What do you think is a good book on dating? (merged)

spyrotheleo · 12-05-2005, 03:57 PM

Ok, I am looking for a good book on dating and stuff. My mom bought the book I kissed dating good bye, but from what I have heared from people is that it is not all that great. So do you guys have any recomendations. I just want to make sure I do everything right(first of make sure I am ready spiritually before dating). Thanks

christian_boy_7 · 12-05-2005, 04:06 PM

"the dirt on dating"?

hapa_angel · 12-05-2005, 04:09 PM

My mom got one for me a few years ago entitled Boundaries In Dating, by Drs. Cloud and Townshend. Chock-full of wisdom from two Christians who are clinical psychologists about being emotionally and spiritually prepared. I highly recommend it.

marvinranch · 12-05-2005, 09:04 PM

I always recomend He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys It's really logical and refutes most all excuses that girls make for staying with lame guys. The only disagreeable thing is that the book does have the world's idea that a great boyfriend = sex, other than that it's very accurate (in my experience).

bobthecockroach · 12-05-2005, 11:11 PM

The Bible.

Honestly, I think if you're spending enough time in God's Word, you'll be able to make wise decisions in all aspects of life--even ones the Bible doesn't specifically address.

rocker_chick · 12-05-2005, 11:13 PM

uhh there was this one about..i dont remember what its called something about courting instead of dating i unno

Chris · 12-05-2005, 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rocker_chick

uhh there was this one about..i dont remember what its called something about courting instead of dating i unno

you're probably thinking of I Kissed Dating Good-bye. That's a really good book... for jamming under the wobbly leg of the table.

Nate · 12-05-2005, 11:33 PM

Honestly, I don't understand how a book is really going to help you understand dating, or any relationship, for that matter, much less help you "date better" or anything like that. Some things have to be experienced. No, scratch that... most things have to be experienced. Take my brother's advice and read the Word of God so you'll be ready for whatever life throws your way, then learn through experience by applying the Word of God to each and every situation.

In His love,
Nate

Kato · 12-05-2005, 11:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rocker_chick

uhh there was this one about..i dont remember what its called something about courting instead of dating i unno

I never understood the difference between courting and dating anyways.

bobthecockroach · 12-05-2005, 11:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marvinranch

I always recomend He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys It's really logical and refutes most all excuses that girls make for staying with lame guys. The only disagreeable thing is that the book does have the world's idea that a great boyfriend = sex, other than that it's very accurate (in my experience).

I'm just not that into that book. Looking at the excerpt on Amazon.com (since I can't remember too much of what you told me about it), I definitely disagree with at least one thing already. Asking out your boss is a bad idea.

It could EASILY land you in court for sexual harrassment. I wouldn't do it even if I was "into" my boss. I do remember you telling me that it said he wasn't into you if he didn't call you. I don't call anyone. I don't care for the telephone too much. If my girlfriend (hypothetically speaking) specifically asked me to call or something, I'd call, but it's not something I'd just do... even if I was "into" her.

I don't necessarily think it's a bad book. In fact, I'm sure there's a lot of truth to it. I just don't think it should be taken as law. There's no reason all relationships have to be the same or include the same elements (such as telephone calls). I think it's quite unfair to rule out all guys that don't follow a set of unwritten laws for proper relationship conduct.

Another example from the excerpt: "If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately." (Emphasis and bad grammar--it should be slowly, not slow--original.) If he doesn't tell you immediately, then, you should dump him? What if he only realizes after getting a certain depth into the relationship that he needs to take things slowly? What if his reasons are too personal to be disclosed to someone he doesn't know very well? I mean, what if his last relationship moved too quickly and he ended up doing things he regretted? Should he have to say, "Hey, you wanna go out? Oh, by the way, we'll need to take things slowly because I had sex with my last girlfriend and I regret it now." I think that would scare away more girls than it would attract.

The book also seems to assume that there is no such thing as a shy guy or a guy that does not go after everything he wants. I think a quick browse of this forum will reveal that that is not the case. I can think of several Dating & Relationships threads where a guy was honestly shy or simply didn't know if he should pursue the girl he wanted. That doesn't mean that he wasn't into her. It meant that he wasn't perfect.

It occurred to me at one point the book should be renamed "101 Reasons to Freak Out and Dump Him". This book is not a boost to a woman's confidence. If you believe this book, it would seem no man you've ever been with, probably not even the man who married you, ever really loved you. The problem is people are not perfect. Their motivations are not simple. I think that's my main complaint about this book: it's too simplistic! No two relationships, or persons, are exactly the same. And, in general, men do like women! Some relationships work out, some don't. There's always that space in-between where it could go one way or the other. That's okay, because that's the way life is.

- customer review posted to Amazon.com for He's Just Not That Into You

Granted, I have not read the book, so I can't say with certainty, but there are things about it that throw up a major red flag for me.

I really need to read the book now that I've posted such a long rant about it.

ColleenTCollins · 12-06-2005, 10:52 AM

There are a lot of good books. The best one is the Bible. But if you really want to get into it, I would say to go to your local Christian book store and check out the different options. There are so many, and we aren't qualified to tell you what one to choose, that part is up to you.

**Epaphras** · 12-06-2005, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColleenTCollins

There are a lot of good books. The best one is the Bible.

Agree, but...

Quote:

But if you really want to get into it, I would say to go to your local Christian book store and check out the different options.

Ahh! Bad advice! 99% of the merch in Christian bookstores is crap.

Stick with the Bible. The cockroach speaks the truth.

ColleenTCollins · 12-06-2005, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Epaphras

Agree, but...Ahh! Bad advice! 99% of the merch in Christian bookstores is crap.

Stick with the Bible. The cockroach speaks the truth.

Your right, the Bible is the best, but there are some books on it that aren't half bad. They just take what the Bible says, and explains is so that a 2 year old can understand that, some people need that.

Silent One · 12-06-2005, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hapa_angel

My mom got one for me a few years ago entitled Boundaries In Dating, by Drs. Cloud and Townshend. Chock-full of wisdom from two Christians who are clinical psychologists about being emotionally and spiritually prepared. I highly recommend it.

My mom bought me that, I think I only read the intro, well some of it at least. I feel bad when people buy me books and I don't read them, but I'm not one for reading much in the first place. And when its a dating book, received shortly after ending my first and only relationship since, I don't like to be told that I made a mistake and need to learn, which is basically what my parents were telling me by giving it to me.

marvinranch · 12-06-2005, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bobthecockroach

I'm just not that into that book. Looking at the excerpt on Amazon.com (since I can't remember too much of what you told me about it), I definitely disagree with at least one thing already. Asking out your boss is a bad idea. It could EASILY land you in court for sexual harrassment. I wouldn't do it even if I was "into" my boss. I do remember you telling me that it said he wasn't into you if he didn't call you. I don't call anyone. I don't care for the telephone too much. If my girlfriend (hypothetically speaking) specifically asked me to call or something, I'd call, but it's not something I'd just do... even if I was "into" her.

Wow Daniel, you did a heck of a lot of bashing on a book that you've never read. I guess it was written for girls. I think that the original poster is a guy, but I don't know for sure, but you are a guy who obviously has an opinion about this book so......

"stop seeing through your pink glasses subtle signals that show that "he's not that into you"." (also an amazon review)
It's mostly about bashing the "excuses" that girls make for staying with loser guys. Believe me, I've heard every excuse in the book and I just want to slap some girls sometimes.

Yes, you've got to know your guy. Obviously if your girlfriend knows you very well, she won't hold it against you that you don't talk on the phone much. If she does, you should dump her quick. Also, love does strange things to men - you might find yourself calling her more than you think.

And where the heck did you get the idea that this book recomended asking your boss out? *is totally lost on that one*