For stay at home moms

Gracie Love · 07-29-2005, 11:08 PM

Does anybody else that is a stay at home mother (or parent) get tired of the judgements, advice, and being taken advantage of? When people find out I am a stay at home mother, I have noticed they give me funny looks or ask me if I would babysit their kids for them, or else like my family has taken to doing gives me advice or lectures on how since a stay at home mom has nothing to do all day that her house has to be perfectly clean. People judge you more harshly on a toy in the floor, a dirty dish in the sink, or a spec of dust on something if you are a stay at home parent. Does any body else notice this and get tire of it?

What brought this on was a 15 minute lecture from my mother in law on how it is my job to do the housework. She has only been to my house once, and we had no furniture, and no where to store anything so my bills were on the counter. My family is hyper critical of everything.

Sorry about the rant.

**Role Modlin** · 07-30-2005, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gracie Love

Does anybody else that is a stay at home mother (or parent) get tired of the judgements, advice, and being taken advantage of? When people find out I am a stay at home mother, I have noticed they give me funny looks or ask me if I would babysit their kids for them, or else like my family has taken to doing gives me advice or lectures on how since a stay at home mom has nothing to do all day that her house has to be perfectly clean. People judge you more harshly on a toy in the floor, a dirty dish in the sink, or a spec of dust on something if you are a stay at home parent. Does any body else notice this and get tire of it?

What brought this on was a 15 minute lecture from my mother in law on how it is my job to do the housework. She has only been to my house once, and we had no furniture, and no where to store anything so my bills were on the counter. My family is hyper critical of everything.

Sorry about the rant.

The advice I would give is probably not appropriate for CGR.

Tell your monster-in-law to....uh....nevermind.

KFBobInsanesMom · 07-31-2005, 10:12 PM

Well, I was always a stay-at-home mom but I also was a homeschooling mom so people usually figured out rather quickly that I was much to busy taking care of a little one while teaching the other 2 to keep a spotless house. (

I still don't keep a spotless house even though my boys are now 17, 19 and 21.)

I did encounter some of the "what do you do with yourself all day? ", or " boy I wish I could sit at home watching soap operas all day". I would just start listing everything I had done that day and after their jaw dropped they didn't say things like that any more.

You know something? If you spend your day playing with , reading to, loving, caring, disciplining, teaching, etc your children and not a speck of housework gets done, you have chosen wisely. Just have some endust and a feather duster ready for next time your mother-in-law says something and hand it to her and tell her to help herself if it bothers her so much.

lilmissiongirl · 07-31-2005, 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by a wise woman

Just have some endust and a feather duster ready for next time your mother-in-law says something and hand it to her and tell her to help herself if it bothers her so much.

preach it rere lol

Gracie Love · 07-31-2005, 11:14 PM

Thanks for the advice. You have really helped me. Typically it doesn't bother me, but it just got to me the other day. Having just moved and trying to manage Ethan, get stuff put up, regular housework, and still deal with Matthew being gone all summer and John gone on the road. I have been a little stressed out. It is actually the first time that she has said anything that really bothered me. My mother in-law and I get along better than my mom and I do. It just got to me. My family is always saying stuff and it doesn't bother me that bad. My Mom and sister are obcessive/ complusive and they it is manifested in there houses so, of course they are picky about it but my mother in-law saying something just bugged me. And the whole babysitting thing... like I don't have enough to do in my day with out dealing with somebody else ill behaved child. Thank you.

exo · 08-09-2005, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gracie Love

Thanks for the advice. You have really helped me. Typically it doesn't bother me, but it just got to me the other day. Having just moved and trying to manage Ethan, get stuff put up, regular housework, and still deal with Matthew being gone all summer and John gone on the road. I have been a little stressed out. It is actually the first time that she has said anything that really bothered me. My mother in-law and I get along better than my mom and I do. It just got to me. My family is always saying stuff and it doesn't bother me that bad. My Mom and sister are obcessive/ complusive and they it is manifested in there houses so, of course they are picky about it but my mother in-law saying something just bugged me. And the whole babysitting thing... like I don't have enough to do in my day with out dealing with somebody else ill behaved child. Thank you.

If my wife was at home (she isn't), I would probabaly expect that the basic things were done in general, but a spotless house? No way. I'd expect that most days the dishes were done and most days that the house was generally picked up, but nothing more than that. I'm pretty understanding of the mess kids can make and how fast they can make it.

Recently something humorous happened in our household. Please don't shoot me. My wife was home with the kids due to our recent new baby and the baby was 2 months old, sleeping through the night and is generally a pretty easy baby (not that any baby is easy per se). I had just gotten home from a 10-hour work day and I asked her what she did that day. She said, and I quote, "Absolutely nothing." While that wasn't completely true (she fed and bathed the kids)... she basically did watch T.V. all day besides that (my wife has no hobbies, ran no errands (I tend to do those with her), and our kids are too young to be 'involved' in anything yet)... so really and truly... absolutely nothing.

About a half hour later that evening she said, "Honey, the bottles need to be done." Now, keep in mind that I most definitely clean my fair share of bottles. In fact, when my wife is working that's pretty much my job (including the dishes). And I'll tell you that I did not do the bottles that night. Seriously. I work hard for 10 hours come home to someone who says they did absolutely nothing (which I knew wasn't entirely true, but still...) and I have to clean the bottles (which takes all of 10 minutes I might add)? That was a little frustrating for me. I am a VERY hands-on dad... change diapers, feed, you name it, I do it. And normally I am happy to do the bottles, but it just wasn't going to happen that day.

I hope you all enjoyed this little story. Let the negative rep, comments, and tomatoes fly!

Gracie Love · 08-10-2005, 05:02 PM

That is kinda funny.I do the basic things everyday. But I only do the major scrubbing once a week. Usually on Tuesday. The last few weeks John has been able to come home on the weekends well from thursday to monday. HE tells me to take it easy and rest because I have been doing all the regular daily and weekly stuff, but I have also been unpacking and putting stuff up.

I didn't do much today. I sorted through some toys and put them up. Dishes carried out the trash and brought the cans back to the house but other than that nothing. I cleaned out the garage yesterday and did too much in the heat. I gave myself a minor case of heat exhaustion.

My family thinks I should be done unpacking because it has been 3 weeks. I am almost done but I am tired of then asking.

exo · 08-10-2005, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gracie Love

That is kinda funny.I do the basic things everyday. But I only do the major scrubbing once a week. Usually on Tuesday. The last few weeks John has been able to come home on the weekends well from thursday to monday. HE tells me to take it easy and rest because I have been doing all the regular daily and weekly stuff, but I have also been unpacking and putting stuff up.

I didn't do much today. I sorted through some toys and put them up. Dishes carried out the trash and brought the cans back to the house but other than that nothing. I cleaned out the garage yesterday and did too much in the heat. I gave myself a minor case of heat exhaustion.

My family thinks I should be done unpacking because it has been 3 weeks. I am almost done but I am tired of then asking.

It took us over 6 months to unpack when me moved into our apartment before this one. BTW, that sounds like not a fun situation for you to go through. I mean, it's one thing to have the house in a terrible mess all the time... you know, with things 'growing'. But a whole other deal to be commenting on being unpacked after just moving. I think your family should butt out of it to be frank. Why the heck should they care if you are unpacked or not? And since when is there a time frame on it?

BTW, my wife on a daily basis did less than you did on a 'slow' day. Much less. So, yeah, I have low expectations.

For some reason she puts off everything to the weekends (I suppose so we can do them together?). On the weekends she does the laundry and some house cleaning and all the errands she has to run.

smitty2622 · 08-10-2005, 10:39 PM

Funny looks, and questions about a clean house, well I am at this point a stay at home Dad. Talk about funny looks, I am going to school and taking care of our 5 children I’m so Suzy homemaker that’s for sure but I have learned to cook clean do laundry pick up kids keep track of appointments help with homework and somehow enjoy my children and have fun with them. Next time someone looks at you funny or thinks your nit doing enough just picture this guy trying to do what you do with much difficulty and smile because they probably couldn’t do it either this is a tough job going to work was so much easier. I usually end up giving more time to having fun with my children then all the other stuff combined after all that is who were home for isn’t it???

Peace

Gracie Love · 08-10-2005, 11:44 PM

I try to balance it. But I try to have more fun than chores. I can only imagine the looks you get, but I bet less people ask you to babysit because you are just a stay at home Dad. By the way I aplaud you for being a stay at home dad. It is a hard enough job without having to learn it all from scratch. With the exception of 3 years between my marriages, I have been a stay at home mom since before Matthew,7, was born. But then again, I was on bed rest during that 9 month head start.

I really wish the government would give a tax break to families with stay at home parents. Do something that helps with families. There should be an incentive for more parents to stay home. Now getting off my soap box.

Exo, you just made my day/ month. I keep feeling like I am not getting much done. So that I didn't have to deal with the mess in the house I have all my packed boxes in the garage. I have got enough unpacked that I can still park my minivan in the garage too. I don't have too much left but I just need to get it done.

As far as my family goes, My mother and sister are Type A personality. They are very very particular about there houses. My mother vacuums 2 or 3 times a day and she works all day. My sister teaches her three children homeschool and still there is never a speck of dust in her house. My mother in law who made the comments that got me to post this thread her house is clean enough to be healthy but dirty enough for that comfortable lived in feeling and she works and goes to college. I don't know why it bothered me.

Well, I need to go and load the dishwasher and pick up toys before bed. Not to mention pack me and Ethan for a trip to TX to get Matthew tomorrow.

KFBobInsanesMom · 08-11-2005, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by exo

If my wife was at home (she isn't), I would probabaly expect that the basic things were done in general, but a spotless house? No way. I'd expect that most days the dishes were done and most days that the house was generally picked up, but nothing more than that. I'm pretty understanding of the mess kids can make and how fast they can make it.

Recently something humorous happened in our household. Please don't shoot me. My wife was home with the kids due to our recent new baby and the baby was 2 months old, sleeping through the night and is generally a pretty easy baby (not that any baby is easy per se). I had just gotten home from a 10-hour work day and I asked her what she did that day. She said, and I quote, "Absolutely nothing." While that wasn't completely true (she fed and bathed the kids)... she basically did watch T.V. all day besides that (my wife has no hobbies, ran no errands (I tend to do those with her), and our kids are too young to be 'involved' in anything yet)... so really and truly... absolutely nothing.

About a half hour later that evening she said, "Honey, the bottles need to be done." Now, keep in mind that I most definitely clean my fair share of bottles. In fact, when my wife is working that's pretty much my job (including the dishes). And I'll tell you that I did not do the bottles that night. Seriously. I work hard for 10 hours come home to someone who says they did absolutely nothing (which I knew wasn't entirely true, but still...) and I have to clean the bottles (which takes all of 10 minutes I might add)? That was a little frustrating for me. I am a VERY hands-on dad... change diapers, feed, you name it, I do it. And normally I am happy to do the bottles, but it just wasn't going to happen that day.

I hope you all enjoyed this little story. Let the negative rep, comments, and tomatoes fly!

Are you kidding, you made me laugh.

I know when my boys were little I didn't have a tv or even a car, so I spent every minute with them. There were days when I really didn't do anything except care for them because I simply didn't feel like doing what I had to do every single day. Something as simple as a 10 minute job was just NOT going to get done that day, period. Afraid I can completely relate to your wife on this one.

Even though you worked 10 hours, somehow it's just not quite the same as doing something over and over and over every single day.

exo · 08-12-2005, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gracie Love

I try to balance it. But I try to have more fun than chores. I can only imagine the looks you get, but I bet less people ask you to babysit because you are just a stay at home Dad. By the way I aplaud you for being a stay at home dad. It is a hard enough job without having to learn it all from scratch. With the exception of 3 years between my marriages, I have been a stay at home mom since before Matthew,7, was born. But then again, I was on bed rest during that 9 month head start.

I really wish the government would give a tax break to families with stay at home parents. Do something that helps with families. There should be an incentive for more parents to stay home. Now getting off my soap box.

Exo, you just made my day/ month. I keep feeling like I am not getting much done. So that I didn't have to deal with the mess in the house I have all my packed boxes in the garage. I have got enough unpacked that I can still park my minivan in the garage too. I don't have too much left but I just need to get it done.

As far as my family goes, My mother and sister are Type A personality. They are very very particular about there houses. My mother vacuums 2 or 3 times a day and she works all day. My sister teaches her three children homeschool and still there is never a speck of dust in her house. My mother in law who made the comments that got me to post this thread her house is clean enough to be healthy but dirty enough for that comfortable lived in feeling and she works and goes to college. I don't know why it bothered me.

Well, I need to go and load the dishwasher and pick up toys before bed. Not to mention pack me and Ethan for a trip to TX to get Matthew tomorrow.

I'm glad that I was an encouragement to you. Keep up the good work!!!

exo · 08-12-2005, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KFBobInsanesMom

Are you kidding, you made me laugh.

I know when my boys were little I didn't have a tv or even a car, so I spent every minute with them. There were days when I really didn't do anything except care for them because I simply didn't feel like doing what I had to do every single day. Something as simple as a 10 minute job was just NOT going to get done that day, period. Afraid I can completely relate to your wife on this one.

Even though you worked 10 hours, somehow it's just not quite the same as doing something over and over and over every single day.

Yeah, I knew when I posted it that I would get some chuckles aimed in my direction as well.

It's kinda one of those Ross/Rachel situations (for those of you that watched Friends). You know the whole 'we were on a break!' thing. Of course, my wife agrees with me that they were definitely broken up and that Ross didn't technically do anything wrong. But we're both software engineers, so...

**Becky** · 08-12-2005, 02:23 PM

My mom has always been a stay at home mom, and what KFBobInsanesMom said... with homeschooling, it's a tough job. Our house has always been a lived in mess! And as my sisters and I took on more and more responsabilitys, i've deffinatlly begone to wonder how in the world my mom does it all! If all she did was cook for us, that alone takes alot of work! lol. Depending on how difficault your kids are, it'll be even harder.

So, props to you guys who can accomplish such amazing feets! God bless ya

KFBobInsanesMom · 08-13-2005, 12:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Becky

My mom has always been a stay at home mom, and what KFBobInsanesMom said... with homeschooling, it's a tough job.

Tough job, but there is no better job in the world. I got to really know my guys. I got to read to them, play with them, laugh with them, etc.... every single day. I wouldn't change one minute of staying home and homeschooling them. I am such a sappy mom

but I absolutely love my boys and love having them around and I was very blessed to be able to stay home and teach them.