[JerryLove]

Think of it as a poor-man's Blog. I thought I'd shary my "Jerry's vision of how Star Wars would have worked" with others that might appriciate it. Comments are welcome; but remember that this is going up in pieces.

Overview

I've reduced the number of primary characters, removing JarJar, young anikan, Tyrannus (though you could use him instead of Maul througout), and the trade vidceroy. I've brough up Maul and Grevios to make them fully developed characters and useful.

I've changed the dynamic between Yoda-Kenobi, and QiGong-Kinobi
I've changed the motivations for Anikin to become Vader, and the nature of his relation to Padme.
I've gotten rid of the "immaculate conception" fluff / distraction, and created a past which better ties in to both the conversion and the later stories.

I've reworked the story to, if anything, be more about Yoda and Kinobi.

Character Notes

Anikan Skywalker: Son of Shimi Skywalker of Tatoonie. Taken in by the Jedi at a young age as a force sensitive. Begins Ep I as a padwan of Qigon, about age 15.

He's not the power-greedy, rash idiot (this doesn't fit with Vader later). Rather, he's order obsessed. He's frustrated by his inability to effect positive change because of rules (can't stop someone he knows is going to do something bad because there's not enough evidence, for example).

Obiwan Kinobi: Relative of the Organian Royal family, begins Ep I having been conferred the rank of Jedi by his Master, Yoda. He's still rather brash and idealistc (like Luke in Ep V).

Yoda: Leader of the Jedi council, known for havign trained some of the best Jedi swordsmen, including Mace Windu and Obiwan Kenobi.

Episode I

There is a hot-and-cold conflict between the Republic and a confederation of Speratists. The seperatists are lead millitarily by General Grevious.

The seperatists have blocaded Naboo, and Queen Amidalia has arrived on Courisant seeking help. There are not millitary forces which other members wills pare to come to Naboo's defense, but the Jedi council sends QiGong (and his apprentice Anikin) to assist with Naboo's resistance.

Arriving on Naboo, Qigong and Anikin help the rebellion stage a succcessful counter assault. Thy run into Maul, who maimes Anikin (costing him his arm in a fight which Anikin does not perform well) and then, after a pitched fight, killes Qigong in fron of Anikin. Leaving Anikin for dead/unimportant, he is recalled as part of a general retreat.

Anikin is nursed back to health, with a great deal of input from Amidalia. A crush forms, but Anikin knows nothing can become of it.

ObiWan (from Alderann, related to ambassidor) takes Anikan as apprentice.

Episode II

Instead of a fight with Tyrannus, Aniken again confronts Maul. He does far better, but is again wounded. Obiwan arrives to his rescue and manages to drive off Maul (Anikin shows better fighting skills then before, and Obiwan shows he's mastery of the blade)

Shimi is killed by forces (Sandpeople) that everyone knows does poorly, but which Republic laws protects (either through evidence-rules, or protected as unintelligent). Anikin again struggles with his desires to accomplish good and his desire to obey the rules of the republic and Jedi

Episode III

In the fight between Windu and Palpatine, Windu is winning when Anikin inervenes, blocking Windu's swing and creating an opening where Palpatine kills Windu.

The Jedi are, mostly, not killed by troopers on their own; but by Anikin/Vader with a contengent of troopers.

Anikin is again wounded when a group a Jedi attempt to kill him.

When Anikin is sent to kill off the Seperatist leaders, it's primarily Grevious. Grevious is not surprised by the betrayl, but believes he can win the fight. He does not.

When Yoda confronts Palpatine, Yoda is progressing towards a win when Vader (returing from killing Jedi) arrives. Outmatched by the pair, the opportunity to get to Palpatine is lost.

Episode IV

Episode V

Episode VI

Yoda does not die in Return, rather leads raid on Endor. Is reason that raid succeeds and is unknown to Emperor.

[MJ_Avalanche]

Originally Posted by JerryLove

I've changed the motivations for Anikin to become Vader...
He's not the power-greedy, rash idiot (this doesn't fit with Vader later). Rather, he's order obsessed. He's frustrated by his inability to effect positive change because of rules (can't stop someone he knows is going to do something bad because there's not enough evidence, for example).

I think this is the kind of Vader that should have been seen. However, GL apparently didn't think so.

Interested to see what ideas others you come up with. Perhaps there could be the "fan" version of Ep. I-III.

[JerryLove]

Originally Posted by MJ_Avalanche

I think this is the kind of Vader that should have been seen. However, GL apparently didn't think so.

Interested to see what ideas others you come up with. Perhaps there could be the "fan" version of Ep. I-III.

I actually have in my head a pretty comprehensive rewrite... it's just taking me time to write it down.

I'm focusing mroe on charater development and symmetry; as well as buyable motivations.

I want to show the problems with the Republic through the eyes of Anikin, and a solution offererd by Palpatine which Anikin buys into. Then the later episodes show why Palpitine's solution is worse that the problem, which Anikin finally comes to see through thy dynamic of the conflict with his son.

I'm planning on having Anikin kill Padme', with great desire not to, but feeling it's for the "greater good" (Palpatine's asserted reason for forming the Empire, and what Anikin convinces himself)... wait till I get more of the writing in

[AudioAUnderdog]

Anakin seems too stupid in episode 2, and 3. They made him seem a little smarter, stronger, and just better in episode 4, 5, and 6 then he turned out to be.
(edit: If someone read that and hadn't watched star wars, I would have ruined it for 'im.)

[JerryLove]

Originally Posted by AudioAUnderdog

Anakin seems too stupid in episode 2, and 3.They made him seem a little smarter, stronger, and just better in episode 4, 5, and 6 then he turned out to be. I like the Yoda doesn't die idea. Another thing I'd change about episode 6 is that Luke and Leia have to tell Han who their father is eventually, so why not in episode 6?

I haven't decided which was I want to go on Luke. I can ontinue the "Yoda trains great fighters" and make him superior to the (old and half-machine) Vader, but unwilling to "pull the trigger"; or I can make him inferior (tempting) but basically useful to ObiWan and Yoda's plan because of his relation.

Train him enough physically to force the confrontation, and hope he can convert Anikin, as their way to defeat the Emperor. The series becomes a war for Anikin's idology, as he's the "big gun" in the story.

[adamwagg]

I like most of it.

In your story why exactly does Anakin stop Windu from killing Palpatine?

[Demon_Hunter]

Originally Posted by Yojimbo

I think Amidala should take a lightsaber through the heart at some point. None of this dying from being sad crud.

Yeah, but I think it would be better if palpatine did it. That would play more into his obviously devious nature.

Even in Jerry's rewrites it doesnt seem to make sense that Anakin would kill Padme (this "greater good" thing doesnt really make sense to me).

[JerryLove]

Even in Jerry's rewrites it doesnt seem to make sense that Anakin would kill Padme (this "greater good" thing doesnt really make sense to me).

A "greater good" reason has to be invented. Perhaps aiding of the jedi, or an open rebellion, or joining the seperatists or something.

I don't know. how to off Padme is a difficult question; though I definately want to dump the whole marriage thing for a tryst and make the kids unknown to Anikin.

[bowstaff981]

Originally Posted by JerryLove

Think of it as a poor-man's Blog. I thought I'd shary my "Jerry's vision of how Star Wars would have worked" with others that might appriciate it. Comments are welcome; but remember that this is going up in pieces.

Overview

I've reduced the number of primary characters, removing JarJar, young anikan, Tyrannus (though you could use him instead of Maul througout), and the trade vidceroy. I've brough up Maul and Grevios to make them fully developed characters and useful.

I've changed the dynamic between Yoda-Kenobi, and QiGong-Kinobi
I've changed the motivations for Anikin to become Vader, and the nature of his relation to Padme.
I've gotten rid of the "immaculate conception" fluff / distraction, and created a past which better ties in to both the conversion and the later stories.

I've reworked the story to, if anything, be more about Yoda and Kinobi.

Character Notes

Anikan Skywalker: Son of Shimi Skywalker of Tatoonie. Taken in by the Jedi at a young age as a force sensitive. Begins Ep I as a padwan of Qigon, about age 15.

He's not the power-greedy, rash idiot (this doesn't fit with Vader later). Rather, he's order obsessed. He's frustrated by his inability to effect positive change because of rules (can't stop someone he knows is going to do something bad because there's not enough evidence, for example).

Obiwan Kinobi: Relative of the Organian Royal family, begins Ep I having been conferred the rank of Jedi by his Master, Yoda. He's still rather brash and idealistc (like Luke in Ep V).

Yoda: Leader of the Jedi council, known for havign trained some of the best Jedi swordsmen, including Mace Windu and Obiwan Kenobi.

Episode I

There is a hot-and-cold conflict between the Republic and a confederation of Speratists. The seperatists are lead millitarily by General Grevious.

The seperatists have blocaded Naboo, and Queen Amidalia has arrived on Courisant seeking help. There are not millitary forces which other members wills pare to come to Naboo's defense, but the Jedi council sends QiGong (and his apprentice Anikin) to assist with Naboo's resistance.

Arriving on Naboo, Qigong and Anikin help the rebellion stage a succcessful counter assault. Thy run into Maul, who maimes Anikin (costing him his arm in a fight which Anikin does not perform well) and then, after a pitched fight, killes Qigong in fron of Anikin. Leaving Anikin for dead/unimportant, he is recalled as part of a general retreat.

Anikin is nursed back to health, with a great deal of input from Amidalia. A crush forms, but Anikin knows nothing can become of it.

ObiWan (from Alderann, related to ambassidor) takes Anikan as apprentice.

Episode II

Instead of a fight with Tyrannus, Aniken again confronts Maul. He does far better, but is again wounded. Obiwan arrives to his rescue and manages to drive off Maul (Anikin shows better fighting skills then before, and Obiwan shows he's mastery of the blade)

Shimi is killed by forces (Sandpeople) that everyone knows does poorly, but which Republic laws protects (either through evidence-rules, or protected as unintelligent). Anikin again struggles with his desires to accomplish good and his desire to obey the rules of the republic and Jedi

Episode III

In the fight between Windu and Palpatine, Windu is winning when Anikin inervenes, blocking Windu's swing and creating an opening where Palpatine kills Windu.

The Jedi are, mostly, not killed by troopers on their own; but by Anikin/Vader with a contengent of troopers.

Anikin is again wounded when a group a Jedi attempt to kill him.

When Anikin is sent to kill off the Seperatist leaders, it's primarily Grevious. Grevious is not surprised by the betrayl, but believes he can win the fight. He does not.

When Yoda confronts Palpatine, Yoda is progressing towards a win when Vader (returing from killing Jedi) arrives. Outmatched by the pair, the opportunity to get to Palpatine is lost.

Episode IV

Episode V

Episode VI

Yoda does not die in Return, rather leads raid on Endor. Is reason that raid succeeds and is unknown to Emperor.

yoda dying was neccessary to the plot of return of the jedi, not to mention he was old as dirt, can't keep fighting forever. actually the only part of this i agree with is that anikin should have at some point had to fight off would-be assasin jedis. i don't anikin and palpatine have time to go around and personally over see that each jedi is killed. as far as obi-wan being a master in episode I, why would yoda make him a master if he was still brash and idealistic? episode II would have been good if it weren't for the horrible acting. oh, i also agree that darth maul should have stayed around longer

[MMHMM RK]

Me and the rest of the guys in the praise band at my church are making a funny video called "Star Wars: The Untold Story of Jedi Knight Colby Heath" It's gonna be funny.

[adamwagg]

I was disapointed in the movie how easily all the Jedi died, and about how few Anakin killed. I always had the impression he hunted them accross the galaxy for some time.

[Role Modlin]

I only have one suggestion.

GREEDO SHOOTS FIRST!!!!

[Demon_Hunter]

Originally Posted by adamwagg

I was disapointed in the movie how easily all the Jedi died, and about how few Anakin killed. I always had the impression he hunted them accross the galaxy for some time.

thats the impresion that episode iv gives you.

And thats what I was expecting to.