[JoeJoe]

I was reading Isaiah 38-40 today and got to ch 40 where it basicly states who are we to doubt God.

"To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One. Lift you eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God"? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

And then it hit me. Who am I to demand anything from God? Not just demand, but even ask? All I've wanted for a long time is to start a family, but who am I to even ask for it? I mean, "ask and you will recieve" yeah, but I'm not even worthy of it. Then I started thinking about my own life, and the areas where I need some discipline and self control, and God told me, "How can you expect to run a family if you can't even get your own self in order? You've givin up so much ground to the enemy; how do you expect to beable to head a house hold? You've been trying to get away from what I want you to do for so long, and now you've lost the start I gave you. I gave you something small, in hopes that you would be obediant with it, but you weren't. Not all hope is lost though. Just go where I lead you. Follow my heart, and not your head. Don't rely on yourself for guidance. Just trust me."

Talk about being put in your place eh? ...

So many things have changed just in the past two weeks. I've lost all desire for the music business, and I know what God wants me to do, I know he's calling me to lead youth, and I want to, but at the same time I don't.

I miss TLC, and I want to go back, but I've got to get myself in order first. A guy at work who's read my testimony, told me last friday, "how can you expect to help others if you can't help yourself?" It's so true.