[Jake the Snake]

fight club has inspired me

my latest song written and recorded 3-6 oclock today

fight club

verse 1
I am Jack's total lack of self confidence
you'll never know what will come from me next
and we are talking forever and you swear you are better but
better doesn't make it alright, better doesn't make it tonight

verse 2
you are the angel of life, for mine at least
you write these songs, give color to leaves
i'm done with short versing and drinking and cursing
cause you are my antidote, you are my only hope

bride
we are blessed with our cigarettes and ash trays of tomorow
we'll speak our minds and leave with our sorrow
we'll drink to the sunrise sunset and the moon
pack in our cars till there is no more room

sing several pop songs just for a laugh
ride without windows no matter the temperature
as the sepia fades to those dark country roads
those dark country roads, dark country roads

verse 3
i am jack's purposless sionide
i'll make you a deal first put down that knife
get on a bus, take it to anywhere
cause anywhere is better than here
anywhere is better than here

[adamkaboom]

nice...

[Ordinary Sarah]

Wooo, an ode to my all time favorite movie. Sweet.

[Amanda]

I like it a lot! Taking those phrases and giving them a different spin...very cool, very cool. The only thing I would change is:

better doesn't make it alright, better doesn't make it tonight

since this throws the rhythm off a lot in the first verse.

Actually, rereading it, your rhythm changes a LOT through the course of the lyric. Maybe I'd have to hear it to get the full gist of it, but it might be a good idea to either make the meter more consistent or just call it a night and make this a free verse poem instead of a song.