[drjekyll2003]

wow,the lyrics are really catchy just to read.I could almost imagine the music in my head(or at least the beat) which helped. Good job.

[+SEAL+]

Hmm..."Recall"...I'm trying to think of something with the same rhythm that fits and means about the same thing...

[+SEAL+]

Okay, this one's screamo, like Underoath.

Intro:
Now and at the hour of our death
It's time to behold the hour of our death
Prepare for the hour of our death
Stay with us

Verse 1:
This life creeps in its petty pace today
Again I think I've lost the race today
Georgie Porgie's dead and it's time for us to play
There's something oddly familiar about this play

Pre-Chorus:
Tomorrow screams
And tomorrow gleams
And tomorrow seems to creep along

Chorus:
Now and at the hour of our death
The clouds are naming the hour of our death
I live in fear of the hour of our death
Pray for us

Verse 2:
I creep by in this petty pace from day to day
The sun's stopped shining ever since it ceased to be day
We still asked mother if we may, if we may
Playing lovesick games of charades in May

Pre-Chorus:
Tomorrow screams
And tomorrow gleams
And tomorrow seems to creep along

Chorus:
Now and at the hour of our death
The clouds are naming the hour of our death
I live in fear of the hour of our death
Pray for us

[intense interlude]

Bridge:
It's time to get out of this dungeon
And time to blast out of the canyon
It's time to see that our dreams are gone
And time to forsake all our nightmares

We fell in love with the animal
Now we've paid and we're hysterical

Save us
(Save us)
Save us
(Save us)
Mistrust
(We must)
Escape from all of this

Pre-Chorus:
Tomorrow screams
And tomorrow gleams
And tomorrow seems to creep along

Chorus:
Now and at the hour of our death
The clouds are naming the hour of our death
I live in fear of the hour of our death
Pray for us

Pray for us
Pray for us

[AudioAUnderdog]

I like it. The chorus kind of reminds me of the Hail Mary. That's kinda cool, I've never heard that in a screamo song.

[+SEAL+]

Well, here's one that came out of the chorus. Hardcore/screamo. The italicized parts are intended to be screamed. The rest is sung.

Verse 1:
You're ready now to give up everything
On the brink of having anything you ever wanted
You smile so hollowly
Among the faceless zombies

You crossed the line
You're running out of time

You watch the ticking grenade
Of hollow dreams under your pillow
You lit the fuse

Light shines upon you one last time
I pray you live to see the nightmares die

Chorus:
You crossed the line
You're running out of time
Dousing the fire within
You built a monument to sin

You faced defeat
You say it tastes so sweet
You sit and hedge your bets
Don't feel the golden walls close in

Verse 2:
Golden walls surround your prison
Tonight, tonight
Drink the cup that you've prepared yourself
Tonight, tonight

Let all the shadows fall away
Stand back and let the nightmares die

Rehearse your scenes
You hopeless nicotine

Chorus:
You crossed the line
You're running out of time
Dousing the fire within
You built a monument to sin

You faced defeat
You say it tastes so sweet
You sit and hedge your bets
Don't feel the golden walls close in

Verse 3:
Pay the piper coming for you
Because he's singing a new tune
It's time for you to come out
And meet your maker

They say hope
Is the anchor to a life
A life of nothing
Nothing but the darkest dreams

Find your hope
Anchor your life today
Your life is something
More than your darkest dreams

Chorus:
You crossed the line
You're running out of time
Dousing the fire within
You built a monument to sin

You faced defeat
You say it tastes so sweet
You sit and hedge your bets
Don't feel the golden walls close in

Outro:
Recross the line
And take back all your time
Ignite the fire within
Destroy your monuments to sin

No more defeat
Victory tastes so sweet
You've lost all of your bets

[drjekyll2003]

Maybe it's just me,but I think the use of "recall" works.

[Skeeter]

I think the first "recall" would work better as "remember," both rhythmically and soundbettery.

[+SEAL+]

Good thought. What about the second one? Any ideas?

[+SEAL+]

Here goes a little more tweaking...

Verse 1:
I lit a candle tonight
(For you, for you)
I said my nightly prayers
(For you, for you)
Remembering your last fight
(Who knew, who knew)
As we climbed up the stairs
(Who knew, who knew)

Chorus:
They say hope is a flame
In the darkness that we curse
I light a fire in your name
As you lie beneath the earth

Too late is a tricky phrase to use
Help me, Heaven
I'm so confused

Verse 2:
I once wrote stupid love songs
(For you, for you)
In my room with all the blinds drawn
(For you, for you)
Now I cry and remember how long
(Who knew, who knew)
I used to think about the lines drawn
(Who knew, who knew)

Chorus:
They say hope is a flame
In the darkness that we curse
I light a fire in your name
As you lie beneath the earth

Too late is a tricky phrase to use
Help me, Heaven
I'm so confused

Verse 3:
Sitting there by a bedside
(For you, for you)
Bringing flowers to a gravesite
(For you, for you)
Remember how we laughed and cried
(Who knew, who knew)
Did I ever do something right?
(Who knew, who knew)

[interlude]

Bridge:
My candle burns with a flame
That's six feet down
Our voices one and the same
Making the holy sound
Of laughter and memories
Of sunshine in the night
Who knew, who knew?

Chorus:
They say hope is a flame
In the darkness that we curse
I light a fire in your name
As you lie beneath the earth

Too late is a tricky phrase to use
Help me, Heaven
I'm so confused

They say hope is a flame
In the darkness that we curse
I light a fire in your name
As you lie beneath the earth

Too late
The flame
Remember

Too late
One and the same
Remember

Wow, that really wasn't too bad, just using "remember" and "remembering".

[+SEAL+]

Well, here goes nothing. This is my try at a longer, more epic song...I guess it goes under alt-rock, alternative, whatever you think...

EDIT: Most recent song is below!

This is a tale that might sound like
It's make believe
See the story unfold in two lives
Hear what your heart sees

This is a story of two girls
The princess and the lady
This is a story of two against the world
Of dying and of fading

Hear hope calling to you as you lie there awake at night
Depression enthralling you as you try and shake the sight
Of endless clouds of madness that chase your scars
Of endless wounds that stay to scare you in the dark
The knife's blade hovers inside your mind's eye
As you stay awake inside the night, dear lady

And the children sing to you
Hear their voices soft and clear
This is my father's world
And to my wondering ears
Sings heaven's choirs, heaven's choirs, heaven's choirs

This is a tale that might sound like
It's make believe
See the story unfold in two lives
Hear what your heart sees

Hear hope calling to you as you listen to the sight
That lives in your home, lives in your soul, and in pain takes delight
As you hide the bruises both outside and in,
Hide the scars of less thick and more thin
And you feel the fighting start to rise, dear princess

This is a story of two girls
The princess and the lady
This is a story of two against the world
Of dying and of fading

I pray that you sit down and listen to hope
As it calls to you below, below in your pain-crossed lives
Hope lives, dear princess and dear lady, lady
He knows where you've been, where you are, where you want to be

And the children sing to you
Hear their voices soft and clear

This is a story of two girls
The princess and the lady
This is a story of two against the world
Of dying and of fading

Of dying and of fading

This song's for you,
Dear princess, dear lady
This song's for you...

And the children sing to you
Hear their voices soft and clear

This is my father's world
And to my wond'ring ears
All nature sings while 'round me rings
The music of the spheres

[+SEAL+]

Oh, and I'm trying to fit in the following lines which I forgot during writing, so...if you have any advice about them, tell me.

We live our lives as on a darkling plain
Where men without chests wheel and clash beneath the crimson rain
We live our lives as on a darkling plain
As life bleeds into death, night and day become the same

[Job 19:25-27]

Dang! It flows really nicely. I just read it out loud. I don't know about the verse you're trying to fit in... umm
It's SO COOL!!! I like it!

[Job 19:25-27]

I don't see how you can put

We live our lives as on a darkling plain
Where men without chests wheel and clash beneath the crimson rain
We live our lives as on a darkling plain
As life bleeds into death, night and day become the same

in anywhere b/c you're talking about two girls. It's a story about two girls, so I don't think the words "we" & "men" can work into this unless you change what the story's about...
...unless...what if you took that new verse & made it the "world" from
"This is a story of two against the world
Of dying and of fading"

I really don't know... I'm not very good at this kind of stuff... so...

[+SEAL+]

Hey, thanks. I think I might just save those lines for a completely different song. But yeah, something like you're talking about is what I was thinking of. I may just jump in and try and edit it in.

This is a tale that might sound like
It's make believe
See the story unfold in two lives
Hear what your heart sees

This is a story of two girls
The princess and the lady
This is a story of two against the world
Of dying and of fading

Hear hope calling to you as you lie there awake at night
Depression enthralling you as you try and shake the sight
Of endless clouds of madness that chase your scars
Of endless wounds that stay to scare you in the dark
The knife's blade hovers inside your mind's eye
As you stay awake inside the night, dear lady

And the children sing to you
Hear their voices soft and clear
This is my father's world
And to my wondering ears
Sings heaven's choirs, heaven's choirs, heaven's choirs

This is a tale that might sound like
It's make believe
See the story unfold in two lives
Hear what your heart sees

Hear hope calling to you as you listen to the sight
That lives in your home, lives in your soul, and in pain takes delight
As you hide the bruises both outside and in,
Hide the scars of less thick and more thin
And you feel the fighting start to rise, dear princess

This is a story of two girls
The princess and the lady
This is a story of two against the world
Of dying and of fading

I pray that you sit down and listen to hope
As it calls to you below, below in your pain-crossed lives
Hope lives, dear princess and dear lady, lady
He knows where you've been, where you are, where you want to be

And the children sing to you
Hear their voices soft and clear

This is a story of two girls
The princess and the lady
This is a story of two against the world
Of dying and of fading

Of dying and of fading

We live our lives as on a darkling plain
Where men without chests wheel and clash beneath the crimson rain
We live our lives as on a darkling plain
As life bleeds into death, night and day become the same

This song's for you,
Dear princess, dear lady
This song's for you...

And the children sing to you
Hear their voices soft and clear

This is my father's world
And to my wond'ring ears
All nature sings while 'round me rings
The music of the spheres

[AudioAUnderdog]

Wow, that was great!