emo.
_________________________
You told me that death is your life
Dear friend, I have to let you know
The pain which stabs you with its knife
Is sucking you into its undertow
Two thousand miles away never felt so far
Ever since you showed me that you had named your star

Stand firm, dear Hope
(Did I ever tell you that I loved you?)
Have faith in one thing
(See the shining sky above you)
Death comes and goes
(As I see it sink into you)
God's Love overthrows
(Here's another road for you)

I know that his death was your life
Dear friend, one tear-struck year ago
The same pain stabbed me with that knife
But all your hurt, I'll never know
That torture that your heart has felt so far
Look up and see the light that shines from your star

Stand firm, dear Hope
(Did I ever tell you that I loved you?)
Have faith in one thing
(See the shining sky above you)
Death comes and goes
(As I see it sink into you)
God's Love overthrows
(Here's another road for you)

Two thousand miles, two thousand tears
Two thousand screams, two thousand fears
All are as nothing to love

Stand firm, dear Hope
(Did I ever tell you that I loved you?)
Have faith in one thing
(See the shining sky above you)
Death comes and goes
(As I see it sink into you)
God's Love overthrows
(Here's another road for you)

Dear Hope, dear Hope
Did I ever tell you, I love you
Dear Hope, dear Hope
Know, know that Heaven loves you too

[EKCender429]

"ever since you showed me you named your star"
Whats that supposed to mean?


And also, i didnt really like the parts where you said Dear,Friend

[Nate]

Death, pain, stabbing knives, tears, night etc are all kind of tired themes in emo / alternative songs, I think, so nothing here really stands out to me as either good or bad... just more of the same.

However...

Originally Posted by +SEAL+

Two thousand miles away never felt so far

... is very interesting. It's either really really bad writing or really good ironic writing (after all, shouldn't "two thousand miles" feel "so far"?). This is the most interesting line to me.

[+SEAL+]

Originally Posted by EKCender429

"ever since you showed me you named your star"
Whats that supposed to mean?

Ah, yes, that's right...that was actually based on something my friend actually told me...it's complicated, but it basically has a lot to do with her. Yeah...there's a story behind all of this.

[+SEAL+]

Yeah, looking at this again...I think I'm gonna rewrite this in a little bit, explaining some things, removing the cliché.

[+SEAL+]

Okay, so I'm on a sorta Coheed and Cambria binge, so it's spilling over into my music. So now I'm going to attempt to make a story album (actually, I'm looking at a trilogy) about a fairly well-known story. I'll also make a thread with links to each song in the album. Anyway, this one's basically metal.
Tale of the Nine Discussion
________________________
There are no travelers in this land
(So speak up, speak up)
Speak your truth from where you stand
(And don't stop, don't stop)
Sit and follow my command
(Don't lie to me)
Tell me of your story

Are you servants of the dark or of the light?
Are you servants of the dark or of the light?

Seven there were; one we lost
And now we are all leaderless companions
Two we are; we paid the cost
Our fate has wrought destruction

Why do you travel in this land
(Come, speak up, speak up)
We have an errand in our hands
(So why stop, why stop)
Our wills are not for your commands
(Don't defy me)
We'll tell a story

Are you servants of the dark or of the light?
Are you servants of the dark or of the light?

Seven there were; one we lost
And now we are all leaderless companions
Two we are; we paid the cost
Our fate has wrought destruction

[Phase change, breakdown of sorts, into progressive sound]

I tell a tale of sorrow and betrayal
Are you servants of the dark or of the light?
I tell a tale of darkness and of peril
Are you servants of the dark or of the light?
I tell a tale of beauty and of horror
I tell a story of your brother

[Long, extended instrumental outro]

[+SEAL+]

Yeah, this is a bit different from my previous stuff, so I figured I'd have a thread with links to the songs in my project, the concept album Tale of the Nine. If you have any comments about the idea in general, or about the story, post them here.

The Cave of Sunset
The Ranger and the Halfling
Counsel of a Friend
O Elbereth Gilthoniel
Sanctuary

[+SEAL+]

Tale of the Nine: The Main Thread
Okay, this is also a very epic song, continuing the story.
__________________________________
Darkness surrounds us in this last guard of the Light
Entrapping, pursuing us, and chasing us to flight
We saw our fates unfold in the mirror where we had seen
The nightmares, the nightmares, that haunt our darkest dreams

We are the fugitives
We flee the night
Now you must protect us
Please aid our flight

The riders follow us and darker forces wait
Great armies ready arms, prepare to unleash hate
Please let us go from here, go onward our our quest
We've weathered many storms, we've survived many tests

We are the fugitives
We flee the night
Now you must protect us
Please aid our flight

I see your heart is noble
I see your face is fair

Please, sir, please shelter us this time
Ask no more questions of us, if you are kind
We must be gone from here, onward on the road
We have not faltered yet, to our course we must hold

We are the fugitives
We flee the night
Now you must protect us
Please aid our flight

But I must know your story
Strange creatures from the North
Seeming children, truly men
Where is it your story ends?

We are the fugitives
We flee the night
Now you must protect us
Please aid our flight

Please aid our flight