[xxSparkOfLifexx]

I'm not perfect
I never say I am
I'm not perfect
Don't force me to be one
I'm not perfect
Can't you see that?
I'm not perfect
Why can't you understand?
I'm not perfect
Why can't you accept me the way I am?

I'm weak
Even though I look strong
I'm weak
Yes I cry sometimes
I'm weak
I fall over and over again
I'm weak
Please don't put your hope on me
I'm weak
Sorry to let you down

[Living Proof]

Your blog has really impressed upon my heart.
I feel what you feel, well by the way you describe you situation. I literally cried while reading what you have put here, mostly because I feel your pain.

I had noticed that you had checked out my journal and so I figured I would check yours out too. I am so glad I did.

I know that this sounds so cliche but I feel as though I have known you for years. I am happy in a weird way that I have found you.
I loved you poetry.
I hope that we can be friends.
I hope you will reveal a little more about yourself.
I am wondering, where are you living?
How old are you?
Where are you from?
20 Questions, I know.
I am glad you had the strength to write down how you feel.

[xxSparkOfLifexx]

Hey, welcome to my blog!

I never thought people do read the things I write in here. I hope I don't sound too gloomy or acting like a drama queen hating the world.

I know that this sounds so cliche but I feel as though I have known you for years. I am happy in a weird way that I have found you.

Probably because every one of us has felt the same before?
Everything I write here represents how I feel or think at the moment of writing...

I hope that we can be friends.
I hope you will reveal a little more about yourself.
I am wondering, where are you living?
How old are you?
Where are you from?
20 Questions, I know.

I'd love to be your friend

1) I can't tell you my real name. You can call me Spark.
2) I'm a girl
3) 24 years old
4) I'm studying to get a master diploma in informatics and economics
5) Right now I'm living in the Netherlands
6) I'm an Asian
7) I've black eyes
8) black hair
9) 5'5"
10) 125 lbs
11) Favorite color: black
12) Favorite animal: dogs
13) Favorite season of the year: autumn
14) Favorite band: nothing in particular
15) Boys make me nervous
16) Dating drives me nuts
17) I wonder if I ever get married
18) I'm phlegmatic by nature
19) My hands are always cold
20) I play... um, guitar?



There you go, the answers of my 20 imaginary questions

---

I've won!

http://www.christianguitar.org/forum...d.php?t=117065

[Wesley7777]

Originally Posted by xxSparkOfLifexx

Hey, welcome to my blog!

I never thought people do read the things I write in here. I hope I don't sound too gloomy or acting like a drama queen hating the world.


Probably because every one of us has felt the same before?
Everything I write here represents how I feel or think at the moment of writing...


I'd love to be your friend

1) I can't tell you my real name. You can call me Spark.
2) I'm a girl
3) 24 years old
4) I'm studying to get a master diploma in informatics and economics
5) Right now I'm living in the Netherlands
6) I'm an Asian
7) I've black eyes
8) black hair
9) 5'5"
10) 125 lbs
11) Favorite color: black
12) Favorite animal: dogs
13) Favorite season of the year: autumn
14) Favorite band: nothing in particular
15) Boys make me nervous
16) Dating drives me nuts
17) I wonder if I ever get married
18) I'm phlegmatic by nature
19) My hands are always cold
20) I play... um, guitar?



There you go, the answers of my 20 imaginary questions

---

I've won!

http://www.christianguitar.org/forum...d.php?t=117065

You live in the netherlands i didn't know that.

What kind of music do you like and listen to. Favorite artist maybe?

[SieSie]

Hello Sparky!
I thought that I would drop in...
1. Sweet I'm Asian too. I come from India though. So then I can relate with having black hair and dark brown eyes. And I have only gotten sun burned once which my friends think is unreal.

Anyways I jope thatyou had a Happy New Year!

[~FreT~]

Just to let you know, I'll still be reading your blog (maybe this afternoon) but not soon because I have some stuff to do. Ttyl.

[xxSparkOfLifexx]

Yo! I finally remember this um... forgotten blog?

I had a big big problem with the church I'm going now, but it's not my fault. Err, what can I say? Let's say... I might leave this church because of it. Yes! It's that serious!

Curious?? PM me

---

Originally Posted by wesley7777

You live in the netherlands i didn't know that.

What kind of music do you like and listen to. Favorite artist maybe?

Yupe, there's where I live, only 4 more weeks though.

I like any kind of music as long as it's listenable. No favorite artist though. I like an artist when I like his/her/their music. (Huh?)

Originally Posted by SieSie

Hello Sparky!
I thought that I would drop in...
1. Sweet I'm Asian too. I come from India though. So then I can relate with having black hair and dark brown eyes. And I have only gotten sun burned once which my friends think is unreal.

Anyways I jope thatyou had a Happy New Year!

Wow that's cool! I thought everybody was like from US or Canada.

Black hair is awesome! (duh). Guys with dark hair are hot! I don't want to trade it for anything. Hmm, maybe for purple. But heh last time I dyed my hair purple, it messed up. So I won't do it anymore, at least not until 5 years from now.

Originally Posted by ~Fret~

Just to let you know, I'll still be reading your blog (maybe this afternoon) but not soon because I have some stuff to do. Ttyl.

Nice to hear that!

So far this is like a selfish, depressing blog. It might change soon though.

[~FreT~]

HI.

I, well, when I said I was going to your blog after my post in my blog, I read some of it. Then I decided I had to do homework. And other stuff. So I've come back here after 10 hours or so.

Good to hear that you settled things with your worship team. You said you were leaving because of a big problem with your church and you're leaving in 4 weeks because of that? Or did you already plan the 4 weeks out? Anyway, I would like to know what's up with your church, so PM me.

Dang, you're being used... that's just really sad. I just want to know where 'home' is and whether you're going back 'home' in 4 weeks... I can imagine how it is when you're not loved and your trip back home is just a waste of time. I'll put you on my prayer list.

So far this is like a selfish, depressing blog. It might change soon though.

No, it's not selfish...... but it is depressing.
But thank you for sharing.

Don't get me wrong, I like it here.

Black hair is awesome! (duh). Guys with dark hair are hot! I don't want to trade it for anything. Hmm, maybe for purple. But heh last time I dyed my hair purple, it messed up. So I won't do it anymore, at least not until 5 years from now.

I have dark hair .
Nothing.

I can see you like purple.

[xxSparkOfLifexx]

Originally Posted by ~FreT~

Good to hear that you settled things with your worship team. You said you were leaving because of a big problem with your church and you're leaving in 4 weeks because of that? Or did you already plan the 4 weeks out? Anyway, I would like to know what's up with your church, so PM me.

No, I already planned the 4 weeks out since last year. I'm glad I plan it out. One problem coming after another... exactly after I won, but this last one is really really serious.

Taken to PM

No, it's not selfish...... but it is depressing.
But thank you for sharing.

It's not meant to be shared at the first place though, that's why I said it's selfish

It's going to change... I'm going to China for 5 months. Coming soon: exclusive report from Guangzhou, China.

[xxSparkOfLifexx]

Saturday...

used to be fun. It used to be the day where I meet all my brothers and sisters in Christ before sunday. Pray together day. Bible study day. Band practice day. Play with the sunday school kids day. Dinner with family day (I never really had dinner with my real family). It used to be everything I'd always wanted day. But I can't go there anymore, can't see them anymore, can't do all that things anymore. It sucks!!!! and it's not even my fault.

Saturday...

the day I can't be disturbed. Don't ask me out for movies, no girls night out. Don't even call me, because you know where I am and what I'm doing. I'm fully booked on saturday. All my unbeliever friends know that.

Saturday...

and I'm at home doing nothing than wasting my day away in CGR. I can't call my friends because they'll start to wonder why I'm not in church and I don't want to explain this complicated matter to them.

Tomorrow is sunday...

Which church to go?

[xxSparkOfLifexx]

Has anybody ever noticed how if you drink Redbull, just before you go to bed, you don't stay awake, you just sleep really well?

I should try that once again.

[SieSie]

hmmmm... that is interesting. I haven't dranken any Red Bull ever since I usually opt for coffee if I need a caffine high.
How are you doing?

[xxSparkOfLifexx]

You know what breaks my heart?

I just checked my not-so-frequent-checked email today. I got an email from 2 teenage girls (12 year old) from church saying that they missed me last saturday and sunday. They have no idea what happens to me recently that makes me stop coming to that church.

Such a short email yet so sincere and almost made me cry.

Originally Posted by SieSie

hmmmm... that is interesting. I haven't dranken any Red Bull ever since I usually opt for coffee if I need a caffine high.
How are you doing?

Haha. I don't drink it because I want to get caffeine high. I just like how it tastes (Now you must think that I'm a weirdo ).

[xxSparkOfLifexx]

We all know what it means. Hurtful words, withdrawn attention, your best friend having a new friend, nobody ever realizes you're missing from a crowd they call friends, unspoken gestures, unreciprocated love, malicious assault?

When I'm hurt by others, I don't always label it clearly as rejection, but even when I haven't analyzed it fully or precisely, the pain is still very real. It hurts. It affects me more than I care to admit. I can convince myself that I haven't been wounded by someone's rejection, but then I begin to realize that I've constructed self-protecting mechanisms to insulate myself from that kind of injury from happening again. The protective walls I build around my soul are the evidence that rejection has wounded me more than I thought. Not to mention the distance I make from others.

"That's the last time I'll let anyone else hurt me like that".
And so I began closing myself from people, stop trusting people. I think I'm protecting myself from further rejection, further pain, but instead I'm trapping myself in a pattern of behavior that only binds me to the bitterness of the past. There must be another way to avoid the pain than operating alone. If only I know what.

[~FreT~]

Hey, I-don't-know-what-your-name-is!

Is it 4 weeks already? How are things going?